I was bored writing my dissertation and this is the result. Didn't include fictional rappers because those could get pretty ridiculous, but I might someday. Included last words because I find them interesting, but keep in mind that last words, especially those before the modern era, are famously bullshit, so take most of this with a lot of salt.

I was expecting there to be a lot more battle references than there actually were.

John Lennon

Death: Shot four times in the torso by obsessed fan Mark David Chapman in the archway of his New York residence, age 40 (Dec 8, 1980 – New York, USA)

Last Words: “I’m shot, I’m shot!”

Battle Reference: None

Adolf Hitler

Death: Suicide by self-inflicted gunshot as his bunker was close to being taken by Soviet forces, age 56 (April 30, 1945 – Berlin, Germany)

Last Words: “Above all, I charge the leadership of the nation and their followers with the strict observance of the racial laws and with merciless resistance against the universal poisoners of all peoples, international Jewry.” (last will)

Battle Reference: “But when your bunker started getting fired up, you put a gun in your mouth and fired up” (Note: Hitler actually shot himself in the temple)

Abraham Lincoln

Death: Shot in the head by Confederate sympathizer John Wilkes Booth while watching a play, age 56 (April 14 1865 –Washington D.C., USA)

Last Words: When asked by his wife Mary whether their friend would mind them holding hands: “She won’t think anything about it”

Battle Reference: “My raps will blow your mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth”, “You stop bullets with your tears? I catch them with my skull”, “I fought for what was on my brain until a bullet went through it.”

Macho Man Randy Savage

Death: Sudden heart attack while driving with his wife. Found to have an enlarged heart and advanced coronary artery disease. Age 58 (May 20, 2011 – Largo, USA)

Last Words: “I don’t feel too good”

Battle Reference: None, happened after battle

Kim Jong-Il

Death: Massive heart attack while traveling by train, according to state of media, although some contest this story. Age 70 (Dec 17, 2011 – Pyongyang, North Korea)

Last Words: Unknown

Battle Reference: None, happened after the battle

**Ludwig van Beeth

This is satire so don't take majority of this seriously. I just felt like imagining what each ERB would look like in a post if an exaggerated ERB redditor tried overexplaining or reaching for connections that aren't needed because that happens often here (and only the first line is the real connection the battle has). Anyway, here we go:

John Lennon vs Bill O'Reilly:

Both of them would hate each other if they met irl

One is a liberal musician from the UK and the other is a conservative pundit from America

Both of them harassed women in different ways so the battle should totally diss them for that

John had a lot of hair on his head later in his life, Bill has a huge forehead and is balding

John wears thick glasses and Bill is blind to the problems in the US

Bill wears suits for his corporate job and John wears dirty hippie stuff

John protested in beds, Bill told women what he would like to do with them in beds

John and Bill are common 4-letter names

(Just wanna point out, we have never had another rapper addressed as "John" ever since this battle until the most recent one, crazy)

Darth Vader vs Hitler:

Both of them are the most evil men, one in history and one in fiction (not even gonna point out how Vader isn't even the most evil guy of his own universe)

They lead armies known as Stormtroopers

Vader's body was entirely burnt and Hitler burned people in real life

Hitler caused World War II to happen for 6 years and the Star Wars trilogy also came out within 6 years

Hitler has a famous mustache and Vader can't grow facial hair anymore

Hitler loved animals but Vader destroyed planets that contained animals

Vader means father and Hitler was a fuhrer, they sound very close

At some point they should be joined by Palpatine and Himmler to back them up

Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris:

Both of these guys are very tough and Republicans and cool beards

Chuck made his own martial arts and Abe only lost one wrestling match in his life out of like 200

This means both are in fighting hall of fames

Abe Lincoln fought the Confederacy and now Chuck Norris sides with people who support the Confederate flags

Abe is very tall while Chuck is very muscular

Abe is revered among historians, Chuck is one of the first meme figures

Abe lost a senate race before being president, Chuck lost to Bruce Lee before being a god

Sarah Palin vs Lady Gaga:

Both of these women are females

One is very conservative and the other is very liberal but not

• Part 1
• Part 2
• Part 3 (you are here)
• Part 4

Perceptual Biases

In Empathic Responses for Pain in Facial Muscles Are Modulated by Actor’s Attractiveness and Gender, and Perspective Taken by Observer (Jankowiak-Siuda et al., 2019) it is shown that people show more empathic responses towards females and less attractive faces expressing pain. Specifically, it was "investigated whether the sex and attractiveness of persons experiencing pain affected muscle activity associated with empathy for pain, the corrugator supercili (CS) and orbicularis oculi (OO) muscles, in male and female participants in two conditions: adopting a perspective of “the other” or “the self.”" The gender effect was larger than the attractiveness (or rather: lack thereof) effect. The greater responses towards less attractive faces could be explained by the association between lack of low attractiveness to "poor health, lower immunity, and fewer resources to cope with pain", which could increase (A) negative affect or (B) increase empathy for the pain of such people. The greater responses towards female faces were attributed to women being seen as more "sensitive to pain, fragile, and requiring more care and support".

The authors of The Confounded Nature of Angry Men and Happy Women (Becker et al., 2007) found: > Findings of 7 studies suggested that decisions about the sex of a face and the emotional expressions of anger or happiness are not independent: Participants were faster and more accurate at detecting angry expressions on male faces and at detecting happy expressions on female faces. These findings were robust across different stimulus sets and judgment tasks and indicated bottom-up perceptual processes rather than just top-down conceptually driven ones. Results from additional studies in which neutrally expressive faces were used suggested that the connectio

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

The doctor says it terminal.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

And boy are my arms legs.

Amy

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

Pilot on me!!

Until he discovered it was extra sharp.

Christopher Walken

Do your worst!

He lost May

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

Put it on my bill

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.