Did you know that Dogs, regardless of breed, cannot operate complex medical equipment?
Where does Harry Potter keep his Gym equipment?
Behind the Dumb-Bell door..
My eldest wanted to know why I wouldn't lend him any of my tools, but I let his younger brother, the prodigal son, borrow whatever equipment he wants.
Simple, I said, the prodigal son returns...
The other day I had to climb up some equipment at a cheese making factory.
I thought that it was strong enough to clamber up, but it ended up giving whey.
My obese friend in the UK just order a bunch of workout equipment.
He already feels hundreds of pounds lighter.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Went to the store yesterday and bought a single cherry and some microphone equipment
Bought-a-Bing, Bought-a-boom
What is a half-life fan's favorite piece of farm equipment?
I used to be a magician, but there was an explosion in my equipment
My audience was blown away
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
Where do serial killers get their equipment?
The US Navy will start to equip all their subs with emotional support dogs. After a lot study, they decided on Dachshunds...
...they will be subma-weiners.
Testing talent show equipment
A good realtor is always equipped with a video camera.
It's how they get the square footage.
Where do folks from Bilbao, Spain buy outdoor equipment?
What kind of equipment do you need to study birds?
What do you call scientific equipment that went to college?
Drunk driver overturned his van on road carrying snooker equipment.
Police says he is under a-rest and there is cues a mile long.
I was asked to scale a fish
sadly I didn't have any climbing equipment
Sitting in the ER with my son last night, he got me with this one. I was trying to lift his spirits and was pointing out all the crazy equipment they have in the room. I said "Oh look. They have tongue depressers." He says "Those won't work on me." I asked why and he says...
"I'm on antidepressants."
He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.
Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.
Where does sporting equipment go when it dies?
What do you say when you see / had seen a pirate version of saw holding a frozen buzzsaw on a piece of playground equipment?
I see/saw sea saw on a seesaw, with an icy saw
I tried out some riot control equipment today...
Ladies, if your boyfriend asks for matador equipment for christmas...
What do you call a alligator equipped with gps?
A jazz guitarist couldn’t play a gig at a venue that had only six electrical receptacles.
His equipment required a seventh cord.
What sort of stereo equipment does Black Panther use?
I had a job making Heavy Equipment for Road Building...
but I got laid off. They said the market for Steamrollers was flattening.
My girlfriend was infatuated with roofing equipment so I gave her an ultimatum: it's either me or the equipment.
What exercise equipment does a koala use?
I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.
I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.
What do you have to do to become a member of the Golf Equipment Repair Association?
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
I visited a tennis equipment factory. The noise there was unbearable
They make a racket.
(Please no hate. Tennis jokes need love)
Did you hear about the surveyor that lost his equipment?
Now he just walks around aimlessly.
I’m really proud of my friend’s collection of acting equipment.
I was struggling to find a sale on boating equipment. Eventually I did find one.
This car comes fully equipped with two subwoofers.
What equipment did the Pink Panther need to run all of his guitars?
Ten amps. Ten amps. Ten amps, ten amps, ten amps, ten amps, ten aaammmps.
To the bastard who stole my limbo dancing equipment...
If you’re trying to get a woman to notice you, then don’t buy any farming equipment.
It won’t be enough to a tractor attention.
Did you hear about the girl named after table tennis equipment?
My wife asked me to throw away all the broken electrical equipment
A guy signs up for the army and goes to get his equipment after he’s been processed.
When he gets to the place where he’s supposed to pick up his rifle the man tells him that he just ran out. “If you need to shoot just say ‘BANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!'” he says. Bummed out and little confused, the guy moves on to the next area where he’s supposed to pick up the bayonet. But the next man is out too. “If you need to stab someone just go, ‘STICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!'” he says. Dejected and wondering what the heck he signed up for, the guy jumps into the next truck on its way to the front where there’s a battle raging on.
Side by side with the rest of the soldiers in his unit, the guy advances on the enemy position. As soon as he sees the enemy, he shouts, “BANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!!” Amazingly, the enemy soldier drops to the ground. Encouraged by his success he charges the next two enemy soldiers and goes, “STICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!” They both immediately collapse in front of him. This is incredible, he thinks, I’ve become unstoppable.
So when he sees his next foe way off in the distance, he shouts, “BANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!” at him. He waits for him to fall, but nothing happens. The guy charges his unfazed adversary next and goes “STICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!” Again he thinks the man will fall and again nothing happens. “Why wont you drop?” the guy says. The enemy soldier knocks him down and responds, “TANKITY TANK TANKITY TANK!”
Where did they keep the gym equipment at Hogwarts?
Behind the dumbbell door.
I’m really proud of my friend’s collection of Hollywood acting equipments.
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