As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...

"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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"I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework." Rolling his eyes, my computer science professor shot back, "Really?! Your dog ate your coding assignment?"

"Well, to be perfectly honest, it did take him a couple bytes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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I wrote this while laughing at my daughters eye rolling.

To the tune of Row row row your boat.Roll roll roll your eyes because you are a teen. Your Mother and Father are very dumb and you know everything.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Speedbump71
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2016
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My husband’s adding to his stash of dad jokes for our future childrenβ€”here’s an especially eye-rolling example when we were walking back from class today.

I noticed a couple of really cute ground squirrels that have started a little community next to the soccer field at our college campus, and pointed them out. This was his reply.

DH: Oh man, they’re adorable! Can you buy one of those at a pet store? I wonder how much they’d gopher....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lifeinsuitcase
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
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My husband got my daughter today. Eye rolling occurred...

Eating at IHOP

Daughter: "What is sugar substitute?"

Dad: "You use that when sugar calls in sick."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emilykitt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2016
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I earned myself an eye-rolling from the waitress this morning.

I went to a diner called Mo's Egg House to grab some breakfast with some friends. We ended up ordering two eggs benedicts and two eggs florentine.

The waitress said "Wow, you guys are easy." To which I replied "overeasy."

Everyone hates me now. I love it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tehgreatiam
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2015
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I could practically hear my boyfriend's eyes rolling.

Hungry boyfriend: i want ribs. Me: (touches his ribcage) but you already have some!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theothersam
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2014
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I think they hurt themselves rolling their eyes.

I went out to Denny's and I was looking at the menu. Disgusted I had to tell everyone I had to order from the breakfast menu. They asked why and I told them because I am lack toast intolerant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/loomdog1
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2015
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Courtesy of my eye-rolling wife to tell to my kids when they grow up

Wife sent me these (she can't believe she's condoning this behavior):

What does the subatomic duck say? Quark Quark

Two photons arrive at the airport and they are asked if they have any luggage to check. "No thanks, we're traveling light"

Source

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πŸ‘€︎ u/avelertimetr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2014
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Simple, but effectively resulted in eye-rolling

I was with a friend tonight and we made plans to hang out next weekend.

Me: "Yeah, let's do that next Friday, I don't have anything planned."

Her: "Okay cool, what day is that?"

Me: "Friday."

Her: groaning, rolling eyes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/king_england
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2014
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I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"

"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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Eye roll upto the brain
πŸ‘︎ 193
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyYoda
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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My wife said there was a large fly buzzing around our bedroom and told me to go kill it. I rolled my eyes and said she should call 911. She asked why.

I responded: So they can send the swat team.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OfficerBarbier
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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I never roll my eyes at people.

I only roll my R’s.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OhTheComedy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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Two monsters were at a party having a good time when one of them noticed a lady monster rolled her eyes at them. The monster asked his monster friend "what should I do?"

The other other monster replied "be a gentleman, roll them back to her."

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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I boasted to my son, "Did you know scientists discovered that the brains of male parents irreversibly change after their first child was born?" He rolled his eyes and ignored me, but I carried on...

"They become brain-dad!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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Some think dad jokes make just roll your eyes. But they are actually awesome. And here is why.

###Y

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeSpatula
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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I told my wife a dad joke and she gave me two eye rolls...

Normally, she rolls only one eye. 😡

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Tried this on daddit and it was not well received, got a hard eye roll and a giggle from my daughter, am I doing this right? I need some help with my leeky bowl.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theaut0maticman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
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Bad puns are how eye roll
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Content_Drummer
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
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What do you call a group of baby soldiers?

An infantry

Side note: I will be a first time father at the end of March. I am proud to join the dad joke ranks, my wife and son will learn to appreciate the content from this subreddit 😬

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The-Thong-Song
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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Bad puns are how eye roll.
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Made my 11 yr old laugh and my wife roll her eyes this kornint. It was a good day.

My 2 yr old is constantly dropping small toys down the grate on the air return and a couple rolled out if site. This morning, I stuck my head down it and found a couple the had been missing for a couple weeks. Yay, dad!

My wife told me "She likes to drop her toys down there when she's angry."

I told her "you can't be upset. She's just venting!"

Groans and laughs ensued.

Edit: "this morning." What the hell is a kornint?

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tbare
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
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Before crowbars were invented...

...most crows drank at home by themselves.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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I heard my wife's eyes roll through text...

Wife: Stopping at the bar for a drink after work.

Me: Would you bring some whiskey home?

Wife: 10-4

Me: = 6

Edit: this particular bar has a liquor store up front.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaosX422
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
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Why don’t ants get sick?

Because they have little anty-bodies.

Edit: THANK YOU!! Kind stranger whoever you are out there, for the silver!! Just trying to keep the kids facepalming and the wives eye rolling. You guys are awesome!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BelleskaTROn-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Eye roll
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Manny-Hatz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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On the dad joke scale, I got my first ever eye-roll and sharp exhale WITH a walk out of the room from my wife!

Me: Today was an awful day at work

Wife: Are you serious? Tell me about it

Me: I’m not Sirius, I’m your husband. And Itt was a short, hirsute creature who looked short of like a haystack with sunglasses; he was Gomez’s cousin and spoke in high pitched gibberish all the time. Now if we could get back to my day...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mfitzy87
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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What do you do when someone rolls their eyes at you?

You roll them back

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trippyjabberwocky
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Got my girl to roll her eyes with this one at the fair.

There were costumed food characters on stage in a cooking demonstration at the fair we were at (ice cream, churro, orange, and really round corn on the cob).

As the corn character was introduced, I turned to my girlfriend and said, "Aww shucks, that corn is a little husky."

The immediate look of disdain and the eye roll from her is my reason for living.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkelsey4610
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2016
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We were driving across state over the holidays and my 4 year old tells us she has to pee. We just happened to be almost to an exit with several gas stations to take her. I proudly proclaimed β€˜Urine luck! There are plenty of places to go at this exit!’ Sadly, I only got an eye roll from my wife.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beergelden
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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Apple announced a new product for wives that helps cope with spontaneous dad jokes throughout their day.

The iRoll

Edit: thank you kind strangers for the awards! I told my wife we've struck gold and she immediately upgraded to the newest iRoll v2 software!!!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Use2HandsPlease
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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Real story: I'm prepped for a wedding and walking with my dad about to meet up with my girlfriend. I know his tendencies so I tell him "dad, please, no jokes." And he replies, "with what you're wearing, I won't need to." I roll my eyes and say, "oh, wow, sick burn dad."

I look over, and he's reaching into his pocket and pulls out a little vial, and shakes it out all over me. He hands me this vial and he's made a shitty label around it, and he wrote on this fricken label, "Directions: Add in salt to injury".

He's a legend among my friends dads.

πŸ‘︎ 653
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
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My wife first looked confused then rolled her eyes. I may be ready to be a dad.

My wife was sitting on the couch, handed me her phone, and said, "charge this". I took the phone and said,

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law..."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mhoke63
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2015
🚨︎ report
They rushed me into the hospital with all my limbs detached, screaming in pain, but the doctor took one look at me and rolled his eyes.

β€œPull yourself together.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jollyben
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
You can tell how people feel about your jokes by how they treat your gate.

If they leave it alone, they like your jokes. If they steal it, they've taken a fence.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MakeMeADonut
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my daughter if we needed anything at the grocery store. She said "Soy Sauce."

I replied: "Ola Sauce, Soy Dad."

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesmartass1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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Even Ferdinand Feghoot could be outpunned on occasion – but he always rose to the challenge.

There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits – all from late twentieth-century Terra – on a training study of Carter’s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.

β€œLook at the perfection with which these streets are graded”, exclaimed one student. β€œEarth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?”

β€œA new alleyway is being constructed, nearby”, said Feghoot. β€œLet us walk that way while I explain.” As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carter’s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.

β€œI see”, said the student. β€œIt’s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.”

β€œThat’s right,” Feghoot went on smoothly. β€œYou just hit the road jack and don’t come back no mo.”

His students registered dismay and anguish.

β€œIsn’t that right, old-timer?,” Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.

β€œAhm afraid not, suh”, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. β€œOh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. It’s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.

β€œSo you see,” he finished, eyes twinkling, β€œMah hammered alley is really cashews clay.”

Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. β€œAnd he”, he said, turning to his students, β€œis clearly the gradi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nomnommish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Day 4: β€œwhy do you say so many bad puns”

β€œThat’s how eye roll”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pizzatron574
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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Wife laughed

Me, reading joke off internet Wife, rolls eye Me, sorry I just reddit

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmaxters4
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
My Dad carried this in his wallet for years. I used to roll my eyes every time he pulled it out, but now the memory always makes me smile. mindwerx.com/files/imagec…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pups_the_Jew
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
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It's the pilot's fault.

See a story about a pilot didn't remember his correct destination. Look at my 19 year old son and say "He just plane forgot!"
His eyes rolled like that boulder in Indiana Jones

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jmac0585
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Running dad joke. I say "Hmm, is it a foot?" Eye roll every time.

Running with my daughter. She stops and says "dad I have something in my shoe."

I say "Hmm, is it a foot?"

Used to laugh but now just get eye rolls every time.

πŸ‘︎ 273
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnFrum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2015
🚨︎ report
We were eating take-out sushi on the couch last night

And one of our kittens (7mo/f) starts nosing her away aggressively around our feet.

15/f daughter: β€˜Oh kitty, what are you doing?’

Me: β€˜I think she’s fishing.’


Achievement unlocked: my daughter smiled, and didn’t groan, roll her eyes, or whine β€˜Daaaad’.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KravMata
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Landed a good I think while pressure washing today.

Me: Well son the driveway was long over due for a cleaning.

My son: oh yeah? Was it?

Me: I think evidence is pretty concrete!

He gave me the eye roll and head back, a win in my book.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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I like dad jokes.

But hey, that's just how eye roll.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...

"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"

"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randomguy6282
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I just told a joke and my wife rolled her eyes at me

I just rolled them back

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Demonazzzz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad jokes are how eye roll!
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Bad puns, that's how eye roll.
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Abby-lea
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2017
🚨︎ report

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