It was the hardest dump I ever took
I also told him "now you'll be able to put your nose up at someone and give them the cold shoulder at the same time"
He thought I was "very punny"
Onions was a good dog
They don’t want to smear Themyscira
He said it was because I committed a moving violation.
After all these years, he still doesn't know my name is Dave...
...not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
Because his father was a wafer so long!
He was standing next to the elephant enclosure sobbing his heart out. 'What's wrong?' I asked. 'Trunky has just died," wept the zookeeper 'Aaw, and you really loved him?' I asked. 'No, but I have to bury him,' replied the zookeeper.
She had lost $200, so I gave her $40 from the $200 I just found. When god blesses you, you must bless others.
Taken from dad jokes
Baby blue
(Anna, age 10, after I told her "What's blue and not very heavy?" "Light blue")
Opinions
They are all so moving.
Teargas
Second tears.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
Even the cake was in tiers.
Blubber, blubber, blubber, blubber!
He prescribed me some anti-BackTearyEel lotion to take care of it.
Oh, for tuna.
He's a softy
While this is minor, doctors haven't seen this side effect with the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.
This is thanks to their no tears formula.
They rocket.
However the first person who tried it is still crying endless tiers!
I replied, “I'm on the toilet, please advise…”
He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:
-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!
Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.
-Ok, so... your current name is.. ·chuckles· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...
-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.
After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.
-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?
-Charles Fart.
Midlife crisis
Whine o' clock
But they do let out a little “wine”!
“Are you having a crisis ?”
He asked what was wrong and they told him that his wife had died and that they were preparing to bury her.
The man replied: "that's grave news!"
So I threw a pumpkin at her
Opinions.
Onions was such a good dog
Cop: it’s a .....moving violation.
