My wife asked for a divorce today, saying I was too un-American.
I saw it coming from a kilometer away.
My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...
My birtch of a wife just told me she wants a divorce.
She said she’s tired of all of my tree puns.
I don’t think Mary and Joesph ever got a divorce
It was a pretty stable relationship
Why did the Math teacher get a divorce?
He substituted his wife for an ex.
Stevie Wonder's wife just filed for divorce
He didn't see that coming at all
My Karate teacher is getting a divorce.
He is a great Sensei, but he's not very skilled at the marital arts.
Last night I was arguing to my wife about who should keep our children in the divorce and I got angry and threw some trifle at her
She ended up getting custardy
My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce.
I found out she was seeing someone on the side
Mickey mouse failed to divorce with Minnie mouse because the judges said “you can’t just divorce with someone for being stupid” to which Mickey said:
“I didn’t say she was stupid, I said she was fucking Goofy”
What happened after Atoms divorce was finalized?
All he was left with was a mushroom.
My wife said she was gonna divorce me for my bad Arnold impression.
Don’t worry, ”I’ll return”.
What is the number one cause of divorce in America?
Statistically do you know the main reason for divorce?
After getting married, the woman filed for divorce the very next morning...........
Judge: "I don't understand, what happened?"
Woman: "I work in a pharmacy. I met him when he first came there last week and asked to purchase an X-X-X-X-L condom. That's when I thought, for a happy pleasureful life, I should get him to marry me before any other girls find out and lap him up."
Judge: "ok.... then? "
Woman: "I held my excitement all day thru the wedding, waiting for the night..... so at night when I my curiosity couldn't wait any longer........I found out something."
Judge: "what?"
Woman: "the Bastard has speech disorder.... he STAMMERS!!"
I decided to divorce my cross eyed wife
We didn't see eye to eye and I think she was seeing someone on the side.
An egg and some cream have a child, and get a divorce.
Last I heard, they now have split custard-y.
Why did yellow divorce red?
Why did the wife divorce the baker?
Because he was too kneady
Why do tennis players have a high divorce rate?
Love means nothing to them
I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine's Day and she told me she wanted a divorce.
I told her I wasn't planning on spending that much.
The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order.
I said alphabetically or by age
I’m a huge Star Wars fan and my wife wanted a divorce
So I handed her the divorce papers and said “may divorce be with you”
What do you call a divorce but for bananas?
So Mickey, you want to divorce Minnie because she's...really silly?
No. Because's she's fucking Goofy!
Why did the whisky divorce the glass?
Their marriage was on the rocks!
(Thank you u/VadJag for encouraging me to post this again!)
My wife said she'll divorce me if I keep making puns about birds with long necks.
That's swan way to go about it.
Why did the pig want a divorce?
Divorce lawyer: I’m sorry to say, but all of your husband’s assets are Frozen.
Wife: How?
Lawyer: I’m not sure, but he has 2000 DVDs of the movie for some reason.
The wife seemed way too eager to pull the trigger on that divorce...
To which state did my ex-wife move after the divorce?
I don't know.
But if I see her, Alaska!
So my fiance recently divorced from her stay at home ex whose name is Ali. He was making a fuss about not getting his cash settlements from the divorce. I had to calm her down and tell her to
Why did the big cats get divorce?
Because the husband was a cheetah
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
Why did the horses get a divorce?
They didn’t have a stable relationship!
Are slugs just snails that have gone through a divorce?
Why are divorces so expensive?
Because they're worth it.
In the divorce I got the kids, and my wife took all the shoes.
We each got sole custody.
Annoyed my GF so she asked Google how to file for divorce, I though I'd help
imgur.com/J7bhVja
My wife wants a divorce for being too un American
I saw that coming a kilometer away
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