Company Man Puns

Sadly, he lost his case.

He’s got you covered whether you are cuming or going

If only he had fulfilled their man-date, he could have kept his job!

He's going to be the new CE-Oh, yeahhhhh!

"What's the best breed for horses like those you'd see in the old west movies," he asks the owner, "my mares are just like that." The owner thinks for a minute, then replies "Dachshund."

The man is surprised, and replies "are you sure about that? I was picturing something bigger that wouldn't get trampled on." The owner nods, and says "Yup, it's just like the movies - if you want your horses to behave, you get a long little doggie."

A Brummie was made redundant after working for the same company for 45 years. He quickly gets an interview with one of his ex companies rivals. His friends advise him that he should wear a suit and tie to the interview to try and make a good impression, unfortunately the interview is the same day and his only suit he has is the one he wore to his original interview in 1975.

He quickly gets dressed in his brown suit, complete with flares, wide lapels and a kipper tie.

He made quite the impression on his entrance and when the interviewer invited him into his office, he said "nice kipper tie" to which he replied " milk and 2 sugars please"

He forgot he'd signed a naan-compete.

A settlement has been reached in one of the sweetest lawsuits ever to be filed in federal court, but details of the payday are under wrappers.

Daryl White Jr. of Belle, Missouri, didn’t sugar coat his anger about paying a dollar apiece for boxes of Mike and Ikes and Hot Tamales that were only two-thirds full. Determined not to be a sucker, he hired counsel and paid the U.S. District Court Western District of Missouri a $400 filing fee to sue Just Born Inc., the candymaker’s parent company, for alleged deceptive advertising and unjust enrichment.

SOURCE

He's been practicing for this role for months. He goes down to the opera house on the day of the audition, only to find he's come down with a sore throat and can't hit his notes anymore. In a panic, he asks one of the directors if they can postpone his audition.

"I'm sorry," says the director, "but we can't delay an audition for just one performer. That would set a bad precedent. Instead, I'll let you in on a little opera house secret." The director pours the man a cup of warm, smelly liquid. "Drink this. It's a special tea to help your throat. The recipe has been passed down for decades in this opera company, and I guarantee it will make you able to sing again."

The man wrinkles up his nose and takes a swig. "Euch! This is... awful! What's in this tea anyways?"

"Well, it's a secret herbal tea blend made with... well... fish broth." The director replies. "Tuna, specifically. We've found it helps soothe the throat better than any other fish we've tried."

Sure enough the man is able to sing again! He hits all his notes and gives an exemplary performance.

At the end of the auditions, he finds the director that gave him the tea. "So... what did you think? Did I get the part or not?" He asks.

"I'm sorry," said the director, "you performed well, but we've decided to give the part to someone else."

"That's OK," the man says, "I'm just really grateful for the Opera-Tuna-Tea."

Waitress: sorry sir, we are out of baby potatoes, would you like to replac-

Boss: what about grown up potatoes, do you have those?

Sadly, he lost the case.

Sadly, he lost his case.

Sadly, he lost his case.

Sadly, he lost his case.

Sadly, he lost the case