What kind of self-defense does a Jewish Trump supporter practice?

Krav MAGA.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daddyflextape
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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Mantra of the Kansas City Chiefs' defensive line

The Bucs Stop Here!

Edit: thank you for alerting me it's "bucs" not "bucks". My dad experience (4 months) is better than my football knowledge

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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In my defense, I have none
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swain18
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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A burglar broke into my house and I pushed my bookcase on top of him.

It was shelf defense.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kylejay915
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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Why won't the bird defense attorney speak to more than one crow at a time?

Because anything more than one is murder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeslaFan900
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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I thought the defense would like my joke about the quarterback

I guess it was too offensive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScreaminTom
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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My sister is a really good defensive driver

Anytime someone looks at her she starts justifying her actions

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Savannah_P_Frost
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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My therapist told me to write letters to people I hated and then burn them.

I've done that, but what do I do with the letter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valdagast
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Why did the Secretary of Defense and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff cross the road?

They were just following the chicken!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colbosky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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My wife says I’m getting fat, but in my defense....

I’ve had a lot on my plate recently

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weiderman316
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
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The corona virus just learned self defense.

They were taught Kung Flu.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattBatz1991
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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What's the difference between karate and judo?

Karate is a method of self defense, while judo is what bagels are made from.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scarletnumberzz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Rudy Gobert should win the NBA Defensive player of the year award...

He shut the whole league down this year!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Good_Kid_Mad_City
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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What did the man say to the judge after running over chickens at a playground?

β€œIn my defense, Your Honor, there were no signs of fowl play”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dingdongdan69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Why do teams with the strongest defense do better in bed?

They have good D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Otemile
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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Convict: I plead not guilty Judge: What is your defense

Convict: Well if u r what you eat, I'm an innocent man.

(Credit to my man Bryce)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tricky_Nick007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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People keep telling me to stop putting up walls

So I got real defensive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Karrathan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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Why do snails take self defense classes.

So they don't get assaulted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snuggeybug
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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The instructor in my self defense class told me that the most effective place to kick a man is near his knees.

Personally, I think it’s nuts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?

Apple Turnover

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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Why did they add 2 more layers of defense to Fort 43?

To 45 it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/paperarrow
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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If someone writes a biography about American Defense Secretary Jim Mattis they should call it...

Life in General

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yellow_Forklift
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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One time my cat chased down a drone and brought it to me. The drone's owner accused me of theft. In my defense, I said it wasn't stolen...

...it was purr-chased

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrLazyTiger
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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I’ve just completed a self defense course…

I wouldn’t recommend anyone attack me in slow motion now…

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2017
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If someone has already submitted a joke about defensive swordsmanship...

...sorry for the riposte.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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Did you hear what happened to that Department of Defense employee?

He's pentagone

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πŸ‘€︎ u/graafslaaf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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What was the photographer's defense in court?

Says he was framed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stgm_at
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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What do you call a painter who practices self defense?

A martial artist!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maddieie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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You tell a player that he is not good at defense.

Now that's offensive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1-STARrating
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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Dad-jokes for self-defense (crossposted from /r/funny)

https://i.redd.it/4nxahotzfku11.jpg

As mentioned on /r/funny, it's a shame we don't know the actual joke used here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dmdeemer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
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What did the lawyer say in the mesothelioma case say in defense of his client?

He was just doing asbestos he could!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jellysquidd
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was a registered 6 offender

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sictirul
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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The Jewish nation that replaced palestine is defensive about its existance.

Is real.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mutant_Llama1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2016
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I angered the Scottish guy by making fun of his skirt...

He nearly kilt me. I poked him in the aye in defense.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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In defense of punnishment. m.youtube.com/watch?v=Gtl…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dyspaereunia
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
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Found Out Donald Trump's Favorite Form of Self Defense

Krav MAGA

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keefmastaflex
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2017
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What does a Jewish baker use for self defense?

Jew Dough!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smajon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2017
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I was attacked by a vegan vampire!

In self defense, I put a steak through his heart

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SemiAutoDuck
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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I hear Denver's Defensive Coordinator is dyne to change his name...

to Pascal. He hopes to contain Cam Newton to a one meter square area.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flaspike
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2016
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DuckWithATie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2015
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What is the new Canadian Defense Minister's Plan of Attack?

Sikh and destroy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flanagoon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2015
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Did you hear about that new self defense bread?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fallwalking
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
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I love building canadian defensive structures

I guess you can say it's my fort eh?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Corn46
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2016
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What did Daddy Skunk say to his children at the start of their self defense class?

Let us spray.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2017
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I bet the Department of Defense gives the low-quality rations to submarines.

After all, they're sub-optimal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i-kant_even
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2017
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I had an argument with my wife in a lift the other day...

I was wrong on so many levels

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πŸ‘€︎ u/338geek
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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My son has recently decided to become a defense attorney

I guess you could say he's my son in law...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ojcoolj
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2015
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