I made a cabbage, carrot and corn stir-fry tonight! The recipe called for tilipia, but I put in pork. I realize now that I should have put in chicken, though...

...it's supposed to be a C-food stir-fry.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmcduff
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A fastidious fry cook at a local friend chicken joint had a different cutting board for every part of the chicken....

One day he decided to get a whole new set of cutting boards from Acme Board Co. However, while doing prep for all-you-can-eat hotwings night, he dropped one of the boards and it shattered.

He said, "Well, back to the old raw wing board."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm sure it has been done, but chicken fried rice! Found at a resort tempenaki restaurant.
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dinosoares21
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was my post removed?

Can someone tell me why my post was removed?

I'm a bit annoyed about this as it caused my fence to fall over

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Chicken-fried rice
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bombastic_Sushi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Went to cracker barrel yesterday for lunch with my dad and we got their new signature fried chicken

The waitress gave us our food and he started looking the pieces over really intently. He turned them all over and checked every side.

Waitress: is everything okay sir? Dad: No i think something's wrong with my chicken. (Looking at the pieces for a second time) Waitress: I'm sorry, what's wrong? Dad: I don't think they signed my chicken.

I lost it.

Happy Fathers day weekend!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rofsdraw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are Koreans so good at making fried chicken?

Because its Seoul food

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
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I have a new buttermilk fried chicken recipe so good it’s...

Legs β€˜n dairy

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
There's a haunted Kentucky Fried Chicken near my house.

They think it's poultrygeist.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Otto-McWrect
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I stepped on some dropped chicken fried chicken

Guess it really was sole food.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
🚨︎ report
How much space will Brexit free up in the European Union?

1 GB.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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[Fried Chicken Franchise] is moving to only serve wings from one side

It’s a vast right wing conspiracy

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snuzet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2017
🚨︎ report
I told my gluten intolerant wife I'd be making fried chicken for dinner...

She replied, "oh you batter not!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ottodidakt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Chinese restaurants do not get enough appreciation for all the work that they do

Do you have any idea how hard it is to teach a chicken how to fry?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CharlieFoxtrot432
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad made his first dad joke in a long time

For context: we have a vegetable garden and a dog named Max

During dinner, my mom remarked how her stir fry was made almost entirely out of vegetables from our garden except the eggs, to which my dad said β€œwell then we’ll just have to raise some chickens.”

I reply, β€œwell what about Max?”, implying that he might attack the chickens.

And without hesitation my dad replies, β€œwell he can’t lay eggs”

πŸ‘︎ 745
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asian_dodo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Who really fried my public image by calling me a chicken?

Colonel Slanders

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superpond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2012
🚨︎ report
Picking up chicken from our favorite fried chicken place last night.

Last night my parents came over for dinner, so we decided to order some fried chicken from one of our favorite restaurants.

My mom called in the order and placed it under my dad's name "Jon".

My dad and I go to pick up the chicken when it's ready, as we walk into the restaurant the lady at the front says "Are you here for Jon?"

Without any hesitation my dad says, "No, I'm here for chicken."

He chuckled to himself for a few seconds before letting the lady know that in fact yes, we were there to pick up the order.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grave_of_a_body
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
🚨︎ report
A woman asks her husband in the morning regarding breakfast.......

"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It must be the Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite.

At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food.

Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."

"Well," she says: ""Can you now stop and get off me? I'm bloody starving!!".

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a chicken proof lawn…

Its impeccable…

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2017
🚨︎ report
NEW!! Celebrity Fun in the Pun candle line!

Chris Pine - Pine scented

Cocoa Chanel - Hot cocoa scented

Beth Crow-ley - Rain, nighttime, and city streets scented

Tom Holly-and - Holly berry scented

JK Row-ling - Lakes and campfire scented

Miley Cypress - Cypress scented

Bob Moss - Forest and moss scented

Juniper Aniston - Juniper scented

Katy Berry - Mixed berry scented

Britney Spearmint - Spearmint scented

Bread Pitt - Bread scented

Tom Cruise - Ocean, salty, alcohol scented

Aurora - Nighttime, wind, whimsical scented

Nicole Kidman - baby powder scented

Justin Beaver - Wood, nature scented

Elvis Parsley - Parsley scented

Steve Cobs - Corn on the cob scented

Banana Montana - Banana scented

Orange Winfrey - Orange scented

Chris Bat - Nighttime, caves, and bats scented

Zoey Salad-ana - Salad, lettuce, leafy greens, tomato, cheese scented

Dwayne the Rock - Mountains, earthy, fresh, crisp, wind scented Jennifer Joe-pez - Nice hot cup o’ joe scented

Chicken Corbin Blue - Chicken and cheese and ham scented

Robert Brownie Jr. - Brownie scented

Sardine-a Gomez - Sardine scented

Daniel Rad-Clif - Clif bar blueberry flavor scented

Leonardo Di-Carp-rio - Fish scented

Halle Berry - Mixed scented

Demi Tomato - Tomato scented

Kevin Bacon - Bacon scented

Mandy S’more - S’mores scented

Mackerel-more - Fish scented

Broccoli Obama - Broccoli scented

WILL.I.SPAM. - Spam scented

Mark Buffalo Wings - Buffalo wing scented

John Lemon - Lemon scented

Shakiramisu - Tiramisu scented

Egg Sheeran - Eggs scented

Benedict Cucumber Patch - Cucumber scented

Adille - Dill scented

Kevin Spicy - Taco scented

Channing Potatum - Potato scented

Melon DeGeneres - Melon scented

Danny Burrito - Burrito scented

Michaelanjello - Red jello scented

Harry Panini - Panini scented

Snoop Hot Dog - Hot dog scented

Paris Hilton - Paris, city of love, generic love perfume scented

Morgan Whipped Cream-in - Whipped cream scented

Mike Fryson - French fry scented

Henry David Thoreaut Lozenge - Cough drop scented

Raisin Williams - Raisin scented

Robert Frosty - Vanilla ice cream scented

Jeff Onion-blum - Onion ring scented

Tom Skittle-ston - Skittles scented

Ralph Waldo M&Mson - Chocolate scented

Malt Whitman - Malt scented

(Friend and I came up with these on the ride down to Boston for a concert, after the β€œI wonder what Chris Pine smells like?” joke was brought up again from a previous time hanging out. I’m particularly proud of Bob Moss and Zoey Salad-ana.)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minnara
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Got my fiance today as he was telling me about his Burger King experience

Fiance: "For 4.50 Euros I got fries, a large drink and a long chicken"

Me: "That's called a goose"

He told me to leave.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourYam
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Bacon Puns

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!


Whats green and smells like bacon? Β Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?


Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.


Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Β Kevin Bacon


If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries


Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.


Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.


What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.


Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.


What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.


How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.


What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.


What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.


What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.


First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.


Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.


If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper β€œHere comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost


I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon


If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?


This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.


If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.


I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.


My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.


When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2017
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Cut my life into pieces

Make it the reeses sort

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2016
🚨︎ report
Got my wife today while reading a Burger King ad.

Me: "Hey, you can get 2 Whopper Jrs and 2 small fries for 4 bucks. That's a good deal I guess."

Wife: "Well, it's kinda just like a dollar menu.

Points to each item "Buck, buck, buck, buck."

Me: "Nah, that's the chicken."

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bostonbedlam
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2016
🚨︎ report
Got my roommate twice tonight

We were eating at a Chinese food buffet. A fry stuck to his teriyaki chicken and I said "decided to have fried chicken huh?". Later when he opened a fortune cookie to find it empty I said "how unfortunate for you". He was disgusted with me. I was proud.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atheistRN
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2015
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I told my dad about this subreddit

He didn't seem impressed. "No fried chicken." He exclaimed.

Later that night at the table I complained about how dry the chicken was. He handed me the tablet and said, "Sobreadit."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeepwellBridge
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2017
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Got my wife at dinner last night...

Wife: I'm trying to decide between two burgers or the chicken fried steak.

Me: There is no way you can eat two burgers, I would go with the steak.

Wife: angry stare.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wurst_Law
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2016
🚨︎ report
I got my wife but good with this one.

We got fried chicken take-out tonight, when:

Wife: Are thighs white or dark meat?

Me: Dark.

Wife: Then what's the other white meat?

Me: Pork.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Olivia_DAHLING
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2016
🚨︎ report
My sister told me this

My sister works as a social worker dealing with adults with intellectual disabilities. This happened today.

The staff was talking to the clients about food and fast food chains.

Staff: Where is your favorite place to get your fried chicken from?

Client: From my plate.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kuebic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2016
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked by a legal opinion

From a trademark case filed by Zatarain's (the jambalaya guys) regarding competitor's "Chicken Fry" and "Fish Fry". Zatarain's lost at the district level and appealed.

"Battered, but not fried, Zatarain's appeals from the adverse judgment on several grounds."

I audibly groaned.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meathappening
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2014
🚨︎ report
I took this girl I was seeing out for some Indian food today.

Not being well-acquainted with Indian food, we ordered an appetizer at random. It was deep fried and we couldn't really tell what was in it.

Her: For all we know, we could be eating chicken eyes right now.

Me: Nah, I'm pretty sure I know how they look.

She sighed, but failed in stifling her smile.

I'm only twenty two, but I can feel the dadforce growing in me.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tehgreatiam
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2015
🚨︎ report
Confucius, he say:

Man who cooks meat and peas in same pot... Is unhygienic!

(Every time my dad makes chicken fried rice)

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zackwe
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2014
🚨︎ report
My wife's unconciously a greater dad than I

So my wife and I were making some fried chicken wings tonight. So I asked her:

Me: "Did you make these from a recipe?"

Her: "Well I didn't just WING it!"

Me: "Haaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! I see what you did there."

Her: "What?" she thinks for a bit and then just gives me a stare.

Later on in the conversation we're discussing how it's been a long day and wings sound good.

Me: "Wings and Alcohol sound like a great combo for today."

Her: "Well it is FRIday."

Me: "Heyoooooo!!!! Nice one."

Her: she just glares at me

....

I secretly think she's an awesome dad. Either that or my puns are infiltrating every corner of her mind.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WakeskaterX
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2014
🚨︎ report
which came first? chicken or egg?

eggs first, for breakfast! fried chicken for dinner!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fnord
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Chicken

It's simple. Just fry the chicken. Which part of it did you nugget?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Assamreddit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Lunch with Dad

Having lunch with my old man today and we both had a fried chicken sandwich that had a fried egg on it (it was delicious). So my Dad, being a dad said "what do you taste first, the chicken or the egg? It's an evolutionary sandwich!"

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tiiimmmbooo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken cross the state line?

He just had to get out of there because he heard that Kentucky fried chicken!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTrekkie1701
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2016
🚨︎ report

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