My friend dumped a five hundred pound load of pig intestines on his boss's desk in protest...

That took a lot of guts!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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I told my friend his β€˜hundred eggs in five days’ diet made me deathly ill.

He told me that was an eggsaturation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Duzervee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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Five hundred people were exposed to ten different puns, to see if any of them made the subject laugh.

Sadly, no pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 262
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πŸ‘€︎ u/popularvote
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2016
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I heard of an offer at my local chip shop where they give you one chip, a drop of vinegar and five hundred pounds cash for free, no questions asked...

I thought "I'll take that with a grain of salt."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardFM
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2017
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Went to the grocery store. The cashier must've been a dad.

He says "That will be five hundred and ninety-eight pennies." After my friend and I smiled, he followed it up with, "when you say it that way, it just makes sense." (cents)

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lamblikeawolf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2014
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Trying to lighten up the mood at the DMV.

I was registering a vehicle to my name that I bought off a guy who had a lean out on it. The credit union who was holding the title took forever and a day to send it my way. Well in California, you need to transfer the vehicle in under five days of the purchase. Unknowingly, I waltz into the joint expecting a boom bam thank you ma'am process. Low and behold the clerk says I owe a hundred and some odd bucks for being late, but I explained her the situation and since it was not my fault she flopped the form to waive this fee.

I saw my opportunity and I pounced...

"So this is the....Tidal Wave?"

I get a blank stare for a solid ten seconds and she slaps down another form saying that I owe 500 dollars in taxes. Good ol' California DMV.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/my_leggg_guy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2014
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