Grad School Puns

Because all of his grades were under a sea

The would-be mentor insisted on going to a seafood restaurant and then he ordered his favorite meal for the both of them. When the hard working, fresh-out-of-journalism-school grad asked the veteran newshound how he always managed to get witty phrases from the Prime Ministers and Presidents he interviewed, a sly smile swam across his face.

Intrigued, she watched intently while he reached for his wallet then removed a €5 note. Holding it toward her face over the table, she was surprised when the greying beat writer dropped the money directly on her uneaten dinner and held an index finger to his closed lips.

As they both looked down at the seafood platter, his paper Euro was suddenly sucked under the rings of fried calamari until it disappeared from sight. After what sounded like a stand-up comedian clearing his throat, a male voice with an Eastern European accent clearly rose out of her food. It said, "Trump asked for dirt on Biden so I sent him some good Ukrainian topsoil."

As the gobsmacked gal with mouth agape slowly raised her eyes to her grinning dinner guest's face, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "squid pro quote".

Required Explanation: "squid pro quote" is a play on words for the saying "quid pro quo", a Latin phrase meaning "something for something". In the news at the time of this posting a tremendous amount of discussion is being circulated about whether or not US president Trump dangled a quid pro quo offer in front of Ukraine's newly elected president, Volodymyr Zelensky. The deal had nothing to do with seafood however, so that was just a red herring. It should also be noted that Mr. Zelensky, before diving into politics, was a stand-up comedian.

Because, they're afraid that if they ran out, they'd be in grad school.

Coworker: This is a racket. How do they justify charging an extra $3000 for something like sodium bicarbonate?

Me: Right? It's not like it's some fancy, top-secret compound. It's pretty basic.

My other coworker is a chem major about to enter grad school. He made me go work in the corner for a while after that one.

My friend, my older brother and I were talking about the sorts of fetishes our past SOs were into. My brother is quiet for most of the conversation, but chimes in near the end:

Him: "I dated a girl in grad school who had a fetish for being quiet."

Me: "Really?"

Him: "Yup. She called it a fetissssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

...

A little back story first. My dad, brother, mom, grandma and I are in the car and the subject of class rings comes up and how there's a potential for my brother to get a good amount for college, grad school, etc.

So I say, " So you want three rings?"

Dad: "What? Are you a binder?"

Grandma, mom, dad, and brother start cracking up...I Just groan.

My dad has been trying so hard since he found out about this subreddit.

Talking about my upcoming graduation from grad school, I told my dad that getting a master's degree is nothing compared to how many degrees he has. To which he replied,

"Well, then I guess you can just call me Dr. Fahrenheit!"

...I love that guy.

The context here is a discussion on encryption on a data storage medium. The kid here is a new guy who is fresh from grad school. The dad here is a senior engineer who looks like middle aged Gordon Freeman with graying hair. The kid was asking questions on how to erase data securely using a particular protocol command. He wanted more information on the random number keys necessary to encrypt/decrypt the data with. It went some thing like this.

Kid: " So you have A key, right ?"

Dad with a sly smile on his face immediately checks his pocket and whips out his car keys and says " No, I have many keys "