That Eiffel tower is an eyeful!
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea
Why did Hitler wear eye glasses?
Because without them he could Nazi.
What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??
An Optical Aleutian
I’ll see myself out...
My son said, “I accidentally put ketchup in my eye. I should have been more careful.”
I said, “That’s Heinz sight for you.”
What did one eye say to the other eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes :(
Yeah, now I have Heinzsight.
Who DOESN'T enjoy a little eye candy on a Wednesday afternoon?
Next time you go to the eye doctor say its nice to see you again
My wife's eyes are so much more noticeable these days.
Wife says I won’t get 5 upvotes for this, but... Did you hear the one about the dog and the tree?
They had a long conversation about bark.
Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.
What happened to the boy who got tomato sauce in his eyes?
Dunno. But he probably learnt his lesson because Heinz sight is 20/20!
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
Cow jokes that are great for making your kids' eyes roll :
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef!
What do you call a cow after it gives birth? De-calf-enated!
Did you hear about that cow that jumped over a barbed wire fence? It was udder destruction.
(After they beg you to stop, hit them with: "Ok, it's time too mooooove on to some different jokes. These cow jokes are getting udderly ridiculous.")
I asked my doctor what I could do about my irritated eyes. He said "check out conjunctivitis.com."
"It's a site for sore eyes."
My girlfriend poked me in the eye I stopped seeing her after a while
I remember a time when plastic surgery was a taboo subject, but nowadays when you mention botox..
..no one even raises an eyebrow.
Why was the eye doctor called for the comatose gunshot victim?
What do you call a fish with no eye's?
What happens when you give the Devil two eyes and turn him around?
He becomes Livid.
I'll see myself out now.
When you die, your eyes have a few extra seconds just before they die.
It's because they dilate.
Which eye doctor makes you happy?
Eye did not see that coming
When I was first learning Photoshop I got a bit creative. I could hear my friends roll their eyes.
My vet picked up my dog, looked at him and confirmed that he was cross-eyed and that he had to be put down.
Confused and upset, I asked why.
The vet advised he was too heavy to hold any longer.
What type of jokes do eyes like?
My Wife was complaining about her deteriating eye sight
I said it's a shame because they're so pretty.
I guess they weren't made for use,
but just for looks.
Did I tell you guys about the cross-eyed teacher?
She couldn’t control her pupils.
What do you call a dear with no eyes
No eye dear
What do you call a dear with no eyes or legs
Still no eye dear
What do you call a dear with no eyes or legs cut in half
Still half no eye dear
The earliest memory I have is going to the doctor with my dad to get my eyes checked.
Things before that is a blur.
Just got an epic eye roll for this: My son was showing me his school work from math, where he was learning fractions. I pointed to where he wrote his name on a line at the top and asked what that fraction was.
I told him it should be {Sons Name} / Mommy. Since he came from her.
Then I said he could reduce that fraction further since he came from his mommy, that fraction would equal....
One Whole
Scientists have developed a microscopic needle that is too small to be seen by the naked eye...
I just don't see the point.
Some people told their dad that Dora has a visual impairment and that Boots and the viewers were her eyes. Then the father bought them Dora-themed gifts for Christmas.
And then someone commented "They must've thought you were a-Dora-ble.
I once saw a cloud of mist form before my eyes, then take the form of a giant tent peg...
Sorry I've been so quiet here today. I've been keeping a close eye on the local news. Apparently there's a lad going around stabbing people with knitting needles.
Police say he may be following a pattern.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
“Because they have no balls to scratch”
Couple of coworkers talking about which eye they shoot with...
then they asked which eye I shoot with. I said neither, I use my finger.
I have the eye of a tiger, the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
I got ketchup in my eyes.
What do you call a Deer with no eyes?
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
I regret rubbing eyes with ketchup
I accidentally got ketchup in my eyes
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