Committed Puns

A list of puns related to "Committed"

My left knee has never committed a crime.

I can’t say the same for his felony.

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👤︎ u/nate_hawwk
📅︎ Aug 16 2020
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What do you call a bird that has committed a crime?

An illegul.

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👤︎ u/mRmyster76
📅︎ Dec 04 2020
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The author of Webster's dictionary committed suicide with the book he wrote.

At least he died on his own terms.

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👤︎ u/BinaryPeach
📅︎ Dec 19 2020
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Why did the french chef committed suicide??

He lost his huile d'olive

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👤︎ u/yuri-123
📅︎ Oct 27 2020
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Schrodinger’s Cat has committed unforgivable crimes.

He is wanted dead and alive.

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👤︎ u/MajicMan101
📅︎ Sep 07 2020
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Did you hear that Thanos was committed to an insane asylum? It's true.

He snapped.

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👤︎ u/jfshay
📅︎ Sep 18 2020
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In response to the American coin shortage, Canada has committed to providing the U.S. aid

They give us Nickelback

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👤︎ u/SquireX
📅︎ Jul 30 2020
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Did you hear about the Italian who committed identity theft?

Police say he was an impasta

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👤︎ u/Yaboibaka
📅︎ Aug 19 2020
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If you get released from a mental institutional, and then get committed again-

is that re-psychoing?

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👤︎ u/guavacadus
📅︎ Jul 09 2020
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What do you call a crime committed by a cat?

A feline-y

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👤︎ u/MansNotHot772
📅︎ Apr 28 2020
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A scuba diver committed suicide today

He just couldn’t handle the pressure.

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👤︎ u/jlionbad
📅︎ Apr 12 2020
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I committed Seppuku once. I don't think I have the guts to do it again.

Seppuku is the suicidal act of stabbing yourself in the stomach.

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👤︎ u/JaredLiwet
📅︎ Dec 17 2019
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Did you hear about the string of bank robberies committed by a guy dressed up like Jesus?

The cops finally nailed him.

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👤︎ u/kickypie
📅︎ Nov 26 2019
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Why did police believe a duck had committed the robbery?

Because he fit the bill of the one they were looking for.

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👤︎ u/TheMightyBattleSquid
📅︎ Jan 02 2020
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My dress shirts all committed treason.

So they were sentenced to hanging.

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👤︎ u/BabyEinstein2016
📅︎ Oct 03 2019
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The court committed me to the psych ward today.

They were judgmental

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👤︎ u/boogerknows
📅︎ Nov 19 2019
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I know a woman who has committed herself to cleaning other peoples’ homes indefinitely, and makes a hell of a lot of money for it.

She’s maid for life.

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👤︎ u/KubaKomorebi
📅︎ Sep 28 2019
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Do you know why no one has ever been sentenced for crimes committed on the moon?

Because it's a gray area

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👤︎ u/Erikjb12
📅︎ Jun 23 2019
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Did you hear about the chain of terrorist attacks committed by angry bankers?

Police thought the attacks were linked but later found that they were a bunch of loan wolves.

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👤︎ u/Nick30075
📅︎ Sep 07 2019
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If you're surprised that Jeff Epstein committed suicide

Just imagine how surprised he was.

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👤︎ u/Jan_Tik
📅︎ Aug 15 2019
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A midget with the ability to talk to ghosts committed a crime but was not caught yet.

We are looking for a small medium at large.

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👤︎ u/JazzPhobic
📅︎ Aug 15 2019
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A group of shepherds committed suicide last night. They heard the song “there will never be another you.”
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👤︎ u/surprise_shellfish
📅︎ Apr 14 2019
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How did the police know that Will Smith committed the robbery?

Because they found some Fresh Prints.

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👤︎ u/Mohawk_Mike
📅︎ Jan 14 2019
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I just committed a murder

Those crows are finally getting the mental health care they so desperately needed

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👤︎ u/thkoog
📅︎ Mar 11 2019
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This guy is committed to the joke imgur.com/aUTswae
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👤︎ u/occasionawsme
📅︎ Oct 05 2013
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abraham lincoln never committed a crime

he was in a cent

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👤︎ u/tehferretgamer
📅︎ Sep 24 2018
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If I had a dollar for every time I've committed armed robbery...

I'd be a pretty lousy robber.

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👤︎ u/Musicguy1982
📅︎ Apr 18 2018
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if i killed the pope, would i have committed a cardinal sin?
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👤︎ u/zse4rffb
📅︎ Jan 10 2014
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Which of the presidents never committed any crimes?

Lincoln, because he is in-a-cent.

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👤︎ u/UnglazedDonuts
📅︎ Feb 24 2017
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Me and my dad were talking about a baby seagull that committed a felony

He said it was a wee-gull

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👤︎ u/chuckthewalrus
📅︎ Feb 23 2018
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My daughter has been grieving her friend who committed suicide by jumping in front of a train.

She came out with this one today:

"I don't know why he jumped in front of the train, but he must have had a real loco motive."

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👤︎ u/QuickBASIC
📅︎ Nov 17 2017
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Did you hear about why the train conductor committed murder?

It was a loco motive.

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👤︎ u/TxAzure
📅︎ Dec 28 2017
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I just committed a dad joke and felt I should share.

Our dog's barking her head off, trying to get food from the table. I look to my daughter and say: "Must be a tree-dog."

"A tree-dog," she says, "why's that?"

"Because of all the bark!"

And then I got that look. If you're a dad, too, you know the one.

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👤︎ u/Kortalh
📅︎ Oct 22 2013
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After Cain committed the first murder....

His whole family was dis-Abled.

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👤︎ u/t-rexatron
📅︎ Jul 31 2016
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A dog committed matricide

but I can't blame him, she was a bitch.

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👤︎ u/RagnorokX
📅︎ Jun 06 2016
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Did you hear about the French chef who committed suicide?

Apparently he'd just completely lost the huile d'olive.

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👤︎ u/GargoyleToes
📅︎ Oct 18 2017
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