A big bear goes into a bar and slaps down a $20 bill and says to the bartender,"give me a gin and................tonic"

The bartender replies, "Why the big paws?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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What's the main ingredient in sloe gin?

Patience

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JawnsDoesReddit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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A bear walks into a bar and says "I want a gin.........and tonic." Bartender asks "why the big pause?"

Bear: holds up paws "cuz I'm a bear"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jherin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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I was having a bad day so I bought a bottle of vodka,gin and whisky and put them in an elevator and sent them to the top floor. Didn’t have a good reason,

Just needed something to lift my spirits

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πŸ‘€︎ u/den_nis3524
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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I started drinking weed infused vodka

It keeps me in high spirits

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flazdude
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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I visited my friend and when I got there I noticed he had dressed up a bottle of gin like Santa Claus. So I asked him about it.

He told me, β€œOh that? It’s just a bit of holiday spirit.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cananbaum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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I was considering investing in a Chinese distillery but decided against it.

Whiskey business.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1963Jan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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I asked my dad why gin takes so long to make.

He said its cause they add the aromatics really sloely.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/epicsnail14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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I made my girlfriend a Gin and Tonic

she said, "Thanks, babe. I love it!"

I replied, "So you can say it really Schwepped you off your feet?"

 

She took a very extended sip and walked away

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFifthsWord
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2016
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Recent studies are examining the effects of replacing birdbath water with alcohol

Its bird-gin-ing research.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kelaab
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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after being around my dad for 13 years i finally came up with my first dad joke!

what do you say to a potassium based fruit that keeps stealing stuff!? Stop with your banana-gins!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cooldogchrit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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What is a transitioning male's drink of choice?

An Estro-Gin and Tonic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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What is an alcoholic’s favorite book?

Tequila Mockingbird

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πŸ‘€︎ u/3io4ehg
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
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A G walks into a bar in A minor and orders

A Gin&Subtonic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jannehirsimaki
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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What kind of alcohol does Luke Skywalker drink?

Qui-Gon Gin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marktwain6522
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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What happens when you let a PokΓ©mon become a Jedi master?

Flygon Gin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Plus_Memes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2017
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What's an alcoholic's favourite game?

Gin rummy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nishan_572
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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The Pundits - Part 1

A quaint little men's class,

a few with class,

some smelling of a gin glass,

some with eyes of a lass,

the remainder eyeing a lad,

but all glad,

and all present,

youngster of the present,

bearders of the crescent,

readers new testaments,

preachers of old testaments,

bearers of saffron tenets,

wearers of white tints,

weird lovers of croissant,

well, all here, will all hear?

we never know,

lets look at the show

 

The English teacher, said,

"how to drink a juice?"

i know, said bart the bartender,

"with vodka and chicken tender"

the weirded beardo now angry,

showed he was a shouter,

wanted to be a bart-ender,

while shushing the crowd,

use a pipe, piped up a voice, loud,

"huh" exclaimed preacher pastor,

"no smoking" he said, showing a guilty fluster ,

"no sir" said the voice,

I'm extra maker,

spoke the voice quicker,

Mr.White scratching head,

"I'm an ex-straw maker",

the air cleared.

 

Proceeding further, Teacher continued,

the class was listening, eyes glued,

"etiquette is important" he said,

"wear napkin before eating",

their faces changed,

pulse now beating,

Mr.White said, "sir, we don't bleed",

an irritated saffron Sundar spoke,

"if you bleed, education you don't need"

the English sir, now a sundered bloke,

calmed the masked fish market,

as his God's fate chisel hammered,

"Do you know how to fork?" he stammered,

a brief silence, and too many whispers later

"I Pen is use sir", said a bright face,

"Do you know how to use a fork?" he corrected,

with damage now done, Silence resumed.

 

>ThePundits

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themadraspaiyan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
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The Cheerio Joke

Oh boy do I have a joke for you kids! Its called the cheerio joke.


So there is this land called cheerio land and in cheerio land there are 7 classes of cheerio, 0-5 and the frosted cheerios. Now there is this level 0 cheerio. Hes homeless, living out on the street, probaly an alchoholic. But he falls in love with a frosted cheerio princess. So one day he sneaks into the royal gala and goes up to the princess and asks her "will you marry me?" Now she says "I like your style, youre a good looking guy, a bit scruffy but I like you. Tell you what I will marry you if you can become a frosted cheerio" So our guy goes back with a determination and gets a job and starts to pay off his debts. Now by having a job and his debts paid he becomes a level 1 cheerio. So he works, and he works, and he works, and he WORKS and he finally becomes a level 2 cheerio. Now he goes back to the princess and askes her again, "will you marry me?" she says "no honey you really do have to become a frosted cheerio first." So he goes back and he works and works, hes a fryboy at McGrubers or something, I dont care. So he works and he works and he gets promoted at the restraunt and is making more money. And he works and he works and he works and by having that income raise he finally becomes a level 3 cheerio. He feels sucessful for the first time in his life but he is starting to fall back on his old ways. One day he goes to the casino and he loses and he loses and he loses and he gambled all his money away and he gets fired to boot because gambling is against company policy. So he is back down to a level 1 cheerio. He gets a job on a production line at a nearby factory and determines himself not to fall back ever again. So he works and he works and he works and he works and he WORKS, level 2, level 3, and he is doing great again. He is promoted to Floor manager of the factory and he is doing great and becomes a level 4 cheerio. But then one day a rival company sabotages their operation by putting poison in their toothpaste or whatever the hell they were making. They have to pay out damages and PR and the like and they declare bankruptcy. He is knocked back down to level 2 for the lack in income. But he is hired almost straight away by a branch of a huge conglomerate because they recognized how hard of a worker he is. So he works, level 3, works, level 4, and he works and works and WORKS. So he is promoted t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/t17389z
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2013
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Driving home with my grandma.

I ask my grandma "do you remember how to play gin? She said "I don't know but I know how to drink it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/luigiknights
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2015
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An Oxford comma walks into a bar...

Orders a gin, and tonic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bradfink2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2013
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My brother dropped this one on me the other day.

So a bear walks into a bar and asks for a gin................and tonic.

The bartender says "Why the long pause?"

The bear shrugs, looks down and says "What, these? I've had them all my life..."

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2013
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Dad occasionally goes a little high brow...

"Did you hear about the actress who was cut from her role portraying Christine in the Phantom of the Opera for being a problem alcoholic? She was a drunk On-gin-ue!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/barthm1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2014
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A polar bear walks into a bar.

He goes up to the bartender and says:

"I'll have a gin and...................tonic"

The bartender says:

"Why the big pause?"

The polar bear replies:

"I don't know, I was born with them."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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A bear goes into a bar...

and says "-could I get a gin and........... tonic?".

Bartender says: "sure, but what's with the pause?".

Bear says: "I was born with them".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tnethacker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2016
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A polar bear walks into a bar...

He goes up to the bartender and says "I'd like a gin..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wbright92
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2015
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So a polar bear walks into a bar...

and says, "I'll have a gin and............................tonic please." The barkeep says "what's with the big pause?" The polar bear replies, "I don't know, my dad had them too!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EdgArmstrong
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2013
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