My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
When I get home my wife's underwear is coming straight off...
They're cutting right into my hips.
How do you get down off an elephant?
You don’t. You get down off a duck.
How do you get an art history major off your front porch ?
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team?
She kept running from the ball.
Where do veggies go after they get off the airplane?
The prosecutor offered the ballet dancer two choices after she did not pay her mountain of parking tickets. A) Say guilty, pay them off, and get probation for 6 months or B) Say Not Guilty and go to trial and perhaps serve 6 months in jail.
I used to get told off about calling people out
Now I just use their names.
I was prescribed medication but couldn't take it. It was impossible to get that damn lid off...
You might have heard of it. It's called Tryopenin.
How do you get a demon to wipe the condensation off your windshield?
Just ask him politely with a sqouija board.
Doctor, I can't get this turban off my head!
Had a chance to get frisky with the wife this morning, but my alarm went off.
I guess I got clock-blocked.
i went to a restaurant and the waitress threw a piece of meat on the ceiling. she offered me $100 to go and get it off and i replied:
No, the steaks are too high!
My friend Shirley was obsessedwith adverb grammar but would never get off her ass.
We called her Slowly Butt Shirley
Why did the architecture student get points off on his blueprint of a Soviet house?
Unnecessary Marx and Engels.
I was showing off my hibiscus plants to my neighbor, he says the roots are exposed, and I should get more dirt on them.
So I found out they were both having affairs, and stealing from their company's fundraisers!
Siri kept calling me Shirley this morning. I was starting to get really pissed off, and then I realized why...
I left my phone in Airplane mode
Pirates of yore would get a treasure chest off a looted vessel and often hear voices coming from the chest saying "yoo hoo!"
This jerk in an expensive vehicle cut me off and expected me to get out of his way.
Ambulances, I can't stand them.
But he did get swept off of his feet
Every country will eventually get coronavirus, but china got it right off the bat
Who gets jazzed up to dry off people in suits of armor after dark?
Kroger is bringing their A game. Their Dr. Pepper knock off is called "The Fizzicist". Took me a minute to get it.
LIFE RANT: yesterday was the first day I’ve been outside my house since coronavirus started, I just wanted to get some Jimmy Johns. It’s been 3 months, I ordered a #16 Club Lulu, something seemed off but by the time I got to the car I realized...
What do you get when you pull all the legs off an ant?
Dads get their rocks off on AB
Me and some other guys like to get together at the local supermarket to show off our rare breed black-feathered chickens. New guy today mustn't have understood because...
There was an unexpected white hen in the bragging area
"what part of your body would you get rid off?"
"My spine, It holds me back."
I get really strong after shaving the wool off of my sheep, William.
It's my sheer Will power.
What happens to a firefighter when he gets laid off?
At 11:59:59, don't forget to get your left foot off the ground.
That way you can start the new year on the right foot.
I really need to get this off my chest...
I’ve just been helping a man wearing a black robe holding a scythe get the frost off of his car
I was de-icing with death
Looking for an easier way to get chopped spaghetti off the floor. (Under the high chair)
Because my current solution is not cutting it.
My wife said if I don't get off the computer right now she'll whack me with the keyboard, but
Huur byyym bou by z gfb bfeey jnndtrgg husk hnfddn juyhnb fdsasq wghhng gun the bf JFG..
How to get a day off at work
Woman: “I can make the boss give me the day off.”Man: “And how would you do that?”Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.Boss comes in: “What are you doing?”Woman: “I’m a light bulb.”Boss: “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”The man starts to follow her and the boss says:“Where are you going?”The man says: “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”
What do you get when you jack off a jackfruit
My best friend wanted to vent to me about his inability to perform a proper bench press in the gym... I told him to get it off his chest.
How do you get Down off an Elephant?
You don’t, you get Down off a Duck
How do you get down off an elephant?
You don't. You get down off a duck.
My wife said that if I don't get off the computer she'll slam my head on the keyboard...
...but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn
My wife told me she's slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer !
Don't worry guys, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
I was prescribed medication but I couldn't take it. It was too hard to get the lid off. You might have heard of it...
How do you get down off of an elephant?
You don't get down off an elephant, you get down off of a goose.
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