"You are beautiful," my reflection whispers to me. I twirl around in my black sheath dress, which goes well with my tan skin and blond curls, wondering how long I can keep it hidden.

"Are you ready, darling? ", calls Karl from the terrace. While I quickly powder my nose and put on a little lipstick, I think today is the right day to tell him. I step outside to my beloved, who is sitting by our pool high above the soft blue Pacific with a highball. The thermometer still reads 88 degrees Celsius. I kiss Karl on his black hair. His tangy scent mixes with the fragrance of the bougainvillea and Jacaranda bushes to form a one-breathtaking cocktail. On the pool, hibiscus blossoms sway like little Inflatable boats.

"Time for a sundowner", I say and pull my beloved out of the deck chair. With the jeep that belongs to our bungalow at Hotel Las Torres, we drive through the steep mountain paths of the flamingo-colored casita town on the slopes of the Sierra Madre Occidental. A table is already reserved for us on the terrace at the Bella Vista restaurant.

"Ten more minutes and then it's time, my darling," Karl says. I lose myself in his velvet eyes. The light breeze that gave this hotel its name above the bay of Acapulco dances a Foxtrot with the palm fronds.

"The usual?", the waiter asks.

"I want champagne today", I say, putting on my most seductive smile.

"Champagne it is", says Karl.

The sun, hovering like a yellow ball on the west side of the bay, is getting ready for its grand entrance. White yachts bob in the bay, they say Onassis will come today. The high-rise buildings on the beach and the casitas on the mountains surrounding the bay sparkle like crystal chandeliers. The waiter brings a silver cooler with a bottle of Dom Perignon, which he skillfully opens with a soft plop.

"Bello", "Stunning", resounds from the surrounding tables as the yellow ball dips into the horizon, turning the sky into a fire-breathing volcano.

"Ordered especially for you," says Karl.

Now, I think, is the right moment. We toast ourselves and order a menu of shrimp salad, coconut sorbet, steamed red snapper and guava cream. Chablis is served with it. Down in the bay, a riva circles between the red glowing mountain slopes.

"We're having a baby," I say, holding my breath.

Now it all depends on how he reacts.

Karl still looks affectionate. The second stretches into days, and then he smiles.

"Oh Ella, that's wonderful, darling, that's fantastic!".

I exhale. The wind plays a hy

I first was going to post my monthly indie empties month by month on here, but ended up not doing that for some reason and then decided that I could just post my yearly empties all at once. Turns out I finished off a ton of things this year, so buckle up!

For anyone wondering, I tend to mix perfume oils into things like foot soaks and hair oils, so I do go through them more than if I'd use them solely as perfume. I’ve marked things as WNRP (would not repurchase), WRP (would repurchase), MRP (might repurchase), and DRP (did repurchase). I stopped buying from Sixteen92, so all scents are marked WNRP despite any high ratings.

Makeup:

Crow & Pebble Mistress of Illusion, She Who Delights blush sample: This was a little sample in a bag that I got in a gift exchange. I was a bit hesitant about wearing purple blush, but it actually came across pretty nicely on me. I’ve got a cool yellow/olive skin tone, and the purple ended up more as like a cool pink on my skin. It was surprisingly wearable. If I applied too much, it would go purple and would end up looking sort of garish, but it was fun to experiment with. I also never quite realized that my blushes that look like that cool pink shade in the pan, don’t actually show up that color on my skin. MRP, 7/10.

Fyrinnae Mythical Dalliance eyeshadow sample: This was a free sample and from the Exquisite line. I liked the colors in this, a shifting multichrome from a yellowy gold to a sort of pinky brown to a green-gold. It was pretty. But I didn’t really care for the formula – it was a bit too chunky and sparkly for me. I prefer shimmers more than super sparkly shades or larger particles. It applied best wet and/or with Pixie Epoxy. WNRP, 3/10. Liked the color, glad for the experience, but I’m staying away from the Exquisites line. They’re just not my thing.

Perfume:

Nui Cobalt Hibernate (The scent of a peaceful woodland sanctuary. Golden oak, a bed of hay, fertile earth, peru balsam, maple wood, and an accord of dense winter fur. Wear this tranquil blend for deep relaxation and restorative rest). For a while, I thought I really wanted a pine-forward scent, especially one that is more summery like new growth on trees rather than Christmassy/wintery ones. This gets a bit closer than most. There’s quite a lot of the musky fur note and the warm, rich notes of oak and hay to help balance out just how bracing the peru balsam can be. It’s still got a bit of a wintery feel, and I’ve realized that I’m

I live in Los Angeles, CA and both my front and back yard is completely covered with broadleaf weeds and I need some insight what to do since I'm new at this stuff . Spring is pretty much here and I figure now would be the best time to try and seed my lawn (recommendations on type of grass is appreciated too). My front Lawn is approx 1677 sq ft with an avocado tree about 78.57 sq ft in the middle of it and hedges in the front. The back yard is about half the size of the front with a few rose bushes, a pomegranate tree, lemon tree, and a guava tree. Both the front and back yard get a large amount of sun. I've dug through some previous reddit posts asking the same question and usually everyone recommends buying anything with high amounts of Glyphosate. My lawn is nothing but weeds and trees so using the amount of weedkiller I need to kill these suckers I'm worried that it will kill my trees and hedges too. What should my plan of attack should be? Thank you ahead of time

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

New Cannabis Products

Extracts

Flower

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

At work, I have a workstation.

edit: cheers u/cheer_up_richard

BamBOO!