This isn’t just gross - it’s fucking fowl
πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/norse_force_30
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Woman to Butcher: People who sell meat are gross...

Butcher to Woman: People who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TylerDurdenSEA
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Why should you never offer gross food to a Russian?

It's very ofPutin.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boomklever69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Why shouldn't you put more than 239 beans in a soup?

Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.

Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oak05
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I just finished Grosse Pointe Blank and now I’m putting on Good Will Hunting.

It’s a Minnie marathon.

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Selling porn is gross

but selling food and small household items is grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid asked "GROSS!! How can you fart so much!?!?"

I said, "That's just what happens when you become a dad... all of these paternal in stinks just start coming out!"

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MontanaScotty
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Roadkill is gross.

The person who runs a supermarket is grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Accountant: what is your gross income?

My dad: there's no need to insult my income like that.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross, but they were actually pretty good! Turns out...

...that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
It's cold and gross outside, but spring is just around the corner!
πŸ‘︎ 407
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darklyte
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend told me their new job pays $300k, before taxes.

I said, "that's just gross.."

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BjornIronsid3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Captain Kirks wife has just opened a new lingerie shop.

Its called Shatner Knickers.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
The hotel room I’m staying in is a gross place

They put me in room 144

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jerrygergichsmith
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Gross
πŸ‘︎ 703
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sabrinalynn1983
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
🚨︎ report
My vegetarian daughter said that butchers are gross...

But I told her that people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer

πŸ‘︎ 383
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dulberf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Someone: "If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14 day quarantine you probably should've been seeing a doctor long before COVID-19"

My response: "144? That's a gross"

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jazzywaffles84
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A sheep dog tells her owner she found all fifty sheep. Her owner says that there should only be 46

The dog says, β€œbut I rounded them up.”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoeJascoe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife saw me sneezing in the bathroom and said it's gross.

I said It'Snot.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7_Pillars
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My annoying little brother asks me which bug grosses me out this ants or those ticks...

I replied I am really getting tired of your ant ticks.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darthbaum
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw tons of epic memers talking about how Shrek 5 will be grossing more than Endgame.

I can agree, how Shrek acts in the movies is really gross.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/davebob3103
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Amazon is selling oysters on the half shell (144 per case). That’s just gross.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sights_of_the_sun
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My son keeps all his boogers in a journal. He's up to 143.

I told him "One more and it'll be truly gross"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/capnfatpants
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
A guy came in with 144 rotten eggs.

It was gross.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/epic_null
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?

One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kyveido
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call the money your garbage business earns?

Gross revenue

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Coworker told me he was tired of people screwing up and β€œgross human incontinence”

I pissed myself laughing

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fill-Chapo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
🚨︎ report
If you sign up for an economics class, you should bring some spoiled milk on the first day.

They’re a big fan of gross domestic products.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/girloffthecob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Vegans must think we meat eaters are gross.

In our defence, a person who sells vegetables is grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 243
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Spent all day rinsing several palates of damaged Coca-Cola cans at the food bank today. The stuff at the bottom was ... gross. At home mom asked what we did.

We sorted sorta sordid sodas.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/welloveramillion
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my sheepdog how many sheep we had, he said 40.

"What? We should only have 37!" I replied.

"I know" he said, "I rounded them up".

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Light_bulbnz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I just opened up a comedy club that serves gross pizza.

I'm calling it Chuckl E. Cheeses

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/turn_ncough
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?

" "Pop," goes the weasel.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Vegans believe meat eaters and butchers are gross.

But those who sell you fruits and vegetables are grocer

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ntuso
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
🚨︎ report
People who sell meat are gross.

But people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cthulhouette
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
People who sell meat are gross.

But people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cthulhouette
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
People who sell meat are gross

But people who sell produce are grocer

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Vegan son : People who sell meat are gross

dad: people who sell fruits/vegetables are grocer

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/europiece-of-shit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
People who sell meat are gross

But people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Vegan Son: People who sell Meat are gross

Dad: People who sell Fruits and Vegetables are Grocer

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/everythingman2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
People who sell meat are gross....

People who sell veg are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nooshk123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
While people who sell meat can be gross...

People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBirb_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
This is just gross.

144

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shade1453
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked dad if sneezing in public is gross.

He said it's not.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7_Pillars
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report

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