Drunk Driving Puns

Thanks God for that I thought the steering had gone...

It would just be a fadd.

She said "He took my breath away"

Bud-wei-ser?

But a Tiger Wood

It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.

A kid and his dad are driving down the highway. The kid asks,"what does it mean to drive drunk?"

Then the dad says,"Well, you see those 4 cars? If I was driving drunk, then I'd see eight."

"But there's only two!"

he later leaves the bar, because he realizes that his alcohol dependence is driving a wedge between him and his family. After a while he returns to the bar, because he was so drunk that he forgot his wallet their. He then drives home, crashes into his own front lawn, knocks on the door, to find his wife standing their with a bread roller in hand. She asks him, "are you drunk you swine?!" he replies, "no ma'am, I just forgot my wallet at the bar, so I had to swing back and get it....because I was their getting drunk, I'm sorry for lying to you officer..." his wife then leaves him and goes to the same bar to get drunk.... his entire family consists of alcoholics...

In my business law class we were discussing this court case. In the case, a woman named Courtney was hitting off the tee box at a country club and sliced the shot off the course. The ball hit a guy who was working on a nearby roof, and gave him permanent brain damage. Our professor then asked us who we thought was responsible for the damages: the golf course, the course designer, or the woman. A student in the back asks "Well what if Courtney was drunk while she was playing" to which our professor responded

"Well then we would just have a classic case of drinking... and driving."

I'm still not sure which was louder, my friend and I bursting out laughing or the collective groan that filled the room.

After a barbeque we're in the car, my dad, my mother and I. My dad is very drunk and annoying my mother, who's driving. My mother: Martin, shut up, you're getting on my tits now. Dad: Maybe I wanna get on your tits.

Q:"How do you like my drunk pork recipe?" Dad:"It's great, but I wouldn't drive home with it"