As I got out on the 11th floor, the lift operator said, "Have a good day son."
"Don't call me son, you're not my dad.!!" I said.
As the lift door closed, he looked me in the eye and said, "I brought you up, didn't I ?"
Being a parent is hard - my son won't ever let me have a good night's sleep; so when my wife came home the other day and asked why I was so red...
I told her I was just completely sunburnt
That's just not a good day
My son came out with this one today; My teacher told me to have a good day...
Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...
A friend of mine makes good money selling camel’s milk, but he has to put up with surly camels all day.
help!! anyone know any good history valentine’s day puns?
I pine fir the good oak days, when it was poplar to spruce up the living room with a real tree.
Remember the good old days, when we used to eat cake, after someone blew all over it ?
Took a pretty good picture of the meteor shower a few days ago.
A good title for a conservative news article a couple days ago when Trump declared “Stop the count!” after Biden started making gains but Trump still could’ve shocked the world would’ve been...
“Trump’s Not Down For the Count”
I found a good IKEA joke the other day.
But it needs a bit of a set up.
Ordered a vacuum a few days back. Good quality, though the product was a little sucky.
https://preview.redd.it/05c4ayjw55m51.png?width=288&format=png&auto=webp&s=40eb4d62a8ab9c00eac11c75f34ac611a41c910d
I have an addiction to reading pop-up books, so I went to the library the other day to pick up some proper grown up books to look at. I have to admit there was some good stuff there, ...
... but unfortunately nothing that jumped out at me.
My wife decided today would be a good day for her water to break.
I couldn’t think of a good Blue Cheese joke to share for my Cheese Day...
So instead, tell me your best and maybe even... cheesiest... joke that you’ve used for your own Blue Cheese Day!!
Edit: Apparently that’s a Cake. Damn it. I probably could have found a sweet cake joke to use.
I was having a good day until I stopped to pet a duck in the park....
Now I'm feeling a little down.
I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor and as I got out, the operator said, “Have a good day, son.” I replied, “Don’t call me son, you’re not my dad.” He scratched his head and said...
“No, but I brought you up, didn’t I?”
Remember the good old days, before the pandemic? It used to be you could meet new people, maybe even fall in love and get married.
Now I’m just dating myself
My Grandma was talking about the good old days and said “in my day we could leave the door unlocked and not worry about it!” and “we grew up with nothing but we were happy”...
I replied “Well Grandma, I hate to break it to you, but you grew up with nothing because you kept leaving the door unlocked!”
I was having a bad day so I bought a bottle of vodka,gin and whisky and put them in an elevator and sent them to the top floor. Didn’t have a good reason,
Just needed something to lift my spirits
If you get this pun, you have saved me the time of writing a good title. And if you save me even one second, you have saved my day entire.
v.redd.it/feo6wfvmmco31
What does Moby Dick say when he had a good day?
That was some time whale spent.
Made my 11 yr old laugh and my wife roll her eyes this kornint. It was a good day.
My 2 yr old is constantly dropping small toys down the grate on the air return and a couple rolled out if site. This morning, I stuck my head down it and found a couple the had been missing for a couple weeks. Yay, dad!
My wife told me "She likes to drop her toys down there when she's angry."
I told her "you can't be upset. She's just venting!"
Groans and laughs ensued.
Edit: "this morning." What the hell is a kornint?
The trident gave me some really good advice the other day
Mother-in-law is in Prison. Need a good prison pun for Mothers Day Card.
So the hardest part is it has to be uplifting/cute like all the other mothers day cards, can't just be a simple jail/robber pun.
So far I got:
You're ex-cell-ent mom!
I'd break into a maximom security prison for you!
Hope your mothers day is on point! (with a diagram of a shank)
^((But they're kind of trash))
Ideas from others:
Most people have a mother-in-law but I get to have a mother-outlaw! u/tcbst15
A writer on The Good Place submitted the following list of restaurant name puns with the script for her episode. It includes gems like "Squab Goals" and "Pie Another Day."
twitter.com/meganamram/st…
Kids these days with ADHD don’t know how good they have it.
Back in my day we had to watch our AD in 480i
When they have a good day at the Formica plant...
Was it counterproductive?
"An apple a day keep the doctor away" they say, but only if you have good aim.
The perfect outfit can make a good day great
https://i.redd.it/32qkvjdpobk21.jpg
A good set of dad jokes for a rainy day
Ouch I'm in alot of rain.
What the hail.
You little sleet.
Sorry for raining on your parade I thought it would be snow problem.
I'm going to sleet.
What don't give me the cold shoulder.
It's ice to see you.
Water you doing.
Fin
That’s right. Good day malady
A silly idea I've had for a while and today seemed like a good day to draw it.
imgur.com/a/nJza5
Some people just can't appreciate a good dad joke these days :/
I can't post a picture so here
Also, I know this isn't really a joke post, so I'll just put one here.
Where do horses live?
In a neeeeeeighborhood!
Already not having a good day, this is the last straw!
Good Friday is a sad day
And tomorrow is a Saturday
Today was a good day. I'd rate it 10/10
My boss told me to have a good day ...
My boss told me to have a good day...
I said sure and headed home
My boss told me to have a good day,
My boss told me to have a good day ...
My boss told me to have a good day.
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