Furnace Puns

Out-cold

Credit to my brother he’s not a dad but still

Sorry. I just gotta vent.

And vented my anger. We got into a heated argument. I later apologized for losing my cool after he told me he was a temp working to complete his degree. We agreed to meet for some cold beers.

Totally uncoal, dude.

Daughter, are you here? Son? Where is my brother? Is everyone here in this room with me now?

Yes Dad we're all here! Your entire family is here in this room!

Then why is the hallway light on?

is a furnace

I told him a furnace

My friend asks, "How was the house warming?" "With the furnace, I suppose."

My dad was telling me all the fancy features and telling me how efficient it is compared to our old gas furnace.

Me: Well it sounds like we are going to saving a bunch of money on our heating bill! That's awesome.

Dad: yeah it's super efficient. So I'm pretty pumped!

Me: -_-

Dad: shit eating grin and a good chuckle

Me: god dammit dad

Dad: "Time for bed, kids"

Kids: "Throw us in bed! Throw us in bed!"

(Dad picks a kid up in his arms)

Dad: "Did I ever tell you about the three men in the book of Daniel who were thrown into the fiery furnace?"

Kids: "No!"

Dad: "Their names were... Shadrach... Meshach... and ToBedYouGo!

(tosses squealing kid through the air, onto the bed)