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Dieter is 77 and could have a lovely decade or more if he'd man up and bailout of the lead zeppelin before it Hindenburg's just like Joseph Smith, Carthaged himself.
Does anyone know Dieter's children, Antje Uchtdorf Evans and Guido Uchtdorf? Maybe they did not drink the Kool-aid and could talk some sense into Dieter?
If Dieter resigned, Nelson would never call another non-Morridor apostle. The Q-15 would never trust another outsider again, especially a non-white.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
"Advocates of Man Amplification Programs like never consider what will be done with the subjects after the war. If they do, like, it's always something monstrous." - SSG Norville Rogers, DOG-2.0 Handler, SOG Team 19, Burgerland Senate Committee on Amplification, Resource Conflict Era, Pre-Glassing
The lemur held up its hand, opening and closing its fingers. Natraya could see that one of the protruding knuckles was purple and slightly swollen but still pushed back further than it had been. The skin on top of the knuckle was torn slightly and blood had oozed out before hardening.
"Damn, popped a knuckle," the lemur said. It slowly straightened the finger and then pulled on it, pulling the injured hand the other way. There was a crunching sound and the lemur gave a grimacing smile, then held up the hand, wiggling the fingers. It didn't move much.
"Yup, popped the knuckle. No damage to the metacarpal, I don't think," the lemur said. It slowly made a fist and Natraya could see that the middle knuckle was at the same extension as the ones on either side of it, where before it had protruded slightly out.
"Will you be able to continue the battle?" On'trak asked, cocking his head and looking at the damaged hand.
"Sure, it's just a popped knuckle. Been hurt worse," the lemur grinned.
Natraya nodded.
The lemur looked around. "OK, there's that feeling again," it said. It looked at one of the doors. "It coming from that direction and down, I'm not sure what it is."
"Could it be a trap?" Natraya asked.
"Good instincts," the lemur said. "Always assume the appearance of something you want to be a trap set by the enemy if you are in enemy territory."
On'trak nodded.
The lemur sighed. "I love this body, but without my harness and implants, I'm really stressing it," the was a growling, squealing rumble from the lemur's midsection. "And I'm starting to get hungry."
The lemur closed its eyes and swung its arms back and forth, the motion never having the hands go higher than the waist, and it kept lifting up on its tiptoes and dropping back on its heels.
Natraya had noticed that the lemur seemed to have trouble staying still, that it needed to be in constant movement.
... keep reading on reddit ➡"You would think I'd set the planet on fire with the way everyone jumped ship out of their council positions," Dreams muttered, staring at the Council's deliberation chamber where it was projected by the holotank. "Look at that. Twelve thousand seats, and all that is going on are four groups of Lanaktallan playing video games by using their high speed ansible links," she grumped, pointing at first one group of a dozen and then another group of four.
"They're playing a 4X galactic domination game with sixty-eight still active players after starting with four hundred," Speaks smiled, pointing at the first group. "Those ones are robbing a bank in a co-op crime simulator," he said, pointing at the second group, "Those are replaying the Black Horizon Campaign of the Clownface Nebula Conflict," pointing at the third group. He pointed at the fourth group that was pantomiming playing musical instruments. "Those six have formed a band and are touring dive bars on Mars."
Dreams sighed and petted Mr. Rings, who was busy peeling apart a puzzle treat by twisting the shell three times until it clicked and removing the third shell layer.
"Has this ever happened before?" she asked.
Speaks nodded. "A few times. Very few. Diamond Dan the Man, ruler of The Ice Bound Fjords on Terra, when he was impeached, gave a speech that ended with 'so long, suckers!' right before he used a jetpack to fly off through the stained glass ceiling and escape in a hovercraft flying a banner that read "U SUK!"."
Speaks snickered.
"He was never seen again, robbed the treasury of hundreds of trillions of Icegeld, stole nearly a half ton of gold, had trillions of dollars in bearer bonds in his pockets, stole copyrights and trademarks and put them in his name, and moved thousands of patents to his name. Rumor says he's still out there somewhere, on a gold throne, eagerly awaiting any contested election in the Ice Bound FJords. He's considered a IBF folk hero," Speaks said.
"Gee, thanks for that," Dreams said. She looked at the four Lanaktallan, who looked completely ridiculous pantomiming stuffing stuff in bags, shooting weapons, or dragging something away. "They don't even care that
... keep reading on reddit ➡Buenosdillas
They’re on standbi
Natraya accepted the outstretched hand, startled at the restrained strength she could feel in the heavy fingers and the musculature that pulled her easily to her feet. She looked up at the lemur, able to feel how massive, how dense, how... solid it was with more than just her eyes and the lingering phantom sensation of her hand in its hand.
"OK, sister, first thing's first, you have any combat training?" the lemur asked.
Natraya shook her head. "No. I was a lady in waiting to a Lady Most High," she said softly.
The lemur nodded. "All right. That's fine," it said. It frowned. "Do you usually go clothed or is your fur enough for you, like some Pubvian nudist or a puffie?"
Natraya shook her head. "The creatures, they ripped my clothing from me," she said softly, hugging her self.
"Huh," the lemur said. It reached down, grabbed the sleeve of one of the Dwellers, and yanked up, dumping the naked body on the floor and lifting up the robe. "Too big," it said. It eyed Natraya in such a way that she instinctively covered her privates and her mammaries. The lemur gave a chuckle before it lifted up the robe, bit part of it, then ripped it in half. Fat purple sparks jumped free from the cloth, dissolving in midair in sparkles.
"Ew, tastes like tinfoil on the back fillings," the lemur said. It held out the robe. "Here, sister, try this."
"Why do you call me your female sibling?" Natraya asked, taking the robe and putting it on. The sleeves were too long and the lemur came back with one of the bladearms of a servitor and sawed off the excess.
"We're in this together, sister," the lemur said. "I don't know your name."
"Natraya," she said. "Lady in waiting to Lady Most High A'ama'arya."
"Huh. Weird name. Your lady's name sounds like a Tee-bug's name," the lemur said. "Are we doing name and titles?"
Natraya nodded. "Please. It will help me understand you."
The lemur laughed. "All right, sister, I'm Staff Sergeant Eric Carter, Earth Defense Force, Third Republic Combined Military Forces Army, eleven bravo, 19th Infantry Battalion, 8th Infantry Division, part of the orbital insertion forces from the Defiance of Sol."
"I have heard of 8th Infantry Division during
... keep reading on reddit ➡
Pilot on me!!
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
“Asshole. When do I get my phone call?” Belligerent, petulant. I was in rare form.
“This ain’t a movie, boss.” The cop was out of patience. I had thrown up in his cruiser. “If you don’t relax your hand, I can’t roll your prints.”
“Phone call, now. Or else,” I threatened.
“Or else what? You’ll call your lawyer? You’ve been saying that since I yanked you out of that vehicle. Tell you what, I’ll call him for you. What’s his name?”
Busted. Guys like me don’t have attorneys. Guys like me get public defenders. We meet them the same day they tell us what our plea deal will be. Guilty now or guilty later, it’s a question of how much you get penalized for wasting the court’s time.
“I don’t consent to this arrest,” I said. What does that even mean? “I gotta piss.” Apparently, I was at the phase of intoxication where Professor Bill had left the building. His replacement for the remainder of the semi-conscious evening would be Angry Bill. The professor occasionally embarrassed the conglomerate. Angry Bill always did. Things could get decidedly worse.
The cop rubbed his forehead. “Let’s make a deal. You agree to relax your hand so I can finish rolling you, and I agree to let you use the toilet before I put the handcuffs back on.”
I relaxed, he rolled, then mugshots. Sometimes you’ll see a progression of arrest photographs. The person in them always looks worse over time. Not just because they’re getting older, but because they keep getting arrested. They keep fucking up. Compounding interest. After three or four arrests, good jobs are no longer on the table. After three or four convictions, good jobs are no longer in the room. Eventually, there are no jobs, just a series of prison sentences punctuated by brief stints topside for air. I still had a job, or so I hoped. Maybe, if they didn’t tow the company truck, Jimmer would never know about this little incident.
“Restroom is behind you. Wash your hands first,” the cop said. Preachy. No, sanctimonious. Maybe the professor would make an encore appearance.
I looked down mid-stream. I ignored the advice, earning a cock splotchy with fingerprint ink. My jeans got a little splashback from being danger close. Puke on the polo, piss on the pants, ink on the dink. Just needed to trust a fart for the whole enchilada.
The cop cuffed me again, this time gently. He walked me back to the holding cell and dropped me off with some parting words. “Listen,” he said while removing the
... keep reading on reddit ➡
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
When I got home, they were still there.
