A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three.

Uno, dos... poof. He disappeared without a tres.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YeetusAFeetus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
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Old joke, my daughter loved it.

A trio of explorers were hiking through the Congo and found a small village that was very isolated and not on any map. The villagers turned out to speak English very well, and informed the adventurers very politely that theirs was a village of cannibals and they were to be cooked and eaten, and their hides tanned and turned into canoes for the villagers, but they would allow them to take their own life however they saw fit.

The first man asks for a sharp knife, slices his wrists open, and mutters "Lay me down and bleed a while, and ne'er up again."

The second man asks for his revolver, says "For God and Country!" and shoots himself in the head.

The last man asks for a fork, and stabs himself repeatedly screaming "Fuck your canoe!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimvoluntaryist
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2013
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What do you call a smaller version of a British mother?

A minimum.

*Applies to Aus, NZ, and Canada too. Basically if you're not from the US and live in an English speaking country.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2014
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