That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
โI play a little guitar!"
He was looking for a tight seal.
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
The spacebar
Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.
I was so proud.
They knead the dough.
He was exhibiting bad brie-havior
Some nights I feel like a cop chasing a robber trying to catch her so I can put her to sleep, as she โsteelsโ away in various rooms of the house...
You could say sheโs โevading a-restโ...
Egypt his tooth.
Heโs my spirit guide.
Edit: Thanks guys.
I bet there would be hell toupee.
BARKley...
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
I thought, "That's unlikely... it's a basic skill, isn't it?"
He was there to see a chicken strip
Because itโs FOR BIDEN
but it always ends up two in tents
I wanna be sedated.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
To the Lie-brary!
I really needed that change of heart!
Because he refuse to be a part of anything prostate.
It said bear left, so we went home.
Carrabbaโs.
To get nice buns
To protest the Unagi Ration.
And he said, โBecause your mother is always right.โ
He was having problems with his sin(x)s
Purrrgatory
Not like the people screaming in his car
She went to the Poles
Because they ban Ana.
To refine it's ABS
He replied โRudolph the red knows rain dearโ.
Toothirty
The Sith-steen chapel
Tattooine.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
To make Budweiser
But I do drink religiously...
For a crown.
It was tearable.
