What do you call a diced potato?
Real life dad joke. Yesterday I was cooking a stir fry and added some diced carrots ‘for carrot-ness’, I said.
My daughter who was helping, added some peas, ‘for pea-ness’ she said. Then fled laughing.
[Request] puns about dice (for wedding favours)
Our wedding is next weekend, and we are giving out personalized dice as our favours. We thought "thank you for coming" was a little too bland, and we'd like to spice it up with a dice pun. Any pun suggestions that also tie into the cutesy wedding/romantic setting? So far I've found "we make a great pair" and a lot of puns around the word "dicey", but I'm hoping you fine folks can help us out.
Edit: We are huge gamers which is why we went with the dice. This isn't a Vegas wedding or anything similar, so jackpot related jokes aren't quite what we're looking for. :)
What would happen if a dice would fall off a cliff?
What would you call a pig that obeys the laws of gravity?
Why do dice prefer to be in groups of two?
Because then it's a pair-a-dice
The recipe said to dice the onion
What do you call an anti-semitic person who like dice games?
I accidentally swallowed my dice.
Now I am waiting for craps.
Everyone is going two dice
The plural form of die is dice
"¿Cómo se dice 'nariz' en inglés?"
I was asked to put either an inspirational quote or a joke on the message board at work.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Playing craps with toilet paper dice
I misplaced two dice yesterday
To a gambler, paradise is in a pair of dice
If i buy a German dice game where you have to get five of the same number..
Why did the man eat the dice?
He wanted to get a taste of paradice.
A new strain of lice is going around that is resistant to conventional treatments.
That has left scientists scratching their heads.
If you think pissing on the dice will help you win craps...
Showing my friend a 3-sided dice
Him:"Do you know 300-sided die exists"
'...'
"They are called golf balls"
This is my home. Yes I live in an amish pair of dice.
I lost my kids' college fund playing dice in Vegas.
I admit it was a crappy thing to do.
I threw a couple of dice at my clothes
I was trying to die them.
I’m terrible at rolling dice.
My favorite nautically-themed dice game...
The Grim Reaper appeared in beside me when I was chopping up some carrots in my kitchen.
He took his scythe and started chopping the carrots with me. Very scary when you are dicing with death.
The casino was giving a lucky winner a Toyota.
It's a Corolla of the dice.
I recently misplaced some of my game pieces for Yahtzee, and honestly it’s been hell, so I decided to make some posters to put up around the apartment complex:
So my dad asked "were there dice in the play Alice in Wonderland?"...
...And my mom says "no, there were cards, why?"
To which my dad responds, "oh that's too bad. If they needed an understudy, the director could say 'And tonight, the role of dice will be played by...'"
My mom just gave me the "why did I marry this guy" look. It was a nice moment.
If there's no gambling in heaven...
... why do they call it para-dice?
How did Eddie Money get himself and a friend into the backgammon tournament?
Two tickets, two pair of dice.
I was going to make a fish joke here...
But I don't think it's the right plaice to. I feel like I'll just flounder. I'm a dab hand with bad puns, though I'm probably gonna look like a right bass. I trout this'll be very popular. I mean, sal-mon, it's pretty bad. I think I need to tuna bit of it. I should ask my friend Hali-but she's probably busy. So no dice.
My friend asked if I wanted to play Yahtzee....
What's a gamblers favorite dessert?
Where do gamblers go to when they die?
Why is playing craps better in Hawaii?
Because it's a tropical pair of dice.
I tried opening a casino even though gambling was outlawed
I had a dream last night I was cutting carrots with the grim reaper...
I was dicing with death 💀
I think this place is like two numbered cubes...
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