Current Events
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueDisciple
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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Arguing over current events is perfectly natural, but there’s a time and a place.

It makes people uncomfortable when they see you mask debating in public.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimgolgari
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Electric current events. /r/Jokes/comments/gttx2j/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/holymolybreath
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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In light of current events, I've been doing some self reflection and I came to the conclusion that I need to be more like a German child.

I need to be kinder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/strmgdndl
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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In Current Events...

We went rafting today!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/masterj2378
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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I wish characters from Disney animation would explain current events to me.

I'd love to see Brexit Ralph.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saith_Cassus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2016
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Did you know that Tesla was an avid news reader?

He liked to keep up with current events

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pathrado
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
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A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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One of these days HR is gonna get called...

Talking amongst the office about current events and the Matt Gaetz scandal came up.

Coworker "An older guy in power taking advantage of young women? That's a tale as old as time..."

Me "From what I've seen the tail wasn't even 18..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anix421
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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Why do fish gets stressed ?

Current events

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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Recent studies show Earth’s magnetic field is weakening.

Current events make it less attractive.

All hail The Double Pun. Mic drop

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πŸ‘€︎ u/holymolybreath
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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Son: Dad, I read about how Corals are stressed. What are they stressed about?

Dad: Current events, probably.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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Why doesn’t electricity like History class?

Because it’s only interested in current events.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mockgamingnews
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
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Why did the fish get lost?

He wasn't paying attention to current events.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Apollo1366
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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My dad has a camera pointing at the river outside

He likes to keep up with current events.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WN_Todd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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Did you hear the news about riptides?

Apparently, it's a current event.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/electric_leper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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Did you hear the recent electrifying news about a drunken idiot who climbed a power pole and got the crap shocked out of him?

It's good to keep up on current events.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorSolaris
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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I have officially become my father with this dadjoke (I'm a girl).

I was at an Arabic-themed pop-up bar with some friends last weekend, where all the drinks were named for places and things relating to the Arab world, etc. Everyone's favorite drink was a punch called "Fuck ISIS" (which was delicious), and I said "Wow, a punch named for a current event... I guess one could call it... topical punch."

Ba-dum psh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/two_insomnias
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2014
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Mom approved

I came home for a weekend and my mother was catching me up on some current events in the family.

Her: Oh yeah, your cousin has enlisted in the Navy and he's going to training pretty soon.

Me: Wow, how does the family feel about that?

Her: What do you mean?

Me: Well, are they... pause... All aboard with the idea?

both can't contain laughter

Everyone in my family is witty and we all love dad jokes so we always have a good time around the dinner table.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tatswithgats
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2014
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My surf buddy got accepted to Columbia University to study Journalism

He’s very passionate about current events.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jiggyjigster
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.

I am trying to keep myself knowlegeable in current events.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2017
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You could say I archive the ocean's news in...

current events for people to sea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/razzlesnazzlepasz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2016
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I heard there's been a slew of lightning strikes recently.

Something about wanting benefits. You can learn more in current events.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2018
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What do coral keep up to date the most with?

Current events

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaggertheChosen1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2015
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[REQUEST] Safety based team names

I'm looking for a team name that is based on a safety pun or play on words. Currently I have Safety Pins, Dukes of Hazard and Risky Business. This is for a workplace event so it also has to be civil.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2017
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I dad joked my friend on twitter today

My friend: "Just remembered some girl in my class today shared a current event on cowspiracy"

Me:"I bet it was pretty... cheesy"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wikipuff
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2015
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my whole office groaned at me. it was glorious.

so the events manager was coordinating with the head chef at my job (i work at a hotel).

they were discussing the three types of fish they currently had in stock and people's receptions. the general consensus regarding the first was positive. they moved on to the second which also received rave reviews. they left out discussion of the third. from my chair about 20 yards away i proclaim;

"i guess the third is a whole other fish to fry!"

audible groan from everyone in the office. success.

my dad would be proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/king09
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2015
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What do corals even get stressed about?

Current events

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Why did Tesla read newspapers?

To know about current events.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Allgen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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What do coral get stressed about?

Current events.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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Recent evidence shows that Earth’s magnetic field is weakening.

Yes. It’s true. Current events have made it less attractive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/holymolybreath
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...

Current events

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stax3745
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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What do fish stress about the most?

Current events.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeahlte
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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Are coral stressed because of

Current events

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grindingslimes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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What does coral get stressed about?

Current events.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gearidall_M_Grey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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What do fish stress out about?

Current events

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpideyRules9974
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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What do corals get stressed about?

Current events

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πŸ‘€︎ u/h8speech
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2017
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Oceanography

Is all about current events

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wakeMeAWPinside
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2017
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What shocked the electrician on TV?

Current events

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IbraheemLinkin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2017
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What do corals get stressed about?

Current events.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imkinda_adog
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2017
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Coral dies off if it is stressed. So what does coral have to be stressed about?

Current events.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoUrImmature
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2014
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