Get help... I am dying here
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mloxard_CZ
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
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What does a cannibal make in the morning to help get them going?

A cup of joe.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevographic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2021
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An old guy goes to the chemist and asks the pharmacist, "Is there some pills that can help with sex?" The pharmacist says, "Yes, Viagra, it's awesome, I take it myself" The old guy asks, "Can you get it over the counter?" Pharmacist replies, "If I took 2 or 3, probably."
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M_Arslan_Tahir
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
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Where does a Canadian alcoholic go to get help?

Eh Eh

πŸ‘︎ 434
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomedew
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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What do you get when ask a lemon for help?

Lemon-aid

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevthesalty
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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Don't get pun , help me

"Have you ever eaten wrong honey?" "No?" "Boooo"

I don't get it help me

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blizzarga
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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Where do Marine animals go to get help with a drinking problem?

Alcoholics Anemones

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpaceCadetBob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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I told my son if he passed his trigonometry test I'd help him get a car

Looks like i have to cosine for a new car today!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirEades
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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help I’ve fallen and I can’t get up
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DevinTheMulatto
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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Need help in the garden? Can't carry all your tools? Get a happy dog!

The tail is a wagon!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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Stop it get some help
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cookieman5231
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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What kind of breath mint can help you get a lot of xoxo?

A Tic Tac Toe

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyrannosaur85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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I own a rabbit farm, but I want to get rid of them. The thing is, I don’t know how to do it, so I was thinking I should call someone to help me with that. Then I thought to myself:

A magician should do the trick.

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heisy123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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I was trying to get help for my mental health issues, but the guy helping me turned out to be completely crazy

He was a psycho therapist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DutchBlob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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I met someone who helps old people get out of their chairs

What a stand-up guy

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_face_ache_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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Can't get this right, help!!

Need some pun help

Girl is a nurse who wants to try 27 spicy food places before you die. Not Tinder

My best so far:

You pepper believe that eating at all those places will turn you from nurse to fulltime patient. You don't even get atrophy when you're through

It's ehhhhh And seems insulting.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetalTango
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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Mom: You poor kid. You know you can get some help with that stutter.

Kid: Wh... wh... why? I... I'm pretty g... good at it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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When my wife walks the dog, I always help her get the dog ready.

It's the leash I can do.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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My wife gets furious at me because of the way I face the toilet paper, but I told her I can’t help it.

That’s just how I roll.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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My friend needs a visa to get into the US, can anyone help?

I only have a MasterCard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dcapz87
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
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Looking for shark puns! Hoping I could get some help here.
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2015
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When making new tunnels on the western plain, prairie dogs get help

The hole family pitches in

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
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Is this a pun? Help me get to the bottom of this.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andonthe7thday
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2017
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Girls find my pet duck cute, it helps me get laid.

You could say it's my wingman.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hunter_6_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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It was really busy at work today and someone jumped in to help me get things done. I told him β€œThanks for helping me out. I just couldn’t catch up.”

β€œI’m glad I mustered the energy, since you couldn’t catch up. Get it? Mustered.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrahamCrackahh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
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[Help]. I get Dad joked every day and I can't do anything about it! What's a good comeback?

As part of my job (I'm a cashier) I'm required to ask people how everything was. Almost every Dad says the exact same thing: "terrible". They then stare at me to see my reaction. When I laugh it off, they say "but what if I Had been serious?" In a very condescending way and make me feel bad for laughing. What I usually do is say "You're not being serious are you?" They say no with a little laugh and an awkward silence follows.

My friends suggested I take my acting to the next level and act genuinely concerned, turning the situation around. But I think there's a funnier solution. Any help?

Another thing: Our food rocks. There's no way they're being serious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fenderguy314
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2013
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What do you get when you ask a lemon for help?

Lemonaid

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/college-tool
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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