A group of vampires overthrew a farm using democratically-elected leaders. Their first course of action was to suck all the chickens dry.
Looks like the Democrats are going for a fruit-based strategy
They're going with either impeachment or impairment.
What did the Democratic House Representative say when asked how they were feeling today?
Looks like the Democrats are now the party of “A. Blinken.”
Whether you are Democrat or Republican, I think we can all agree on one thing.
The election results have been un-presidented.
Why did Democratic senators boycott the nomination of the new Supreme Court justice?
They just couldn’t Barrett.
A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"
"For drinking." replies the cop.
"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"
Why is “beefstew” an unsafe password to use?
Because it’s not Stroganoff.
There's a term for people like Trump
The political climate is so polarizing these days that even Do, Re and Mi decided to form their own independent left leaning musical scale and vote Democratic.
When questioned they just stated they were now Anti Fa.
If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN
I used to only pass gas on Democrats, but now I pass gas on Republicans too.
I guess that makes me bifartisan.
Did you know the film “Speed” had no director?
If it had direction, it would be called “Velocity”.
Trump accused the Democrats of rigging the election and breaking the law.
Joe replied “Never have I ever broken the law, I’ve always been a-Biden”
If there’s a line of gay people, it’s not a straight line...
Dude 1: “Hey bro?” Dude 2: “Yeah bro?” Dude 1: “Can you hand me that pamphlet?”
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.
I've just handed in my too weak notice.
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention..... ill see myself out
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"
The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.
This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by René Descartes.
But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
Why do Libras always vote for Democratic candidates?
My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...
What do snowmen call their offspring?
How does Jesus make his Coffee?
NASCAR bans the confederate flag?
Finally a turn in the right direction.
After a heated argument, my kid shouted “Jim Morrison was overrated”
Me: What did I say about slamming The Doors?
Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars, and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar.
My daughter thinks I don't give her enough privacy.
Atleast that's what she said in her diary.
What kind of pet likes hiking and democratic socialism?
If Joe biden becomes president,
the white house will become forbiden
British people be like I'm bri ish
It's because they drank the t
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.. COMPLETE WASTE OF MONEY!
He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is”
What is the angriest nut?
My wife just accused me of having zero empathy.
I don’t understand how she can feel that way.
How does a democrat apply lotion?
By applying a liberal amount.
Man walks into a bar and orders a Corona and 2 huricanes...
Bartender says, “That will be $20.20.”
I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...
Just in case there's a salad dressing
I was told that my dad was pronounced dead
I can’t believe I’ve been saying it wrong my whole life
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
What did the lesbian pirate say during sex?
How many hands am I holding up?
If you ever accidentally smack your kid in the face and they say ow my eyes is blurry, or if they bump their face etc
Say “ah buddy u ok? Can u see? How many hands am I holding up?
Then proceed to hold up one hand with four fingers.
The kid will most often say 4. Then you make the dad face.
“4 hands!?!? Yah we might have a problem!”
It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck in an accident a few months ago.
But now I can look back and laugh.
What do you call paper you can’t trust?
In light of the recently release video of the democrats vs republicans asking why they are holding off the vote
What did the democrat say to the republican at the dinner?
Will you pass the bill already?!
I considered converting my wardrobe to house my board game collection, but was worried about losing clothing space.
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