Best way to contact a dead Italian.....

.....use a Luigi Board.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Just deleted all the German contacts off my phone.

...it’s now Hans free.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sminky99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I took out my contact lenses at midnight.

Goodbye 20/20.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his contact lenses?

Doyouthinkhesaurus.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imustrun580
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
If Mario’s brother died, would he contact him through a Luigi board?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kabukimansanjoe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Me and my wife got into an argument about how to contact an ancient Chinese dynasty...

She said...

"Talk to the Hans."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HypnotizeD_X
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Two chinese Christians are having a contest to see who can contact God the fastest. After one wins, the other looks at him and says

"Well prayed"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend fell down a flight of steps then started looking at me without breaking eye contact...

I'm not sure why he was stairing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I got a contact to make a documentary about shoemakers. They didn't give me enough time to a great job...

...but I manged to cobble something together last minute.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally went to bed with my contact lenses in the other night.

My dreams have never been clearer.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whoisapotato
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
How does an orchestra keep in contact with each other?

They touch bass.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My customers keep complaining that they're receiving empty boxes with no contacts in them

but they're the ones that keep requesting contactless delivery!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a contact lens problem.

I have no contact lens solution.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grumpy_hubby
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
β€ͺWe agreed to start greeting each other without making physical contact...‬

Then we shook on it.‬

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my kid to make eye contact when talking.

But he just keeps headbutting people.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Before my operation last week, the nurse wanted to know if I could give them a contact number in case of an emergency...

I said, "911."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Contact lenses are better than glasses

At least in my eyes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhpXp
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a medium contact a dead window washer?

With a squeegee board

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbholt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Quickest way to contact god in 2019

Send a knee-mail

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vandango05
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Does anyone here want a free iPhone 11? If so, contact me.

We can then talk about how we both want a free iPhone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
It was hard for scientists to create a liquid for contacts

But they came up with a solution

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πŸ‘€︎ u/4ork_Reddit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve gotten so used to taking my contacts out over the years...

I should be able to take them out with my eyes closed

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/One-Comma-Club
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My dog ate my contact lenses

Do you suppose that he's seeing shit more clearly now?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Airsoftjunky97
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Running away from human contact.
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
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How do you get in contact with a Greek architect?

You column.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slmckay73
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad said he couldn’t find his contacts

It was in the top left corner of his phone.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FireWizard41
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Eye contact
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timismickis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
🚨︎ report
If your house is flooded, contact me, I'll buy it.

I only invest in liquid assets.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/piedssurmars
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why arent contacts good in school?

They always miss their glasses

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExsistanceIsPain
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you contact Michael Jackson?

Send him a hee-hee mail

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mddc52
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Free air guitar to first person to contact me

No strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UriahPeabody
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Whenever I wash my contact lenses with water it never really cleans them right and it stings when I put them in.

If only there was a solution.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Threeatatime1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2017
🚨︎ report
Everytime I wash my contacts in water it makes my eyes sting.

If only there was a solution.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
🚨︎ report
In a horrible accident, astronauts were killed when they tried to make first contact with a sentient gas cloud by telling it bad puns.

It was no laughing matter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/D0tBlue
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Being uncomfortable with any physical contact, I decided to rent the book β€œHow to Hug” from the library.

Turns out it was Volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Lesson learned today: When the newscaster says, β€œIf you know anything about this crime, please contact the police...”

The cops get really pissed off if you call them and just repeat the news segment.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
🚨︎ report
We still haven’t made contact with the aliens

They’re Martian to their own beat

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lemonoranges2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
🚨︎ report
"How are we going to stay in contact?" Donald asked Bugs Bunny.

"WhatsApp, duck!" said Bugs Bunny.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Want to contact the spirit of a dead Italian ?

Use a Luigi board.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Mario use to contact his dead relatives?

A Luigi board

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kabukimansanjoe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Two chinese Christians are having a contest to see who can contact God the fastest. After one wins, the other looks at him and says

"Well prayed"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of board do Italians use to contact the dead?

A Luigi board

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deadly_R
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a contact lens problem.

I have no contact lens solution.

πŸ‘︎ 207
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I've deleted all the German contacts I know off my phone...

Now it's Hans free

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I deleted all the German contacts from my phone....

It’s now Hans free

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ringbit214
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I deleted my German friend from my contacts list.

Now my phone is Hans free.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
🚨︎ report

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