My dentist appointment is at Tooth-Irty!
https://imgur.com/gallery/cqAKGJ2
^ This is my reminder card I took a picture of the day I got it. I was actually surprised, after I made the Tooth-Irty joke a few appointments back, all of the front desk ladies straight hasn't ever heard that joke before and was face palm cracking up. How have they NEVER heard that joke before?! Either way, I was so stupid giddy when they scheduled it and I wanted to share today.
Keep calling your kids hungry, and never stop checking the thermostat.
They said it was just meaty ochre.
for an exhibition of artwork from both the "Da-da" and Pop Art movements.
It was pay per view
I guess you could say he was easel-y amused!
No further details were available.
“Is zit art?”
"I have good news and bad news", the owner replied. "Which one would you you like to hear first?"
"Give me the good news first."
"The good news is that, a man enquired about your work and wondered, if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it will, he brought all fifteen of your paintings."
The artist exclaims, "That's wonderful. What's the bad news?"
"The man was your doctor......."
What do you get in a granary?
https://imgur.com/gallery/IThTsoI
Nice touch.
But when i came back i couldn’t find it. Where did my Van Gogh?
https://imgur.com/gallery/rvVhPmQ
He asked me, “dad how do you get your car across the ocean if you move to a different country?”
I told him, “you put it on a cargo ship. They make your car go across the ocean.”
They're de-monet-ising his work.
This is more dad humor than a dad joke.
Cake day is coming up and so my son decided to give me a hard time about being old.
I responded that I may be old be he was catching up. He looked at me funny so I explained.
“When I was 24 you turned 1 year old. At that moment I was 24:1 or 24 times your age.
I am now 40 and you are 17 so 40:17 or 2.35 times your age. 24 is much larger than 2.35 so clearly you are catching up”
He responded, you can’t use ratios to compare two dates.
I said sure I can and made a graph:
https://imgur.com/gallery/5atlNhZ
I even included percentages to drive home the point.
He smacked his head and walked away.
They were framed.
Apparently, the robber stole some cash and a large frame, but as he was leaving he threw the large frame at a customer.
When the police showed up, the customer said,
“It wasn’t me! I’ve been framed!”
"Shooting isn't your cup of tea," he continued, "You better switch to archery."
Hello everyone,
I recently started making T-Shirts with dad jokes on them. I wanted to know if the rules here allow me to post my creations here.
Please advise.
Note: I tried to mark this as meta, but can't seem to add flair... Am I doing something wrong?
Here are some examples of my work:
https://imgur.com/gallery/AfuPwCn
I’m really proud of this one. https://imgur.com/gallery/DZk9syR
Before the meeting, we were talking about TVs and the convo went like this:
Me: Do you have a smart TV? Most of them have those streaming apps already installed.
Coworker: Nah, it's an ancient SmartTV. It's as smart as Forrest Gump.
Serious Coworker: Hey, that means it runs well.
My coworker and I: "...Nice."
Look at this photograph
(I see that image posts aren't allowed in this sub but gosh darn it, I earned this one. I throw myself on your mercy, mods.)
(Edit: Amazing, thank you for the silver, gold, and the platinum reward of Reddit: long self referential chains of bad jokes.)
Jenna Bush Hager interviews her dad (Bush 43) for an NBC special on the opening of his art exhibition at the Bush Presidential Library. About a minute in, he slips in a pretty good dad joke:
Jenna: Do these people know that you are painting them?
Bush: Sort of. There's no telling how these people are going to react. I think I told Tony [Blair] I was painting him and he sort of brushed it off.
Jenna: No 'art pun' intended.
Bush: That was definitely an art pun.
http://www.today.com/video/today/54864022#54864022
Edit: Grammar.
http://imgur.com/gallery/LVgGlW7
My eyes nearly rolled out of my head.
He responded, “Aisle B, Back”
Edit: wow first silver!!!! Thank you 🙏🏾 anonymous Redditor!
Edit2: my wife doesn’t use reddit. She’s thoroughly enjoying the responses to the joke in the joke jar she created for me and the silver (“whatever those are”). Happy Father’s!
Edit3: https://imgur.com/gallery/5G25Flw wife got me a nice gift 🎁
https://imgur.com/gallery/25phdsc
But at least they put out the welcome mat
https://imgur.com/gallery/pTcCJkd It turns out they all suck.
She seemed really, really scared. When I told her I couldn’t smell smoke, she showed me this picture: https://imgur.com/gallery/RbplooY, giggling like crazy.
Chip off the old block she is!
Edit: thank you so much for my first ever award!!!
Today I found this one.
Edit: Wow, thanks for the positive responses. Here are some more notes from her. Thank you reddit, for making my girlfriend famous for a day, she quite enjoyed your comments after a hard day's work :)
but no one was admitten it:
(this really happened tonight, check the photo) https://imgur.com/gallery/5gulFTe
https://imgur.com/gallery/bWpJujh
This tree looks like it needs a rest: (dad joke on picture)
http://imgur.com/gallery/FJpEElA
http://imgur.com/gallery/3GUE8
This was a group text from me to both of the kids. The younger was born exactly nine months from the Tuesday in question. The older one responded with a thumbs down.
Quaran-teen
Source: My local mechanic, bless his heart
http://imgur.com/gallery/XYWedTN
http://imgur.com/a/j9cGL?gallery
http://m.imgur.com/gallery/8FMv6d1
My daughter was upset that I removed her picture from my wallpaper to replace it with a Halloween themed one...well https://imgur.com/gallery/ellD82B
http://imgur.com/gallery/QeW3gl4
