Looks like the Democrats are going for a fruit-based strategy
They're going with either impeachment or impairment.
Looks like the Democrats are now the party of “A. Blinken.”
Whether you are Democrat or Republican, I think we can all agree on one thing.
The election results have been un-presidented.
I used to only pass gas on Democrats, but now I pass gas on Republicans too.
I guess that makes me bifartisan.
Trump accused the Democrats of rigging the election and breaking the law.
Joe replied “Never have I ever broken the law, I’ve always been a-Biden”
How does a democrat apply lotion?
By applying a liberal amount.
In light of the recently release video of the democrats vs republicans asking why they are holding off the vote
What did the democrat say to the republican at the dinner?
Will you pass the bill already?!
What do you call a bunch of Democrats in a pit?
If the Democrats really believe global warming is a problem,
then why are they so obsessed with ABOLISHING ICE?
Democrats claiming counterfeit Viagra out of China is a danger to our democracy.
Apparently, they are trying to influence our erections.
I survey election habits of Democrats. My friend surveys election habits of Republicans.
Democrats thought Republicans took the low road, so they took the highway.
Why are Democrats never right?
What musical instruments do Democrats hate the most?
What did the Democratic House Representative say when asked how they were feeling today?
A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"
"For drinking." replies the cop.
"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"
Why did Democratic senators boycott the nomination of the new Supreme Court justice?
They just couldn’t Barrett.
Why is “beefstew” an unsafe password to use?
Because it’s not Stroganoff.
There's a term for people like Trump
The political climate is so polarizing these days that even Do, Re and Mi decided to form their own independent left leaning musical scale and vote Democratic.
When questioned they just stated they were now Anti Fa.
If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN
Did you know the film “Speed” had no director?
If it had direction, it would be called “Velocity”.
If there’s a line of gay people, it’s not a straight line...
Dude 1: “Hey bro?” Dude 2: “Yeah bro?” Dude 1: “Can you hand me that pamphlet?”
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.
I've just handed in my too weak notice.
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention..... ill see myself out
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"
The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.
This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by René Descartes.
But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
Why do Libras always vote for Democratic candidates?
My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...
What do snowmen call their offspring?
How does Jesus make his Coffee?
NASCAR bans the confederate flag?
Finally a turn in the right direction.
After a heated argument, my kid shouted “Jim Morrison was overrated”
Me: What did I say about slamming The Doors?
Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars, and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar.
My daughter thinks I don't give her enough privacy.
Atleast that's what she said in her diary.
If Joe biden becomes president,
the white house will become forbiden
What kind of pet likes hiking and democratic socialism?
British people be like I'm bri ish
It's because they drank the t
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.. COMPLETE WASTE OF MONEY!
He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is”
What is the angriest nut?
My wife just accused me of having zero empathy.
I don’t understand how she can feel that way.
Man walks into a bar and orders a Corona and 2 huricanes...
Bartender says, “That will be $20.20.”
I was told that my dad was pronounced dead
I can’t believe I’ve been saying it wrong my whole life
I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...
Just in case there's a salad dressing
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
What did the lesbian pirate say during sex?
How many hands am I holding up?
If you ever accidentally smack your kid in the face and they say ow my eyes is blurry, or if they bump their face etc
Say “ah buddy u ok? Can u see? How many hands am I holding up?
Then proceed to hold up one hand with four fingers.
The kid will most often say 4. Then you make the dad face.
“4 hands!?!? Yah we might have a problem!”
It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck in an accident a few months ago.
But now I can look back and laugh.
What do you call paper you can’t trust?
I considered converting my wardrobe to house my board game collection, but was worried about losing clothing space.
Why did the republicans win in the game of euchre?
No matter what the democrats played, they always got Trumped!
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