"Egg-plant" shirt by me. Never got why the vegetable was called that until I found out that they used to be white and look like goose eggs back in the day
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stephaniehuang66
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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Egg: If you take me seriously, you'll leave my shell intact and not remove my whites. Me: *Breaks Egg and removes whites*

Egg: Am I a yolk to you?

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goddred
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Did you hear the one about egg whites?

Never mind, you wouldn't get the yolk.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgold0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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No yolk, I can make the best egg white omelette.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sheineken
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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What do call something that is average at making egg whites?

A medi-yolker

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeCrowing
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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Dad says egg whites are no yolk.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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Daughter said she doesn't find her dad funny, so he told her to go to the store and buy eggs with no whites...

So she can get her dad's yolks.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kalenrb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
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When food shopping, my wife always makes me pay for the egg whites...

...but the yolk's on her.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kielm
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2017
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Q: What did the egg whites say to the beef stock?

A: You and I should get together and consommΓ© our relationship.

Footnote: If you're not a cook, this joke might require some clarification.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leafyleafygreens
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2014
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So my wife was baking some cakes and almost forgot to add the egg whites.

Wife: Wow, thank god i noticed before I put it in the oven.

Me: Yeah, thats no yolk

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2013
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Sandwich shop employee asked what kind of egg I want (without specifying white or with yolk)

"Chicken, please"

My family had to respond to her confused look, assuring her I was pulling her leg.

Note: not a dad yet, but I'm training to be one.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnFoxpoint
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2014
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My sister: "What's the difference between white eggs and brown eggs?"

My dad: "Colour."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_22766
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Who was Snow White's brother?

Egg White.

Get the yolk?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/you_buy_this_shit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
The Book

My Dad was the worst. And by that, I mean the best. He had a Dad Joke for everything.

I accidently left my wallet in my pants and they went through the wash?

"Don't you know it's illegal to launder money?" He would crack.

We would drive by the cemetery and he would always remark.

"That place is so popular, people are dying to get in"

Many groans were had.

I would ask him, "Dad, where do you get all these awful jokes?" and he looked square in the eye and said.

"Son, on the day you were born - your Grandfather - my father gave me a book. '1001 Dad Jokes' and that where I get them from"

And life continued. Any opportunity to crack wise he would take it. Even when I moved out and got my own place it didn't stop. I had my Dad over to help me repaint the walls from cream to white.

"Boy" He whistled. "This wall sure pales in comparison to that one"

My eyes rolled and he just shrugged. "It's the book!"

He couldn't even help himself at my wedding and broke out a Dad Joke during the toast.

"If this is the toast, where are the eggs?"

"Sorry son, it's the book!" He said with a devilish grin.

So months pass and my wife is in labor at the hospital with our first child. I'm sitting in the waiting room with my dad for support. Suddenly, a nurse comes out beaming with glee.

"Congratulations, sir! It's a girl!"

Me and my dad jump up and whoop for joy, hugging. I can't wait to go in and see my wife and child.

"Wait son" My dad says and pulls a little book out of his jacket pocket. "This is for you"

I look at the little book and sure enough, it's "1001 Dad Jokes"

I tear up instantly.

"I...I.." I stammer.."I'm touched.."

My dad gets the world's biggest shit-eating grin on his face.

"Hi touched...." He pauses for effect.

"I'm Dad"

πŸ‘︎ 185
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πŸ‘€︎ u/extraflux
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
🚨︎ report
If humpty dumpty dies north of the wall

Will he become an egg white walker?

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scamperly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Punny names of Dark Souls 3 bosses.

For reference: Link to wiki

Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:

  • Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."

  • Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."

  • Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".

  • Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."

  • A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".

  • Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."

  • A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."

  • A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."

  • A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."

  • Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."

  • A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".

  • In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".

  • Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"

  • Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."

  • The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"

  • An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"

  • An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"

  • Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"

  • A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"

Sorry about the possible typos.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dralnu22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
🚨︎ report
Thought I was immune to dad jokes for a while there, until my dad dropped this one this Easter.

Each member in our family split up the amount of eggs so that we'd get 6 to dye each, two dozen. At the end of the dying session, my sister looks over at my dad's 6 eggs and we see he's got one white egg left. My sister wants an extra egg if he's not going to use it and asks if she can dye the egg. He looks at her like she's lost her mind and said he dyed all of his eggs, there isn't one left. This banter goes on for about 5 or 6 minutes with all of us insisting he has a leftover egg to dye. Finally, he looks down and says "oh do you mean this one?" Pointing to the white egg. We all let out an exasperated "YES!" He turns to is all, with the big old dad smirk on his face and says, oh no that one's done, I put that one in the white dye. groans all around.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ujelly_fish
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2014
🚨︎ report
Q: What's the past tense of "break"?

A: Broke

Q: What do people do with cigars and cigarettes?

A: Smoke

Q: What do you call a funny story that's supposed to make someone laugh?

A: Joke

Q: What's the most popular brand of cola in the world?

A: Coke

Q: What do you call the white of an egg?

A: Yolk.

No, it's the albumen.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eldormilon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2013
🚨︎ report
Our teppan chef pulled this one on us.

While starting on the eggs for the fried rice, he separated the yolk from the whites and started bouncing it on his spatula. He turned to a guy at the table and said "Ready?" as though he was going to toss it to him for a catch, then once we'd all made adequately horrified faces, he replies "I'm just yolking!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2014
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad's joke last night.

Dad: "hey, spell joke."

Me: "J. O. K. E."

Dad: "what's the white part of the egg?"

Me: "... The white."

Dad: " well, that's what people call it, but it's actually the albumen."

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mewurby
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Not knowing much about eggs....

Text to dad: Dad, how do I get an egg white?

Reply: Make sure both of its parents are caucasian.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/asr0502
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2014
🚨︎ report

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