My buddy and I used to be Marijuana dealers and we always split our profits evenly between us.
π︎ 138
π
︎ Feb 07 2021
What kind of oven doesn't cook food evenly?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 16 2020
What happened when two herds of evenly-matched cows got into a turf war?
There was mootual destruction
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 15 2020
What do an evenly distributed mixture and a really smart gay dude have in common?
They're both homogeneous.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 09 2018
Why do people say "we're running late " even when they're not running?
π︎ 3k
π
︎ May 15 2021
I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus
but graphing is where I draw the line
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
I don't even know how many puns I made here. I am a pun-aholic.
π︎ 423
π
︎ May 01 2021
Gay jokes aren't even funny, like
π︎ 811
π
︎ Apr 15 2021
How do you make 7 even?
π︎ 71
π
︎ May 07 2021
Is 'The Vampire Diaries' even a good show?
I heard the Characters suck a lot
π︎ 21
π
︎ May 23 2021
Why do astronauts never get depressed, even if they stay in outer space for months?
There's nothing there to bring them down
π︎ 47
π
︎ Apr 29 2021
I have to go to work at the museum this evening, moving suits of armour around.
π︎ 14
π
︎ May 27 2021
So the cops just came to my door, they said my dog was chasing someone on a bike, I told them "my dog doesn't even own a bike"
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 15 2021
2 is the only prime number that is even.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Apr 24 2021
It might interest you to know that French Fries have never even been made in France.
They've only ever been made in Greece.
π︎ 16
π
︎ May 13 2021
Two skunks were named In and Out. One day, In went missing. Even though he was deep in the forest, Out found him right away. When asked how he did it, Out replied
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 21 2021
How do you make an Ice-T album even cooler?
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 25 2021
My girlfriend said :- You got vasectomy without even telling me . Are you serious ?
I said :- I am not kidding you
π︎ 135
π
︎ Apr 03 2021
Always be aware of your surroundings. Even on your midnight toilet trips.
π︎ 153
π
︎ Mar 19 2021
Even crime has time for puns (credit to the author, extrafabulouscomics)
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
Digging holes is not fun, but making them even bigger is even worse.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Apr 09 2021
I canβt even anymore
π︎ 680
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
Even though the art thief and the photographer were friends,
Neither had ever taken the otherβs picture.
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 13 2021
This wasnβt even a hard one. Not to stroke my own ego or anything.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
If you have two heads, that's both an odd and even number
π︎ 10
π
︎ Mar 17 2021
Even though I've never met you, I know how to spell your name. Do you want to know how?
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 14 2021
My friend asked me, "what's even good about math?"
Well, addition is a big plus
(Credit to my 9 year old sister)
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 01 2021
Today I discovered that even detectives have constipation...
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 24 2021
Just found out im still a part of the catholic church even though ive been an atheist for years...
...guess you could call me a serial sinner
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
From my 5-year-old son: "Hey"
True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."
I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"
He responds, "it's dead grass."
I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"
.
.
.
He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ May 10 2021
My wife laughed, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math!" I shrugged and said, "You never know! Anybody can win the lottery." Folding her arms, she asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?" I shot back, "Yes!! 100%!!"
π︎ 12
π
︎ Apr 01 2021
A pyromaniac from my hometown accidentally killed himself in a fire, but nobody even showed up to identify the body.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
You are a graduate of accounting and can't even tell when your SO is losing interest... smh
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
Even took me a while ngl..
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
What do you call a friend who will even go for a walk with you in the rain to listen to your worries?
A rainbro
(Recommended soundtrack for this joke: Bob Marley: Sun is shining. Youβll see why)
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 13 2021
I ordered pulled pork in a restaurant this evening.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 04 2021
My son's not even one yet, and he's Walken already.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Feb 05 2021
I've been wearing this mask for so long, I wasn't sure I'd even be able to get rid of it.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 25 2021
I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years, βWill you still love me when Iβm old, fat, and balding?β She smiled and answered...
π︎ 24
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
Is infinity odd or even?
Oddly enough, it's even. But even so, it's still an odd concept.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Feb 09 2021
I donβt even know
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
an American IT specialist was beaten even though he had a gun with him
π︎ 60
π
︎ Feb 09 2021
I would cheat the Golden Globes. Hell, I would even manipulate the Academy Awards. But I would NEVER
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
Even the trees talk
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 12 2021
So I brought my girlfriend home to meet my parents. She looks like my mum, sounds like my mum, even dresses like my mum..
π︎ 14
π
︎ Mar 16 2021
Downloaded film Titanic for the family to watch this evening. Annoyingly Video and Sound has come across in separate files.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
I knew what apple juice tasted like before I even tried it.
I had in-cider information.
π︎ 39
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
Did you know Hannibal Lecter has a brother whoβs even more evil and sadistic?
His name is Bilka... Bilka Lecter.
π︎ 59
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..
..they make me feel even number.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Apr 14 2021
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