What does Jeff Bezos do every night before bed?
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︎ Oct 04 2020
A group of people meet up and eat together every night. But they do not talk about it.
They are part of the bite club
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︎ Nov 26 2020
I played monopoly with my family last night and managed to capture every railroad
Everybody thought the game was a real trainwreck
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︎ Sep 03 2020
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
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︎ Aug 11 2020
I donβt know how you guys get home every night but, I squat down, put my head between my knees and fall forward.
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︎ Jul 08 2020
My wife uses a whole bottle of dishwasher every time she washes the dishes at night.
Another day, another Dawn.
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︎ Mar 07 2020
Every night I put my cellphone in charging and I wake up finding it in another room.
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︎ Jul 02 2020
Every night I tell my wife Iβm going out for a jog, but I donβt go, and she knows it
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︎ Oct 25 2019
Iβm tired of seeing βHey OP, I slept with your mom last night!β every time I post something on Reddit.
I shouldnβt have told my dad what my username was.
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︎ Apr 21 2019
My neighbours were being too loud every night
I wanted to install some soundproofing, but the choices were just baffling
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︎ Aug 23 2019
I take a ruler to bed with me every night....
...so in the morning I can find out how long I slept.
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︎ Jan 08 2019
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but idk, iβve seen stranger things.
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︎ Jun 29 2019
What does the radio host say to their guitar every night?
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︎ Aug 04 2019
DAD: Fifty years ago I had nothing, but I got to sleep with a hot 23 year old girl every night. Now we have a large house and a nice car, but I'm sleeping with an old woman. What happened?
MOM: Go ο¬nd yourself a hot 23 year old girl and I'll make sure you'll once again have nothing.
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︎ Aug 21 2019
I told my therapist that I dream every night of fighting Jason Bourne and Mr. Ripley.
She said, βItβs ok. You are just battling your Damons.β
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︎ Feb 15 2019
I used to stay up every night wondering where the sun went....
And then it dawned on me.
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︎ Mar 05 2019
My neighbor keeps creeping around his own windows every night.
I think he has stalk home syndrome.
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︎ Nov 12 2018
I went to my psychiatrist and said, "Doc. Every night I have this dream. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam.
He said relax, you're two tents.
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︎ Jun 28 2018
I wish I didnβt have to sleep every night
Iβm just so tired of it.
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︎ Nov 04 2018
The sheer number of drunk people walking away from bars every night must be staggering
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︎ Dec 05 2017
Being married is like staying at a fancy hotel. My wife provides turn-down service every night.
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︎ Feb 25 2018
Why did the farmer turn on the radio in his barn every night?
Because the cows like moosic.
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︎ Jan 12 2018
deleting all the numbers from my phone every night is so annoying,
when will they invent a phone where you can sleep with contacts in
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︎ Aug 22 2016
Every fucking night
Me: Hey Dad what are we doing for dinner?
Dad: Eating it
Me: Okay what are we eating for dinner?
Him: Food
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︎ Sep 17 2013
Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.
My shrink says I'm just being self centaured.
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︎ Jan 11 2015
Get my prego wife every night with this gem when when she goes out for walks after dark and wears a safety vest
'Now honey, don't forget to reflect on all sorts of things while you're out there.... especially car headlights!'
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︎ Nov 24 2015
Every damn night
This one is translated from Dutch, dunno works as well in English, but here goes!
Me: "What are we gonna do with dinner?"
Him: "Eat"
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︎ Sep 22 2013
Every fondue night in our house we can expect this gem.
When some people say Fon don't, I say fondue.
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︎ Sep 08 2013
i figure out why my boston terrier takes up the whole bed and how she pushes my wife and i off every night.
it's because it's only a QUEEN sized bed. we can't all fit!
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︎ Jul 28 2014
I got this nearly every night.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Betty.
Betty who?
Betty time for Johnny.
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︎ Sep 20 2013
Every time I wash the dishes at night after dinner, I use a whole bottle of dishwashing liquid.
Another day, another Dawn.
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︎ Apr 23 2020
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