I showed up to my last job interview exhausted and stoned
Feeling “exhausted” ? Have a seat !
I sat on the toilet, angry, exhausted, and late for work.
I said to myself, “I don’t have time for this shit.”
it was an emotional wedding...
People who run behind cars get exhausted.
But people who run in front of cars get tired.
What does a pirate say when he takes his car into the garage with a dodgy exhaust.
" Aaaaarrrr.....she blows."
Wife: I’m exhausted. I was up until 4 AM with the baby.
Me: It’s probably not a good idea to keep a baby up that late.
Why was the gay man exhausted after a long day at the office?
Because he worked 9 hours straight.
My mechanic is 87 years old and he still works 40 hours a week.
Whenever he says "I'm ready to retire," his boss puts him right back to work on another car.
A man installed on his car new brakes, bearings, crankshaft, tires and exhaust.
He took a break, he couldn't bear it.. he was cranky, tired and exhausted.
The architect of Big Ben must have been exhausted
They were working around the clock
Right after being born, my newborn daughter wouldn't "latch" for her first feeding. So after 27-plus hours of labor and four hours of pushing, I looked at my poor, exhausted wife and said, "Looks like she's... resisting abreast."
My first official dad joke.
Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! I’ll be putting this in my little one’s Reddit Scholarship Fund!
Guys, I had a really exhausting day yesterday, filling in forms and calculating the surplus of money I had to pay to the country.
Last night I dreamt I was a muffler
Weird dream
I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamt that I was a muffler and......I woke up exhausted.
Confusius says:
Man runs after a car; he gets exhausted.
Man runs in front of car; he gets tired.
Just remembered a classic my brother-in-law dropped after my niece was born (A couple months ago)
My mother FaceTimed me so I could show her my sister and her baby
I went into my sister's room and said, "Hey mom wants to see you. Can you say a quick hello?"
Sister: Sure but just for a minute, I'm exhausted.
BIL, without dropping a beat: Hi exhausted, I'm a new dad!
Old but gold
A guy starts working at a submarine. In the first day he works as a cleaner, then helps at the kitchen. Next day he runs the ship. In the evening he’s absolutely exhausted so he asks his friend “Why I have to change my position every time?”
He replies “I know, this sub is full of reposts”
I'm exhausted. Just got back from the hospital
My girlfriend was really sick and the doctors said she urgently needed a blood transfusion. They asked me what her blood type was, but I had no idea. I frantically tracked my brain, trying to remember if she'd told me. She must have sensed my panic, because she looked up at me and with her final breath said, "Be positive. Be positive" She's right, though I will miss her.
Confucius say
Man who chase car soon get exhausted
And man who try to outrun car soon get tired
Being a parking enforcement officer has to be the most exhausting job out there.
It seems like there's always a lot to do.
I replaced my car's muffler today.
A terrorist tried to blow up a bus.....
But he burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe!
Every morning I take a bike ride through the park at least twice no matter how exhausted I am...
I always push myself to recycle.
Why does my motorcycle keep falling asleep?
I’m exhausted! When I get home from work I’m just gonna lie down and stare at the ceiling.
This evening’s definitely looking up
My friend called an said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Fixing tail pipes is exhausting work
I was telling Dad jokes the entire night
Today I asked my dad how he was feeling. He said ‘like a car’
I just got done writing my exhaustive dictionary of anatomy terms.
It's a significant body of work.
My wife and I went on a trip to Cuba to stay at a few different places. By the end of week 2, we were walking barefoot across a beach, nearly dying of thirst and exhausted. We were wondering if we'd make it home, until I spotted a server holding some drinks. We sprinted towards her and drank both.
I gotta say, I’m 36 years old, exhausted and run down
Next year I’ll be in my prime though.
What did the Chevy say to the Tesla?
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
If you run in front of a car you get tired, if you run behind a car you get exhausted
Chase after a car you get exhausted
Run in front of a car you get tyred
Last night I had a dream I was making love to a muffler.
When I woke up I was so exhausted.
I had a dream last night I was a muffler.
Last night I dreamed I was a muffler
Running in front of a car will get you tired, but...
Running behind a car will get you exhausted
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