What does Dr Pepper have a doctorate in?
Did you hear about the vampire with a doctorate
Why does it take so long to get a doctorate?
well, says right there you ate a whole doctor. That's not a one day event.
Did you hear about the guy who got his doctorate in neutral solutions?
He graduated with his Ph7.
I'm so happy to see that Mr. Notes finally got his doctorate.
Doctorates in Chemistry lead to higher correlation with dad jokes.
My 2 year old son implored my father in law to join him under the table while the rest of us finished our meal. My wife said, "wow, it isn't every day you see a chemistry PhD crawling around under the table."
To which he responded "chemists have been known to periodically go under the table".
her name is Carly and shes a doctor (pun idea)
man I should C A Rly good doctor
My doctor told me I'm going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear.
I went in for a Covid test and my doctor asked if I had a sudden loss of taste
"No, I always dress like this", I replied.
Doctor to patient do you smoke?
Patient: yes.
Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
My doctor says that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go.
What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??
An Optical Aleutian
I’ll see myself out...
A man walks into his doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, I think I’m addicted to Twitter.”
The doctor looks at him and says, “Sorry, I don’t follow you."
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex
But my wife insists it's for Dyslexia
Why did doctors name them hemorrhoids?
My uncle died last week because the doctors couldn't figure out his blood type.
At least my uncle was being supportive as he kept on yelling, "Be positive!"
Doctor: “How is the boy who swallowed the quarter?”
What do you call an Egyptian doctor?
Why did the chimney go to the doctor?
A man walks into the doctor's office
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's.. erm .. well ... I have five penises." replies the man.
"Ah ok. How do your trousers fit?" asks the doc.
"Like a glove."
Doctor: "Alcoholism is a disease. "
Bartender: "Get your shots here !!"
Wife took a picture of Doctor Hoo
Doctor: “Sir, I have some bad news, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards”
The nurse tells the doctor: "There's an invisible man in the waiting room."
The doctor replies: "Tell him I can't see him now."
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
As a doctor, I never make jokes about an unvaccinated baby.
But let me give it a shot.
Which eye doctor makes you happy?
My doctor just told me that i was color blind
that came completely out of the orange
An Italian man loses his hands from bike accident. What did his parents ask the doctor?
“Will my son able to speak again?”
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...
The first doctor to ever perform a vasectomy ....
.....really got the ball rolling.
A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldn’t! wouldn’t! couldn’t! didn’t! can’t! The doctor says "don't worry."
“Those are just contractions.”
Doctor to the patient:
- Can you hear better with the hearing aid that I recommended?
- Yes, I can. Thank you very much, doctor. I've already re-written my Will 3 times.
Patient: “Doctor! Somethings wrong! I’m shrinking!”
Doctor: “Take it easy, sir. You’ll just have to be a little patient.”
A man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident, the man yelled "DOCTOR! DOCTOR, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"
The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."
Man: "Doctor, Doctor. All my sons want to be valets when they grow up."
Doctor: "WOW, That's the worst case of Parking Son's disease I've ever seen."
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
The earliest memory I have is going to the doctor with my dad to get my eyes checked.
Things before that is a blur.
A guy wakes up in hospital and screams, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs."
Doctor replies, "Of course not, I've cut off your arms."
A local contractor hired a pasta chef to redo the interior of a doctor’s office that studies antibiotics.
The inside looks great! They have a penne ceiling.
A Man rushed into a Doctor's office shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '..
.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.
My doctor told me to walk at least 2 miles a day
It's been a month and I have no idea where I am or how to get home
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.
He told me to quit going to those places.
I just went the doctors, turns out I’m colourblind
The results came completely out of the purple!
I went to University to study to be a doctor.
Unfortunately, I had to drop out. I just didn't have the patients.
Did you hear about the fish who grew up to be a doctor?
After 6 cardiac arrests the doctor convinced me to go for surgery!
I really needed that change of heart!
Doctor you've got you help me, I'm addicted to twitter.
Doctor: I don't follow you.
My doctor said that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go....
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at work.
So, I have an uncle, once removed.
"Doctor, I'm shrinking."
"Well, you just have to be a little patient."
Patient: doctor, I've gone blind
Doctor: I see
Patient: I don't
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