It’s been a long running tradition for my family to, once a year, jog to the nearest clothes store and back

I guess it just runs in the jeans

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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I only wear clothes made out of paper

I guess you could call my fashion sense tearrible

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HalfASkewb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
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I was talking to a girl who makes historically accurate clothing for fun.

It started out as just one dress, but she enjoyed it so much that she started making more. She told us that she is now fully embracing her hobby, and had decided to wear corsets for a week to prove that they can be comfortable and not torture devices. To which I replied: "So I guess you could say that your hobby is fully embracing you!"

Bonus: About 10 minutes previous, I had told one of the other people in the conversation that I'd been practicing my dad jokes for years before my daughter was born.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flaquito_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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There is one brand of designer clothes I can't stand at all!

Guess I'm Lacoste intolerant...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Silly-Freak
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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A tailor walks into a clothes shop and requests a fine garb.

Unfortunately, everything they had was too small. I guess they didn’t suit him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FeedbackUSA
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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Guess who's comin' to town, guys?! imgur.com/cAhkB4S
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnsolvedMrE
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2014
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Polyester clothing was not and is not fashionable.

I guess it never cotton.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/veryslowclapper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
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My wife caught me cross dressing and told me it was over.

So I packed all her clothes and left.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jgudnas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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I have a dad bod, dad clothes, and dad jokes galore, but no children

I guess that makes me a faux pa.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JuDGe3690
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...

I guess the free press is under siege!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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Girlfriend got me good, period.

Im a photographer and was telling her about an assignment to photograph a woman and her early 20th century car and that the woman would be wearing authentic era clothing for the portrait.

Me: And she'll be wearing period appropriate clothing. Girlfriend: So she'll be wearing sweatpants?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thecameraman8078
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2014
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Sex is like math

You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don't multiply

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pitchstrikes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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Made this one whilst clothes shopping

I've been buying too many clothes that were too small. I guess you could say I've been buying them in XS.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_AmThe_Walrus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
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Watching a show where researchers collect bugs using a large cotton cloth dragged over the grass to count them

Dad - Guess you could call that a tick sheet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrumpyErnie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2014
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I was on a roll last night.

My family was having a burger night and I improvised some groaners:

Q - How does it sound when your cousin drives an ambulance?
A - Neeeenaaaaa-neeeeenaaaaa! (There is a cousin called Nina)
Q - How do you know when your cousin is coming to visit?
A - they ring the Issa-belle! (Yip, you guessed it there is a cousin called Issabelle)

Q - What does a dinosaur say to offer you a hot drink?
A - Would you like some tea, Rex? (Hate to over explain and ruin the joke but just in case - Rex )

Then during bathtime:

Q - When a crab goes to jail where do they lock him up?
A - A jail shell. (there was a decorative jar of shells there which I used as a muse for this piece)

Q - How does a daddy cow clean himself at night?
A - In a bub-bull bath. (Just came to me)

Q - What does an astronaut use in the bath?
A - A space cloth. (this one didn't really land but I stand by it)

Q - What do you use to wash your hair in the toilet?
A - Sham-poo (low hanging fruit but this one absolutely killed)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dat_asthma
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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I saw a police officer dressed as a pilot today and I thought that was quite weird.

I guess he must be one of those plane clothes cops.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BirdCute
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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A whimsical tale...

There once was a princess named Emily, but the royal family called her Em for short. One day the king posed a riddle in order to choose a suitor for his eldest daughter, Elizabeth. The riddle was as follows:

Elizabeth has two apples, and Emily has one apple. Emily gives Elizabeth her apple as a wedding gift. How might you calculate the total amount of apples Elizabeth has presently?

Many days passed and no one could figure out the answer. Of course, on the first day a man came and answered, β€œSire, to calculate the amount of apples Elizabeth has, you must add Emily’s apple.” He was promptly executed.

After this, the kingdom was stumped. Nobody knew how to calculate Elizabeth’s apples if the answer was not to simply to add Emily’s apple, and none dared to try and answer unless they were absolutely sure of it.

One night, a young man, determined to find the answer, climbed up the palace walls to watch the royal family as they ate.

β€œFather,” said Emily, β€œhave you made the riddle too hard? No one has been able to guess it yet.”

β€œNo worries Em,” responded the king, I have confidence that the time will come soon.”

The young man descended the wall, having learned the secret to the riddle.

The next day, dressed In his finest clothes, the young man approached the king with the answer to the riddle.

β€œWhat is your answer, young man?” declared the king.

The young man replied, β€œIn order to calculate Elizabeth’s apples, you must ADD EM’S APPLE.”

The king answered β€œlol get it?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diezlk9
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2017
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For habitual smokers

My Uncle Ray was a 2 pack a day smoker and frequently let the ash burn all the down before tipping it off. As a result he was frequently spilling ash on his clothes. Whenever this would happen, he would look at us, grin and say

"Guess I really made an ash of myself, huh?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/subter-fugue
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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My girlfriend who works in retail overheard a dad joking his daughter

A man is paying for his daughter's clothes in the store my girlfriend works at.

Girlfriend: Credit or debit?

Dad: C.O.D.

Girlfriend: ?

Dad: Cash on Daddy! (turns to his daughter and starts chuckling out loud)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nyphur
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2015
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Dad Joked at Church

I was at my in laws this weekend, and for mother's day my MIL wanted us to go to church with her. I'm not religious, but fine, whatever you want. The problem is that neither my wife or I brought "church clothes," with us for the visit. It was unexpected.

So we're sitting in the church and my wife is talking to her dad.

"Dad, I'm just happy I have a pair of jeans that aren't all ripped up! I didn't plan on this at all!"

"Oh, hunny, don't worry. Any pair of pants would have been holy once you walked in."

Massive grin. Then back to serious, because Jesus, I guess.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/soomuchcoffee
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2014
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