Towels
Gaiters.
They’re totally flaky.
Then they deported me
Everything happens for a raisin.
It's all about raisin awareness.
The guy says "no, just the one"
But it is a bit boring and takes too long to tell.
" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.
It's all about raisin awareness
They are my raisin d'etre...
"Moss Cow."
On a cliffhanger!
He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”
At that moment I knew she was good at raisin children.
You Moist-ur-ize
They were the first to go online.
Bubble 07
While the vest was waiting to be cleaned it had a chat with 2 other vests around it It said “ My owner stained me and I’m scared it won’t get off
One said “It’s going to be okay no need to worry”
The other one said “ Yeah it happens to the vest of us”
It’s very jerky.
There aren't any good candied-dates.
It said "tear to open"
I’m raisin awareness
In the bath.
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
A knight towel
It's a re-curry-ing nightmare.
Because the other side has all the moonshine
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
Edit: My first ever attempt at a dad joke, and i never thought i would get anywhere this much upvotes. Thank y'all so much!
Towels
Towels
It’s all about raisin awareness.
It’s remarkable.
