...but the yolk's on her.
"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"
He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It must be the Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite.
At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"
He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food.
Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."
"Well," she says: ""Can you now stop and get off me? I'm bloody starving!!".
Food truck with eggs being the theme in every dish.
"The Poach Coach"
Popular dishes:
- Eggs Been a Dick (2 poached eggs and 1 average but adequate size sausage)
- Omelette that one slide (you're choice of filling, but don't fucking test me)
- The Dwight Yolk Em' (served in a plastic cowboy hat to go. Must eat while walking the streets of Bakersfield) 4.The Mr. Burns Eggcellent Scramble (smithered with cheese)
- The Quiche a Grey (oralgasmic quiche with a money shot of sausage gravy)
- The John Denver Omelette (full of all kinds of shit)
- Jesus'ed egg (basically a deviled egg only more judgmental and boiled in holy water)
Probably angel food cake.
No deviled eggs.
Miracle whip on all his sandwiches.
Thomas's English muffins? Doubt it.
Hearts of palm on ice cream (a palm sundae).
Keep it going!
Lol, on last year's Valentine's day my best friend had got mad at me for not asking my crush out.
We'd planned on going to McDonald's together because he didn't have a date either. When I arrived at McDonald's this f*cker was holding a cardboard box with a terrified look and when he saw me he immediately gave me the box and told me he'd already bought the food and that we better take the bus to my place. I just thought he probably was joking or something because the box didn't even have any kind of decoration, it even had a chips brand printed on it, but as we got to the bus and sat I felt something moving inside, I thought maybe it was a puppy or something, but why did he look scared of it?
So, we get to my house, I go to my backyard, where my then 7yo beagle was and I open the box. I could only see a black blur flying out of it and then heard my best friend scream. It was a rooster. He's terrified of birds. And weirdest of all it was a fully grown rooster but he was super tiny, like 10 inches tall tiny.
I asked him wtf was going on and he just kinda hid behind the backyard door and said "I bought it so that you could get some cock tonight". I always make puns and he hates them, I was speechless. So long story short I now own 6 chickens and 4 roosters (my mom got super mad at him for buying the rooster, but then she got super attached and bought him a chicken, when she laid eggs she let them hatch, the rooster's name is Enrique btw, my mom even made him a birthday party and all last week, lol)
Driving to the store with my wife, we had this conversation.
Her: "We just have to get milk, eggs, and some other staple foods."
Me: "Maybe that's why your stomach is always hurting..."
Her: "What do you mean?"
Me: "Because you eat staples!"
Her: "Yeah, gotta keep my shit together somehow."
I was making food, beating an egg with a fork and the missus said
"Add salt in the egg"
So I replied
"I'm already assaulting the egg"
My wife let out an audible groan and left me chuckling in the kitchen.
Hey guys my friend is opening up a new bar and is looking for some food name puns. We were looking for some help from Reddit. Here are some of the names we have so far
- Happy Grillmore
- Spaghetti Murphy
- Lasagnye West
- Forrest Rump
- Egg Sheeran
- David Jafflehoff
- The Lamb Shank Redemption
- Beef Me Up Scotty
- HeisenBurger
Anymore suggestions will be appreciated
A man's having breakfast in a diner, but has no idea what to order. He asks the waitress for a recommendation, who suggests the Eggs Benedict.
When the meal comes out it's served to him on a metal plate, which seems a little odd, but he shrugs and eats it.
The food was amazing, but he's still confused about the way it was served, so he gets the waitress's attention.
"The food was great and all, but what's with the plate?" he asks.
"Don't you know? There's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise!"
I'm a part time clerk/grunt worker at my local supermarket. My shift consists of stacking up milk, butter, eggs, cream, anything that comes from an udder. So, to make my existence seem less monotonous, I'll often badger my coworkers with horrid puns. One day,one of them offered me these kind words of encouragement: "If you don't shut up, I'll shove my foot down your throat." My rebuttal: "Is that what people call sole food?"
I was washing dishes with my dad, and had cleaned ~4 plates caked with egg residue on them. "How long have these been dirty?" I asked. A few minutes later I was washin a baking pan and it was impossible to get the leftover food off of it. Aggravated, I exclaimed "What did you make on here, eggs too?!"
My dad said "No, those are still from eggs one."
Dad: "The only Chinese food I don't like eating as leftovers is Egg Foo Yung."
Me: "Why's that?"
Dad: "Because then it's Egg Foo Old."
Me: http://imgur.com/snImm6i
