Cook On Grill Puns

So I angrily got up and flipped the bird

The Tong Song

My dad and I were preparing streaks for the family, he tells me how i should put it on the grill.

Dad: "so when you put these on, lie them down at a good 45 degrees, after 5 mins, turn them 45 degrees the other way, get a nice cross pattern on them."

Me: "45 degrees? Dad that's pretty cold I doubt it'll cook in 5 mins."

My dad: I'll have steak.

Waitress: How would you like that cooked?

My dad: (completely straight faced) hmm.. On the grill.

He ordered a burger.

Server: "How would you like that cooked?"

Dad: "On the grill, preferably."

Dad had to clarify that he was just joking because the server was dumbfounded. Server said he didn't laugh because if my dad was serious and he did laugh, he'd be in trouble.

Me: I usually cook bacon on a Foreman Grill.

Dad: This is a Foreman.

Me: Huh?

Dad: pointing at himself It's FOR MAN.

Brother: there's nothin like hotdogs cooked on the grill

Grandma: there's nothing like anything cooked on the grill

Sis: actually, everything on the grill has one thing in common, it was cooked on the grill

I had steak cooking outside on the grill and when I came back out after a couple of minutes, I found the grill had caught on fire and flames were doing a nice char-grilled number on the meat.

Cue me bursting into full rendition of Alicia Keys' recent song, "This grill is on fire...."

Daughters, wife and mother-in-law were disappointingly unimpressed.