He was promoted to Major Savings.
“We didn’t start the fire”
Mein-fields
Oh sorry, wrong sub
... Lack toes intolerant.
Sorry.
He was charged with assault and battery.
Because all of their work is pro Bono
Robot, the defendant: "Guilty as charged"
And there he comes to the old woman:
— Your ticket.
"Sweethart, I’m sorry, I must have lost it!” the old woman replies, rummaging through her bag. The man grabs the old woman and throws her out the window. She falls and is crushed to death. At the trial, the man is sentenced to death in the electric chair.
— Your last wish.
— You know, I really want to eat a banana.
A man eats a banana brought to him. The leader of the execution turns on the current - the man does not die. The switch is pulled a second time, the third - no effect. According to the law, the defendant must be released. After some time, the man again gets a job as a train conductor. Checks tickets, and then a young girl approaches:
— Your ticket.
— You know, I'm leaving on the next stop ...
A man grabs a girl and throws her out of the train, the girl falls and dies.
Again the court, the death sentence. Before the execution, the electric chair is checked several times - it works fine. They put the man down.
— Your last wish.
— You know, I really want to eat a banana.
A man eats a banana brought to him.
The leader of the execution turns on the electricity - the man does not die. Turns it on again and it doesn't work. Once again, it's all to no use. The man is getting released once again. One of the guards comes up to the him and quietly asks:
“Look, I won’t tell anyone, but I’m still very interested. Tell me why, after eating a banana, you are not afraid of the electric chair?"
— I have loved bananas since childhood. Why I am not dying? I don't know.
Maybe I'm just a bad conductor?
With Naan-chuks
doughjos
Judge: "Why do you want to divorce?"
Wife: "He keeps rhyming animals with every word he says. I'm tired of it!"
Husband *defending: "I didn't do that on porpoise!"
I said “I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.”
He didn’t habanero
They’re calling themselves the Guard-Ians of the Galaxy.
Go for the juggler.
With a cowitzer.
He believed everyone should have access to a public Defender.
I don’t vax my floors. I don’t vax my chest hair, and I certainly don’t vax my legs.
He grew up and decided to join the army. When filling out forms at the recruitment center the recruiter was surprised to learn of his heritage. Eventually word spread and he was given the nickname Ungnome. A war started not long after where he lost his life defending his squad mates from incoming fire. For his bravery the army held a special funeral for him and built him a lavish tomb. Now people come from miles around to see the Tomb of the Ungnome Soldier.
I’m raisin awareness
Just so I can say, "Your honour!! My client clearly isn't a flight risk."
Fort-hen
Others do them just for kicks.
The judge says, "You might as well take the stand. According to your record of thefts and the current larceny charges against you, it appears that you've already taken about everything else."
After taking a bullet to the knee, his friend wasn't as lucky.
The only way I could defend myself was to go for the juggler.
The plaintiff got X-posed
Jew-jitsu
A fortnight
She prescribed me trans-and-dental medication.
Expecto Petroleum!
The plaintiff got exposed
It was a brief case.
