Crosswalks Puns

Jesus Christ did

"Ice cream" he says.

We were walking down the street and I saw the upcoming intersection was "Fairwell Ave."

When we reached the crosswalk, I said I should head home, and then followed up with, "I guess this is farewell."

Eyes rolled but it was worth it.

For keeping me off the street

Dad and I are leaving Home Depot and cross paths with a gentleman carrying some 2x4s over his shoulder through the crosswalk. He stops the car and turns to me with, "Looks like he's... walking the plank." Dad literally cant drive the car because he's doubled over the steering wheel crying. All I can do is meet the stares of fellow shoppers with the deadpan face of one who has just been dad-joked. I will become him one day.

We were crossing the street and the crosswalk speakers goes "please cross with caution" and I hear from her "hey... Are you caution?.... Because I'm supposed to cross with you".

She didn't get much reaction from the guy she said it to so I had to turn around and just gave her a "niceee"

Me and my kid crossing the street.

Kid: "There was a gummy bear in the crosswalk, wonder how that happened."

Me: "I don't know, but that bear is sure stuck there."

Bow

This was one of her favorite jokes she loved to tell: One day, a man was walking home after a long day at work. As he waited for a crosswalk signal, he glanced back and noticed a coffin standing down the block. "Odd," he thought, but he ignored it and continued home. He turned the corner and managed to catch a glimpse of the coffin again. This time is was closer to him... like it was following him. He picked up his pace and ran into his apartment complex. The coffin was right behind him. In a fright, he dashed up the stairs to his place, locked the door and barricaded himself in the bathroom. Thud, thud, thud! The coffin was banging on the bathroom door. The man frantically looked for something to defend himself. Just as the coffin busted through the door, the man grabbed some cough syrup from the medicine cabinet, threw it at the coffin ... and the coffin stopped.

While driving to the grocery store we sat at a red light, my husband noticed a stray shoe sitting in the crosswalk. He wondered "how someone could lose just one shoe", and i said it was sad, he asked why:

"because they lost their sole-mate"

We get to the crosswalk and the signal says "Wait."

My dad says 215 pounds and walks across.

Dad drives me to campus this morning so he can use the car later. At a crosswalk a police officer is always waving his hand, either toward students who want to cross or the other direction for cars to come through. Every time he says "hey man, if you want to fly you need both hands." (with the windows closed)

While waving to our car with one hand he actually started waving hello to someone else. We cracked up when he finally took my dad's advice.