Skeptic: This ninja star can never fit through that gap!

Ninja: Shuriken

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wentzitcame
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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At a job interview the interviewer asked me why i had a 4 year gap in my resume. I told him, that it’s because i went to yale. He looked impressed and told me i’m hired.

Woohoo, i got a yob! :D

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zapyre
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume? Me: That’s when I went to Yale... Interviewer: That’s impressive. You are hired.

Me: Thanks. I really need this Yob.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Vile1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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*Job interview* "Can you explain this gap in your rΓ©sumΓ©?"

Me: "I fell asleep on the space key."

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball-_-fondler
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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Why don't they have self checkout at the Gap?

Because people got confused when they ask you to swipe your cardigan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/usuallyhungover
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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Mind the gap!
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rens_Stark
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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Using exactly 12" of duct tape to fix a leaking pipe is a Stop-Gap Measure

Duct tape used for everything, including puns

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirGreybush
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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Which King of England took a gap year before university?

Richard Deferred.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mtcarr79
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
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Apparently there was a mass shooting at the Gap.

There were a lot of casual tees.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
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My computer is only showing ads for American Eagle, Urban Outfitters, GAP and Cheesecake Factory.

I think it's infected with Mall-ware

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
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Anyone Else get the GAP catalogue?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sam-0
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2014
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He tried to β€œbridge” the gap... r/IdiotsInCars
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devnodegree
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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I tried to understand the communication gap between my teenage kid, and I.

I couldn't. Unfortunately, wireless technology is far too advanced for me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imakemoopoints
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
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Screw thigh gaps, I want some Spacey between my thighs...
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/z033
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2014
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girls want a gap...
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brownie79
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2014
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A man walks in to his job interview

The interviewer waits for the man to sit down before putting the papers in his hand flat on the table between them. "I have here the CV you submitted when you applied for this job. Unfortunately there's a 4 year gap on your CV, can you explain that please?"

The man shuffles uncomfortably in his seat and says "those are the years I went to Yale..."

The interviewer, not expecting this, was taken by surprise and said: "wow that's very impressive! You're hired!"

The man, surprised himself, replies: thanks! I really need this yob!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beardybrownie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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I’m a huge Star Wars fan and my wife wanted a divorce

So I handed her the divorce papers and said β€œmay divorce be with you”

πŸ‘︎ 268
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IcyFrogg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.

Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maurost
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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Prime numbers and stoners have a lot in common.

The higher they are, the more spaced out they become.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
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Parents come to my boyfriend's house for dinner

My bf's dad tells my parents to "take a seat" as we enter the dining room. My dad promptly takes a chair and exits, then proceeds to bust up in the next room.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimbajab
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2013
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Where do flat-earthers buy their clothes?

Lands End!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaVeachi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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I need to make a project for school. I've decided to make mine about why some men get madder than some women, or vice versa.

It'll be called "The Gender Rage Gap"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kalipokai
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
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In an announcement to coincide with International Women's Day, the Church of England has announced a drive to increase the number of female vicars...

They want to decrease the gender pray gap

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cybot2001
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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I'm too young to be turning into my father...

I'm not a dad, but my lame humor is sending me in the right direction. My girlfriend and I were walking down the street and she turned to me and said, "Are you as tall as your parents?"

I responded, "Yeah, I'm actually taller than both of them."

She asked, "Then I wonder where you get your genes?"

I said, "Oh..... usually at the GAP."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/superdouche6969
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2017
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The adventures of Max Dad, P.I.

The sun shone into my office through the lowered blinds all clumsy like, fumbling through the gaps between the venetian slats like a drunk fishing for loose change in his pockets; trying to see if he has money enough for one last drink or maybe the bus ride home.

The dame looked me up and down, clearly disappointed by what sat in front of her. I didn’t blame her. Three days of salt and pepper stubble clung to my my crude boxer’s jaw and the bags under my eyes were so big half the bums downtown could sleep in there and not even know anyone else was with 'em. That was ok. This broad wasn’t hiring me for my looks and I wasn’t looking to her for approval. We both knew what brought her in here, it was the name on the door.

Max Dad P.I. - that’s me. Private Investigator’s sure not the profession my mother would have picked out for me, but it keeps me in whisky and it keeps a roof over my head and that’ll do for now. The dame parted those cherry red lips of hers as she took another pull on that just-lit cigarette and nervously stubbed it out in the ashtray. My eyebrows knit together slightly. I hate seeing things go to waste.

β€œSo as I was saying, Mr Dad,” she began.

β€œPlease, call me Max”

β€œAlright, Max… well, as I was saying, my bag is missing. Stolen, I think. I urgently need it back. Shall I describe it to you?”

β€œNo that’s alright miss. You got nothing to worry about,” I replied, sliding a bottle out of the desk drawer and pouring a big slug of scotch into to my morning coffee, β€œI’m sure it’ll be a brief case.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnyohnny
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2016
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A joke my dad would say when I was learning how to drive.

Every time I'd park the car more than 6 inches away from the curb he'd open the door, look down at the gap between the car and the curb, then close the door and say "I guess we can take the shuttle."

I guess it's not really a dad joke but it's definitely dad humor. Now I say it every chance I get.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wustebarth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
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Dad's Fall Out Boy joke.

My dad and I were watching a live concert series on television, and eventually Fall out Boy came on.

"Who's that?"

"It's Fall Out Boy"

"How come I've never heard of them?"

"Well, they had a huge gap in between albums."

"Would you say they had a falling out?"

^^^Goddamitdad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/metromachine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
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Database developer at my work...

Nerd1: You're going to get cancer if you have bad genes, doesn't matter what you do.

Nerd2: I'm not sure about that.

Dad: That's why I bought my jeans at the Gap.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2017
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Last night I used a towel to block a drafty door until I could buy some weatherstripping

It was, admittedly, a stop-gap solution.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blazemongr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2016
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Another grandpa joke

20 years ago Grandpa was driving us home, at night, on a country road when the headlights of an approaching car appeared in the distance. Lifting his arm up, pointing at the oncoming vehicle, he asked:

  • Do you think I can fit through the gap between those two motorcycles?
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DashcamWarriors
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2015
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Atop the Sydney Harbour Bridge, my dad pulled this one off

Dad: So how many climbs do you do in a day?

Tour guy: Today I have three. We've never had a full 24hrs, come close to it though. One day I started at 3am, and finished the next morning at 1am, we then had another tour at 3am.

Dad: I guess you could say that you almost bridged the gap.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/QueerlyPerfect
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2015
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Got my coworkers this morning

We work in produce, and we were setting up the store before we opened in the wee hours of the morning.

One of my coworkers was complaining how the new containers our blueberries come in don't really fit into the table anymore (they're about 1/2 inch wider than the old ones and its a pain to stack them without leaving any gaps)

I said "yea I was experimenting with making that work yesterday but I couldn't get it to, I guess there are too many berryables"

They all groaned but I thought it was brilliant. Sorry in advance for typos/formatting. I'm on mobile

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Something_Syck
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2015
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Interviewer: "I see there's a four year gap on your resume. What were you doing then?" Me: "I went to Yale in 2010" Interviewer: "Impressive! You're hired"

Me: "Thanks. I really need this yob"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume? Me: That's when I went to Yale... Interviewer: That's impressive. You are hired.

Me: Thanks. I really need this yob.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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[During Job interview] "Can you explain this gap in your rΓ©sumΓ©?" Me: "I fell asleep on the space key."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_ME_UR_F_SMILES
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2018
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THE INTERVIEW

Interviewer: How do you explain the for year gap in your resume?

Me : I went to Yale.

Interviewer: That's great. You're selected.

Me: Thanks I really needed this yob.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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