My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took
A policeman pulled me over the other day and started crying as he was writing me a traffic ticket. I asked him why was he crying?
He said it was because I committed a moving violation.
What starts with an “O” and ends with “nions” and sometimes make you cry?
Do you know what it sounds like when a whale cries?
Blubber, blubber, blubber, blubber!
Honey, why were you crying during sex?
I was having a nightmare.
Why did the guy with erectile dysfunction always cry in the movies
I went to a wedding that was so moving everyone was crying.
Even the cake was in tiers.
Studies show that the Moderna and Pfizer vaccines are causing people to cry
While this is minor, doctors haven't seen this side effect with the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.
This is thanks to their no tears formula.
What do you call a gun that cries?
what ya gonna cry or somthin?
How does an astronaut quiet a crying baby?
Good news! I made a potion that makes you cry cakes!
However the first person who tried it is still crying endless tiers!
How do you make Lady Gaga cry?
A man came back to his home one day to find his relatives crying near the house
He asked what was wrong and they told him that his wife had died and that they were preparing to bury her.
The man replied: "that's grave news!"
Why was the 2 yr old unvaccinated child crying?
My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, “If you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
I replied, “I'm on the toilet, please advise…”
Grape’s don’t cry when they get crushed...
But they do let out a little “wine”!
My mom cried while cutting onions
Onions was such a good dog
What is a child most likely going to cry?
*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...
He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:
-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!
Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.
-Ok, so... your current name is.. ·chuckles· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...
-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.
After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.
-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?
-Charles Fart.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What day of the week cries the most?
Ever wondered what to say to your sister when she’s crying ?
“Are you having a crisis ?”
My son was crying because his mom took his Xbox...
... so I had to console him.
My son and daughter cried when I chopped onions
I took my son to see Santa today, but as soon as he sat on his knee he started crying. "What's wrong?" I asked.
"It's this job! I hate it!"
The best thing to do with a crying baby is throw them in the air.
Because what goes up must calm down.
Why does a bride always cry at her wedding?
Cus she never marries the best man
I once sat next to a baby on a 10 hour flight. I had no idea that it was possible for someone to cry for 10 hours straight.
Even the baby was impressed.
What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
My son told me that when it rains it means God is crying.
I agreed with him and told him it was probably because of something he did.
Where do poor meatballs live ?
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.
As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"
My 4 year old daughter came crying that she couldn't find her Barbie dolls. Apparently, my 2 year old son threw them in fire last night for fun.
*Cries in valentine's day*
My son cried when he lost his first girlfriend. I told him don't worry its not the end of the world
What starts with 'O' and ends with 'nions' and sometimes make you cry?
“Officer, are you crying while writing me a ticket?”
Cop: it’s a .....moving violation.
Me: Officer, why are you crying while writing me a ticket?
Cop: It’s such a moving violation.
“Officer, are you crying while you are writing me a ticket?”
Cop: It’s a...moving violation.
“Officer, are you crying while writing me a ticket?”
Cop: Yes. It’s quite a moving violation.
Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because it's parents were in a jam
What starts with “o” and ends with “nions” and sometimes make you cry?
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