Never gets old.
She said, "How does popcorn sound?"
I said, "Crunchy."
I'ts Arr-Rated
They paws it
I'm gonna cut right to the chase
The movie was rated arrrr
I'd say it was cutting edge
However, I still hold The Grudge.
He had no body to go with.
Finally a role that requires them to suck.
Because it was rated ARRRR. Courtesy of my six-year-old.
Of corpse they do....
They would rather pirate them
I had a bad sinking feeling about the end
It's Star Trek: The Search for Spork
A trailer park.
All my hard work was going to pay Hoff.
Sylvester Stallone said "I'll be Beethoven".
Bruce Willis said "I'll be Mozart".
Arnold Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach".
It’s going to be a feeture film!
It's going to be rated "Arrr..."
Some of these are border-line uncle jokes. I'm also an uncle. I keep all these jokes in my dadabase. Aka Google notes.
Some of these I got off of podcasts, the dad joke API, some from movies, but most are from this sub. Let me know if you want a source for a joke or if one of them was yours I'll give credit.
It's ok to be Frank with people. Or josh with them. But try not to Rob or Sue them.
What has 4 wheels and flies? A garbage truck
If the USA is so great then why did they make USB?
Tesla founder Elon Musk is originally from South Africa. Which is strange.
You think he'd be from mad-at-gas-car
How did Jesus keep his abs? Crossfit
What does a Jewish cowboy celebrate Yee-Hanukka
What did the stamp say to the letter Stick with me and you'll go places
I gave my wife a glue stick instead of lipstick She's still not talking to me
Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
What word starts with E and ends with E, but only has one letter in it. Envelope ✉
Why do people on Athens hate getting up early Because dawn is tough on Grease
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain A purramid
Why do fish like salt water? Pepper makes them sneeze
If april showers bring may flowers What do may flowers bring? PILGRIMS
Why do cemeteries have fences Because people are dying to get in
Faster older bro Sudden lee
Vegan brother Broco lee
Pig black belt in karate Pork chop
How do you put an odd number of sugar cubes in 3 cups of coffee If you have 20 sugar cubes? You have to use all the cubes.
You put 1 in the first cup, one in the second cup, and 18 in the last cup. Because 18 is an odd number of sugar cubes to put on a cup of coffee.
I was going to tell your a joke about Yoga But it's Not working out
What do you do if your wife starts smoking Use some lubricant
did you hear about the woman with 12 breasts? Sounds weird, dozen tit?
What did baby corn say to momma corn ( I got a boy scout selling popcorn to eyeroll me on this one) Where's popcorn
What type of pasta do they serve at a haunted house? Fettuccine Afradio
What do you call a werewolf streamer? Liken subscribe
Why don't Elton John songs have a copyright? You can tell everybody this is your song.
My mom swears up and down cows arent real I was in udder disbelief
Skeleton goes into a bar, he orders a beer and a mop
Why does it take a pirate so long to learn the alphabet Because they can spend years at C
Albert Einstein was a genius.
His
... keep reading on reddit ➡Me: Jurassic World is also out that week on the 12th.
Dad: You can go with Mom to that one.
Me: You don't care about dinosaurs?
Dad: They're dead to me.
Me: Haha. I love you.
Laugh out loud, Jay Kay.
"It's sin A, Ma”
Me: No, only for the next 2 hours.
So I went on a cruise, but I don't drink. They showed movies on deck at night and you had to go to the bar to purchase popcorn. I went to the bar, and I noticed they have a bottle of Ting there. (Grapefruit soda from Jamaica for those not in the know) I've never had Ting, so I asked the bartender if I could buy a bottle. He told me no, and that it was just for mixers. I walked away a little miffed. So when I got home, I told my daughter. And she said, "Wait, so you went up to the bar, and they wouldn't sell you any what?" I walked right into it and said, "They wouldn't sell me any Ting." "At all?" She asked "No, none at all." Then she said, "If they wouldn't sell you any Ting at all, how did you walk away with the popcorn?"
Touche.
"Aw man all the good seats are taken!"
But the reviews say that it's derivative.
Because it was board.
Why did the skateboard go to the movies? Because it was wheely board.
This is my favorite stupid joke to use out at the movies. Every movie. Action, drama, comedy, whatever.
Movie ends. Credits roll. People start getting up.
I turn to my wife and say, "Wanna stick around and see if (character) joins The Avengers?"
It works with everything.
After Moana: "Wanna stick around and see if Maui joins the Avengers?"
After Baby Driver: "Wanna stick around and see if Baby joins the Avengers?"
Even works for villians. Why not?
After Deepwater Horizon: "Wanna stick around and see if the oil joins the Avengers?"
I guarantee you eyerolls aplenty. Use it in good health.
Because they're all Rated ARRRRRR
Mom: "We're going to see Elysium with Matt Damon."
Dad: "Wow, Matt Damon is coming with us?!"
(Sitting in movie theater)
Me: Move, I have to go to the bathroom.
Dad: Alright, I'll Pause it.
He went missing last week and no one knows where he’s gone. I was the last person to see him at the movie theatres. His last words to me; ‘how many tickets?’ My last words were telling him: ‘Go, Tim book 2
It's going to be rated "Arrr..."
