A man is being taken to the gallows for his execution. The executioner asked if he had any last requests, and he asked for a high five.

The executioner left him hanging.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatspin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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Awful taste but great Exeggutor (Execution)
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mikehosy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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I'm sad I didn't get to see how my execution ended...

I was left hanging.

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mitochondria420
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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Awful taste but great execution
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mooshi_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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Special Report: Execution Botched Today Due to Hangman's Absence During Knot Tying Seminar in his Youth

Breaking Noose

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeywithanr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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The guilloutine is apparently a relatively painless method of execution.

Heads will roll if word of this gets around.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
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My dad was flawless with the execution of this zinger...

Me on the phone with my dad - "I got a cat!"

Dad - "What's it's name?"

Me - "Susan."

Dad - "So it's a girl?"

Me - "Of course...her name's Susan. Do you think I'd name a boy cat Susan?"

Dad - "No...I suppose that if it was a boy, it would B. Anthony."

Good one, Dad...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diiiiirty
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2014
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Touring the "medieval torture and execution" section of an old European castle, when I dropped this one...

"The guillotine truly was cutting-edge technology at the time."

A dad within earshot said he appreciated my sharp wit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shadowthunder
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2015
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What do you call an egg dish with noble intentions, poor eyesight and erratic execution?

Don QuichotΓ©.

New dad 9/14/14, finally can legit post in here (=

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derptron5K
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2014
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Co-worker got me with nice execution...

Me: Oh, It's International Joke Day!

CW: I have a joke, but I don't think it will go down well

Me: Do any of your jokes ever go down well?

CW: Well, my TV joke normally gets a good reception.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaseyJay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2015
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French revolution puns?

I only have one.

The Americans supported the cause of the French Revolution, but not the execution.

Puns off the names Robespierre, Saint Just, etc especially requested.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iggypopstesticle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2014
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Why wasn't the scuba diver invited to the company's executive beach party?

Because he was below C-level.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRockingDead
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

The jokes weren't that good ,but I liked the execution

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssr0203
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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Why wasn't RBG a business executive?

You have to be ruthless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikeme5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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In Ancient Greece, people who had beliefs contrary to the worship of Poseidon were executed for Heresea
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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I used to be a hangman

I would hang the thieves that were caught stealing. One day I got fired, It's because I didn't get the execution right.

(badum tss)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ur_Left_Airpod
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
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Sbarro pizza company charged with violating state COVID executive order

They are expected to make an appearance in Food Court next week.

Good evening. I'll see my self out...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ldeweyjr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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I tried to tell a joke about a guillotine

I didn't execute it properly

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WalterNewton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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Jokes about murders aren't funny

Unless they're properly executed, that it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Such-Fig-3879
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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The Harry Potter films were really good, but I think nearly headless Nick was poorly executed
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jasoneill23
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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It's just a pun, honest
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AspiBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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I have a joke about sentences...

But I fear I may get executed. People are too judgy nowadays.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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My 3 year old's first joke

What's wobbly in the sky A jellycopter

Not the best execution, but I'm happy he's joining the tradition of bad jokes

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rushpig
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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I was going to make a joke about capital punishment

But I wasn't sure how to execute it

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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Wanna hear an ISIS joke?

It has poor execution .

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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If Pete Buttigieg wins the election, he'll be the first person to move from the judicial branch to the executive.

(Booty Judge)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/powermad47
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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My four year old: Daddy, what is Alexa scared of?

Me: She's just a robot, I don't think she ever feels fear.

My son: She's scared of getting Alexa-cuted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TalornCeleron
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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What’s the 9 letters of the pirate alphabet? (CORNY ALERT)

R, I, and the seven c’s

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImStayingForNow
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
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Nearly Headless Nick had such potential to be a great character

But he was so badly executed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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My executive assistant has long hair.

I call him my mane man

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
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I was in a meeting with five executives from Tencent.

It felt like I was speaking to 50 Cent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kuroha_zone
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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Dadjoked the executive board room today

Got quite a few groans I was pretty proud of today!

We were talking about hiring a new manager for a field team, and it turned out the guy we liked the most had several felony convictions for gun possession.

COO: I'm not sure we can take the risk, despite his valuable experience.
Me: Well guys, at least we know he'll stick to his guns.

I'll make a very good dad one day.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tombodadin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2014
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DROP YOUR BEST PUNS FOR HISTORY DRINKING GAME

I'm creating a drinking game where every important event equals to drinking, but I am nowhere close to NAMING my drinking game. A friend of mine recommended this subreddit, saying that people drop some really punny puns here. Give your ideas for a title, I think up to 6 words would be okay.

Let's see what you can do!

What you need to know about the game:

  • You can create your timeline based on packages (ages, countries, continents, etc).
  • Every important event has a normal action and drinking action.
  • You never know in which year you are located but get an estimate year. You can either guess the year (or date) and get a free pass or you have to execute the action or drinking action. When you guess wrong, you'll have to double it.

That's basically it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tyounr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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I knew everyone on my cruise

guess it was a pretty good relation-ship

please don't execute me

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/John_Deere_9400
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I got in trouble at work for damaging an executive's Microsoft tablet.

I defended myself saying "I've barely scratched the Surface"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RutabagaJoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
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What do you call a chemistry executive who loves coffee?

A chem ex

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dd0sed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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Our company VP just hit the executive suite with this one...

You know how you can tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? ...One will see you later, the other will see you in a while.

Me being the only other dad in the room silently chuckled while the other 3 non-dad executives let out an audible groan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ih8YourCat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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What do you call it when a group of business executives start a band?

Linked’in park

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotVeryPolitical
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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How are bottles executed?

Decapitation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bomemeianrhapsody
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
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I knew a guy who got executed via guillotine

He really lost his mind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lunalaxthegod
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
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How did Microsoft executives advertise back then?

Via Billboard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
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What do you call a disease affecting crows?

CROW-VID-19

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anonymous8776
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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The executive sat on his katana after his proposed new corporate structure was rejected

Apparently, the board didn't approve of the bottom-up harakiri

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boganic-alcoholic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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Why did the Pope execute the fleas?

Because they were hair-ticks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/e_vaneck98
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
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What do you call a death sentence gone wrong?

Good concept, bad execution.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElephantsAreHuge
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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A couple is divorcing in court, and they are fighting for custody of their only child:

The woman tries to pity the judge: -Judge, I carried this child 9 months in my belly, it is the flesh of my flesh and it comes directly to me! The judge is moved and says: -Right mam, but now, lets listen to your husband's arguments. The man prefers to use his pragmatic side, and says: -Judge, when I put my coin in the vending machine,Is the can mine or is it to the machine?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elouan_lrch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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