I was at a hotel and asked the front desk to switch my pillow out with one filled with feathers...
People ask me why the notepad on my desk never moves
I tell them it’s stationary
I've put a wooden desk and a blackboard up in my bedroom.
My cell signal always drops when I work the front desk at work and I can't get calls.
"Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
"I know! And it's not working!"
There are rumors that Tesla is considering on a stretched, three row version of their Model X SUV. The project is on Musk's desk waiting for a decision on whether to go forward.
Their next car is Elon gated.
My friend dumped a five hundred pound load of pig intestines on his boss's desk in protest...
I got an anti-fatigue mat for my desk.
I couldn't stand to work without it.
A German friend of mine actually installed a bath around his desk !?..
My new desk fan loves music.
I told my student to stop denting his pen by hitting his desk with it. “That’s not allowed today,” I said:
“Only on In De Pen Dents Day.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd
Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Because each starts with an e and ends with an e.
During my trip to Madrid I was staying at this small motel when I grew pretty ill. Thankfully the people at the front desk sent the on call doctor over and he was able to fix me up real quick. I told him I didn't expect such a small place to have such a good doctor, to which he told me
Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Physician
[Original] The doctor prescribed a man a standing desk for back pain.
He told the man to stand at least 3 hours a day, which should reduce the symptoms - and to come back in a month. A month passes and the doctor is seeing the man again. He asks if the symptoms have improved. The man says, “No, but I’ve only been standing for one hour a day”. The doctor says he understood.
I made a bicycle by folding up some paper in my desk drawer. It doesn't move though - it's a stationery bike.
My fiance left this on my desk
I hate using a desk & a table at the same time in school.
A worker tells his boss about a great idea. The boss says "let me think about it" then pulls a bad 80's wig from his desk and puts it on. The worker asks "what's that for?"
The boss says "I need to mull-it over..."
I got a little chalkboard for my desk at work
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
My family and I walked into the lobby and as we were checking in, I whispered to the desk clerk, "I hope the porn is disabled."
The guy looked at me in shock and sputtered, "It's just regular porn, you sick perv!"
My friend was talking about how he found a box of shotgun shells in his desk
I asked him if he could hear the ocean in them
I didn't even look up from my desk.
Dropped this on a co-worker just now.
Them: ".. yeah and why do we even have to pay for air at the gas stations, we never used to."
Me: Well it's due to inflation.
I am confident I've seen this joke on reddit before, just happy I was able to execute it as good as possible. I got tingly when the conversation was heading this way and she dropped the perfect setup line. Grateful I've seen it before, pass it on and use it wisely.
My coworker had a pile of timepieces on his desk.
All morning he was tying them together with a piece of string and then wrapping them around his midsection. At noon I figured he could use a break, so I invited him out for lunch, but he said, "No, thanks, I'm watching my waistline."
I've always wondered why so much dandruff falls on my desk...
I still scratch my head over it.
Kermit the frog went to the bank to get a mortgage for a new lilypad. He walked up to the desk of loan officer Patricia Whack and placed a small porcelain statue of an angel on her desk asking if she would take it as collateral. "What is that?" she asked...
It's a knick knack, patty whack. Give a frog a loan?
What do you call a man that works for the police but also sits at a desk?
While checking in at the hotel: desk person asks if we have reservations, Dad says “we did, but we came anyway”
I want that fable on my desk, AESOP!
Checking in at a hotel and the front desk agent tells me they don’t have a bell hop for the night.
I told her they should get the Nobel Prize.
She just stared at me blankly for 8 seconds until she said.... “check out is at 10”
My cat kept jumping on my desk while I was playing a game.
I bought a desk lamp for a dirt cheap price but it broke the day after. Went to the store to complain but I couldn’t get it fixed or refunded.
The store’s manager told me that I bought a one night stand.
If you're cold at your desk...
Does that make you an ice cubicle?
I got a new adjustable standing desk
It’s brought my gaming to new heights
A book fell on me while working at my desk
I've only my shelf to blame
At work, I keep extra cough drops in my desk for anyone that needs it.
I guess I’m the halls monitor.
Someone in my office asked her boss if anyone else usually sits on the same desk
Her boss replied "yeah, we got a bit of a hotdesk arrangement"
I chimed in and said "Well if it's a hotdesk, you could always turn the fan on."
She was not impressed.
Got my desk-mate today...
We moved desks on Monday and today I found a working highlighter which the previous occupant had left under mine. My colleague groaned when I told him it was 'the highlight of my day'.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Help-desk guy speaking to a lady user …
Help-desk : double click on “My Computer”.
Lady : I can’t see your computer..
Help-desk : No .. Click on “My Computer” on your computer.
Lady : How the hell can I click on your computer from my computer ??? !!
Help-desk : There is an icon labelled “My Computer” on your computer .. double click on it.
Lady : What the hell is your computer doing on my computer ?
Every day at work I write something silly on the dry erase paint 'whiteboard' by my desk and this is today's contribution. [x-post from r/funny]
A German man walks up to the immigration desk at Warsaw airport. The immigration officer asks: “Occupation?” The German replies:
One of my coworkers stopped by my desk.
He said, 'The boss wants you.'
I said, 'I'm flattered, but I'm straight.'
I have a spare set of contacts in my office desk drawer
When my boss asked for my emergency contacts, I told him to open my drawer.
I saw a sign in a shop that said: "Information desk". So I walked over to it.
"Dear desk," I said, putting my ear to the wood. "Where can I find your televisions?"
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