Grasping at straws! imgur.com/2lPiBUf
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taintnuthn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2017
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Patel was teaching a boy named Ed basic geometry, which he was failing to grasp even on the most basic levels. He mistook squares for triangles, circles for hexagons and so on...

So Patel tried to go to the lowest level and put a dot on the paper.

"What this, Ed?"

"A line?" the boy replied.

"I... I expected more from you. I'm... This a point, Ed."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alkaath
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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Make two rectangles out of a diamond using one line

This was a problem on my step sons homework. No matter what, he couldn't seem to grasp it. So, I grabbed some post-it notes, turned it to a diamond and said "this is a diamond correct?" he says yes. I then turn the post-it notes a few degrees and say "this is a square correct?" And he instantly got what he had to do. I then threw out this, grade "A" knee slapper of a line "Diamonds are just crooked squares, you can't trust'em".

I think I'm gonna put on my jorts and tube socks now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigbore_729
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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Pizzakial $25.17 - The grasp of the desirous man is beset on all sides of the obliquity of the crust and the toppings upon them.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Target359
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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My doctor told me to start doing hand exercises.

I’m struggling to grasp the importance of this.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/attemptednotknown
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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lol i'm dying!!
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingofthecritters
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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I've been grabbing showers for decades...

But I still haven't been able to grasp onto it yet!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jonnyabcde
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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We have a moderate grasp of the Spanish language in my family

Drove past the llama ranch that's just outside our town, and I asked 'Are the llamas out?' 'No, no llamas.' responded my brother.

Dad chimes in with 'What? No llamas? How do they know what to call them?'

((like Como se llama))

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theChristy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2014
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So true...
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2017
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I got into an accident and I was shocked when the doctor told me that my fingers were broken.

It was hard to grasp.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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I once attempted to hold a scarecrow’s hand

But found myself grasping at straws.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HanlonRazor
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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Flat earthers don't take this pandemic seriously.

They have no grasp on the gravity of the situation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Onechordbassist
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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Did you hear about the astronaut that accidentally flew out into open space?

He couldn't understand the gravity of the situation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Overlevendeftw
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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A Bananasaurus Rex
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AJellly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2017
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I heard the European Parliament wanted to ban all plastic items

I'm afraid they're grasping at straws.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MoS42
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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A clown bets an old man $100 he can make him laugh. Man says "Sure, it won't happen"

Clown asks: "What do you call someone posing as a fake Italian chef? An im-pasta"

Man doesn't laugh

Clown asks: "What do you get when you cross a tiger and a bear? A tiger and a bear seeking revenge."

No response

Clown asks: "Which super hero asks the most questions? Wonder Woman"

Nothing

Clown asks: "Have you heard of the baseball team the Chicago Hot Dogs? They are the wurst"

Doesn't crack a smile

Clown asks: "Why was the alcoholic so annoying? He wined too much"

Clown starts to get nervous

Clown asks: "The disinterested hockey player got a penalty. What was it? Boarding"

Blank look

Clown asks: "What is a nun's favorite card game? Old Maid"

Yawn

Clown asks: "How do crustaceans celebrate birthdays? With crab cakes"

Annoyed

Clown asks: "What do you call a champion deer? A Win-doe"

grasping at straws

Finally Clown asks: "How do sheep sleep when they have nightmares? Baaaaadly"

He never laughs. Clown gives him his $100 and asks "Did any of my jokes make you laugh?"

Man says "No pun-in-ten-did"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scoob1978
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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Today we tried teaching my six month old son how to hold things.

But he wasn’t grasping the concept.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trentertained
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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My boss is making me dig through a stack of hay bare-handed to look for anything that shouldn’t be there. I suspect he dropped his wedding ring while having an affair with the new girl he hired in the pile and now he is desperate to hide the evidence from his wife who might be on to him.

But I’m just grasping at straws here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Propagansus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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Ice is such a hard thing to study

Its such a slippery element to grasp

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nativejoel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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My doctor looked away as he gave me a note saying that my hand was broken

It was hard to grasp

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Im_a_dum_bum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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My dad at the hospital (after having a vasectomy)

my dad had these tubes in his nose, with oxygen when he woke up, and the nurse was around doing medical stuff..

Dad: Is these tubes necessary? can I take them out?

Nurse: I can try turning them off?

nurse is turning the medical ventilator off ...

My dad grasps for air

Nurse jumps in shock turning the ventilator on again and turns to look at my stupid father laughing

Nurse: "YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE, DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!"

My dad was pretty woozy at the time and still he made the practical joke of the year

Haha! ahh I love that old bastard..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mons388
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2013
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[x-post /r/Jokes] [OC] An old blacksmith was working in his shop...

when there was a terrible accident. The fire in his forge had gone out of control and set fire to the shop. The blacksmith nearly lost his life. He was bedridden for many months and relied on the help of his children and grandchildren to feed him, bathe him, and take care of all of his needs. Eventually he was able to get back on his feet, though his outlook on life had turned quite grim. He was now able to take care of himself, but he had lost much of his strength and dexterity from the injuries he sustained and he was unable to practice his trade. He fell into a deep depression and he spent most of his days sitting at home in front of the fireplace gazing into the flames, longing for the days when his strong hands could grasp a hammer and strike a hot piece of iron, slowly forging it into a beautiful piece of work.

One evening when the old man was sitting in front of the fire, he heard a knock at the door. It was his granddaughter, whom he hadn't seen in many months. She had overheard her father talking to her mother about how her grandfather was slowly slipping away into depression and hopelessness and she wanted to help. To the old man's surprise, she had brought him a puppy. "I thought that since you're always here all by yourself that you might want someone you keep you company," the granddaughter said. The old man's eyes welled up with tears and the little puppy instantly jumped into his arms and began licking the tears from his face. The old man and his granddaughter spent the next several hours sitting on the floor of his house watching the puppy chase around a rubber ball, bouncing, jumping, panting, and licking. In that short time, the old man had made complete turnaround from being sad, lonely, and hopeless, to smiling from ear to ear, full of joy with his new-found companion. As the hours grew late and the puppy grew tired, the granddaughter said "Well Opa, I'm glad you like your puppy, but it's late and I should be heading home. By the way, what are you going to call him?" "Life," said the old man, "because he has given me a new meaning and joy to mine." The granddaughter kissed her grandfather on the cheek, wished him goodnight, and she left.

Many years passed and all the while, the old man and his little dog were inseparable. Everywhere the old man went, Life was always with him whether it was the post office, the grocery store, and even when the old man went to the barber shop, the little dog would sit patiently until the last hair on

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyOtherAccount_3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
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Dad-joked my classmate

My classmate and I were doing the old rocket-pen trick (You know the one, where you click in the pen and release it and watch it soar into the air.) However, my classmate was having some difficult grasping the intricacies of it.

Classmate: "I just can't seem to get it to lift-off!"

Me: "It appears you have ejectile dysfunction."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitharris
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2014
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My coworker tried to grab a heavy bag off the top shelf with one hand.

I told him he shouldn't do things half-grasped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ooie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2016
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My dad on holes

I was driving to the gym with him and saw a big hole where some cobstruction* was under way for a new building. I thought it was strange that there weren't any piles with the excess dirt, and said "I wonder what they do with all of the dirt."

My dad had a pretty solid grasp on things- "I think they bury it"

  • Construction. Leaving the typo so comments on it make sense.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PressF1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
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Changing my baby's poo diaper

My son always ninja rolls out of my grasp when he shits his pants. From that point on he is known as "Poopacabra".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Label083
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2015
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When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked when the doctors told me I broke all my fingers.

It was hard to grasp.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked to find out that I had broken all my fingers.

That was hard to grasp.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked to find out that all my fingers were broken.

It was hard to grasp.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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I was shocked when my doctor told me all my fingers were broken after my accident.

It was hard to grasp.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tanglimara
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
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