A list of puns related to "Convictions"
After all, it's just trial and error.
A lepercon
...no noose is good news.
A small medium at large.
But then I did the hokey-pokey, and I turned myself around.
sadly this is the 3rd case this week of a pop pop crop-top crop top pop hop
are they guilty of resisting a rest?
He won the conviction, but slipped up on appeal.
In that case, they had evidence.
Convict: Well if u r what you eat, I'm an innocent man.
(Credit to my man Bryce)
The convict replied, “What? You’re gonna leave me hanging?”
He was out on bale.
A perp hole.
A police van carrying 12 convicts crashed into a cement mixer.
Police are now looking for a dozen hardened criminals.
guess it really was a close shave.
I have to tell you, it was a little condescending.
He was charged with arboring criminals
The prosecutor was sure that he had concrete evidence of the crime.
He’s now got a bounty on his head and his ass.
It just didn’t add up.
Because they're generous seeders, and they have to be tried by a jury of their peers.
He couldn’t finish his sentence.
It’s like finding a needle in a haystack.
He got the full sentence
The jokes were dead-on, really a killer performance.
The convicted picture says he was framed!
My father always said I lack conviction.
He had a LOCO MOTIVE
If we don't find him, we'll use two eyes
Because he was framed.
Because they’re always running!
What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!
I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!
Have you heard of that new movie, “Constipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.
I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said “No, doc, it’s dis knee.”
Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.
When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.
What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.
What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!
I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."
Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!
Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.
Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.
What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!
What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!
Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!
How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!
When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!
19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.
My friend told me, “People who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, “Yeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”
How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!
What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. “Taken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)
How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.
If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.
I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.
I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.
Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!
What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon
Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem
... keep reading on reddit ➡It was a criminal Enterprise
Han shot first.”
It's a killer.
When I asked why he showed me a bundle of wires and said, "It's all confused."
Condescending
They were convicted for a case of battery
Are they all they were cracked up to be?
They both have rap sheets.
Sentenced to life in prism.
I heard they’re all convicted felons.
im gonna have to take all 241k of you to r/punpatrol hq for questioning
Prism
He's in a cent.
An emoticon.
Patty theft.
(Disclaimer: Stolen from Pete Holmes, but he's the daddiest non-dad on TV)
Got quite a few groans I was pretty proud of today!
We were talking about hiring a new manager for a field team, and it turned out the guy we liked the most had several felony convictions for gun possession.
COO: I'm not sure we can take the risk, despite his valuable experience.
Me: Well guys, at least we know he'll stick to his guns.
I'll make a very good dad one day.
He had a lack of conviction that led to a lack of conviction.
He was convicted of fragrancy
It'd be about a group of convicts who begin reading and writing poetry and I'd call the book 'Prose and Cons'.
So a C, an E-flat and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "you're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.
So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.
He was convicted of stealing Kanga's pouch and had to change his name to Christopher Robben.
Bandana 😂👌🏻💯🔥
Because he was a convicted melon.
I suppose it was pretty obvious. 7 always was an odd number. Even 10 wasn’t shocked. 11 was all primed for the party, but when he factored in the whole situation, 12 split for (4) 3’s house.
He was convicted of homicide.
She was convicted of Timbre-ing with evidence
Because they're convicted horse felons.
Ask me what they're convicted of... ...
"Horseshit."
My fiance said this joke the other day. It's so bad you can't help but laugh.
Grace, an Aboriginal woman falls in love with a convict called Ed.
Grace's brother, Wilangorga ( commonly known as William) is known for his anger and hate for the English.
That does not stop Grace seeing Ed any time possible.
One night William is out hunting near the town and sees Ed and Grace together
Caught off guard , He tries to scare Ed away so William Shakes Spear.
A few years ago, there was a series of murders that seemed completely independent from one another, aside from two similarities. Each of the victims had received an e-mail the day prior that was typed in all caps, and contained a joke, with the punchline being a play on words. The victims also all had felony convictions. In light of the second fact, many people felt that the murderers were doing a service to the public. Many others disagreed, however, and those against the murders all rallied under the same slogan: End Capital Punishment.
Just today, as class was ending and everyone was waiting for the bell, a student asked him if he had any daughters. He then said "Not on me, no" and maintained eye contact with astonishing conviction. He's great.
So a meth dealer is trying to expand his territory into a local school back in the late 90's. He's having a really hard time until he hits on a marketing phrase: "Meth is illin'!" For some reason, that closes every sale he tries to make at the school. It starts with the students, but then he gets some of the faculty as customers and he has one dealing the stuff. For some reason, every single time, when he says "meth is illin'!" he closes the deal. Even the administrators can't seem to resist his catchphrase.
But then his contact on the faculty alerts him to a problem -- the janitor is going to figure out what's going on, and he's going to shut everything down. The teacher is scared of the guy, but our dealer has gained so much confidence in himself that he cannot worry. He waits for the janitor on his morning route.
"Hey man, don't you know? Meth is i-"
But before he can even finish the sentence, the janitor has sprayed floor cleaner in his eyes, hit him in the gut with his mop, and crammed him in a trash can. The dealer is arrested and immediately convicted.
TL; DR: Do not fuck with "meth is illin'!" resistant staff.
Just told this one to a co-worker..
Bill: Well, humans are naturally curious creatures.
Me: As the saying goes, "curiosity killed the cat." But.. I think it was wrongly accused. Did anyone see curiosity kill the cat? Was it convicted by a jury of its peers? What happened to due process?
I got a good chuckle out of him, but I'm afraid it might not translate so well here.
It just didn’t add up...
He said it was a small medium at large.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.