What did the chef say to the criminal?
I'm baking! You're entrée-ing!
Thank you u/delivery-plus for the ending!
I'm reading a suspense thriller about a criminal who only strikes at rave and EDM parties.
It's by Dean Koontz Koontz Koontz Koontz Koontz.
How did the cyber-criminals escape?
Why did the criminal’s boss tell him to get a new chef’s apron?
The apron said “kiss the crook.”
Did you hear about the criminal breaking into his own house?
It was a work from home day.
What does an accused criminal wear to court?
How did the criminal banana avoid getting skinned alive?
It had the right to a peel.
How did the cyber criminal get away from the police?
Did you hear about the criminal that hides under people's beds?
Did you hear about the goat that became a criminal?
It broke baaaaaaaaaaaaaad
Someone broke into my garage last night and stole my limbo stick.
Seriously how low can you go?
Why did the criminal try to elude Superman by hiding in a mausoleum?
He thought Superman wouldn't go near the crypt tonight.
What do you call a guy with a criminal record working at a carnival in cold weather?
Back when crucifixions were performed, they never shared materials between criminals.
They were avoiding cross contamination.
Why do criminals need to launder money?
It seems a waste of time to wash all those bills.
Everyone knows R Kelly is a criminal, but he has a lesser known pyromaniac brother
What do you call a snobby criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
Why do criminals always get caught in the Himalayas?
Because the police there have mountains of evidence.
Police just caught a young criminal robot. Then they put a bigger battery in the robot ...
... so it could be charged as an adult.
Jail Time
The length of a long jail sentence should be determined by the severity of the crime, the defendant's criminal history, the potential for rehabilitation, and the public interest in ensuring that the defendant is punished and that society is protected from further harm, it is important to ensure that long jail sentences do not become a form of cruel and unusual punishment, and that they do not disproportionately impact marginalized communities.
What are robotic robbers made of?
I’ve been arrested for poaching mushrooms, but never found guilty.
I’ve never had a real Morel conviction.
I received a text message from a criminal, but it doesn't make any sense.
Maybe I just don't understand the context.
What do you call it when a guy with OCD becomes a criminal?
Did you hear about the criminal in Scotland who was stealing bird nests and storing them in a safe? That has to be fake news.
I mean, who believes in the locked nest monster?
My wife called me while I was being robbed at gunpoint
I told her I was a bit held up at the moment
What do Saudi Arabian criminals fear?
Why do most orphans become criminals?
They just want to feel wanted
Right-handed people are given too much credit.
They already account for at least 85% of all criminals.
Timothy Olyphant stars in a new TV show about a US Marshall who hunts down criminals who dont align the text in their Word documents correctly:
The show is called Justified
I was hit by lightning last night
what do you call a criminal with nice skin.
My wife’s dad is a criminal defense attorney
He’s my father in-law in law in outlaw law
I hurt my knee slipping on ice in front of the police station.
I went inside to complain but they charged me with a felony (fell-on-knee)
Some people think Abraham Lincoln was a criminal.
But I know he's in a cent.
These lax bail laws are making criminals more bold and dangerous! Last week one of these guys even stole the toilets at the local precinct.
Right now the police have nothing to go on.
What music do you hear in prisons?
There are a lot of idiotic criminals out there
But the man that robbed the bakery definitely takes the cake.
Did you hear about the criminal who stole a Calendar?
Who would make a good criminal accomplice?
Rick Astley. He will never give you up.
I was walking by a criminally insane asylum in Mexico, one of the inmates in the yard had on a train conductor hat.
The gaurd said he had a loco motive.
I was driving on the freeway when I heard the police and slowed down.
What do call a criminal landing an airplane?
New show idea: instead of sending inmates to prison, we send them camping.
It will be called "Criminal in Tent"
I tried drawing a criminal today
He ended up being a sketchy figure
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