It’s spam
"Which is?" he asked.
"Exactly."
Me: Olive
...yeah, it was quite the ordeal to get the oar deal.
She just shook her head and said "This is a non-prophet organization."
So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!
"It's okay, dad... He woke up." Doesn't even smile. Walks away.
They really need a hair traffic controller.
It's my arch nemesis.
Because Genone penguins became extinct
He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”
Oh darn it! I lost my train of thought.
Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.
So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.
He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.
As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.
She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.
This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.
When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.
This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.
The two couldn't be happier!
They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.
One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.
She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.
She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.
A shallot, if you will.
A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.
They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.
The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.
Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.
Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.
He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.
One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.
The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.
She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to
... keep reading on reddit ➡He must be pretending.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus
I think I better leave the toilet now.
It was the mat on my front stoop.
Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:
Riceless.
He said "I'm a farmer see"
i think the easier one is the ladder of the 2
His son replied "Dad - don't let me down. I'm counting on you."
So instead I got consolation pies.
The dad says - 'In that case, we'll just have the second pizza!'
Dad Jokes and Unvaccinated Children
Dad: sure.
:)
Getting home to find they’ve forgotten one of your dishes.
Riceless.
But I forgot the punchline.
I then yelled for my dog to get off the bed.
That would be a punzi scheme.
There was no punch line.
I'm over 9000 documents in and this isn't even my final form!
The man says "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe"
going pee is a clear number 1.
-
Do it yourself
-
Hire someone to do it for you
-
Or tell your kids not to do it.
Take bribes, for example.
...but I guess that's just my crotch to bare.
She was charged with wreckless driving.
A small target from a long a distance
Yeah, it's really artichoke.
Linoleum BlownApart
On road-trips as we would pass by cemeteries my Dad would always say "Y'know, people are dying to get in there"
I always wondered why that cemetery was so great. It took me a long time to realize people were not really eager to get in there.
At one place where we'd stopped for lunch, several people noticed a butt-print on the back of one of our vehicles, and this guy looking rather amused with himself. Once everyone had noticed and was aware of the situation, he proudly said, "Well, looks like the van got rear ended!"
It's spam.
...Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
