I didn't make a Peep.
Stay tuned
Guess it was Progressive.
But his Net income always put me off.
Oral-B
Was sitting with my SO watching tv and an Oral-B commercial comes onto the screen. The commercial plays saying all the great things about their toothbrush, how effective it is against plaque buildup and that 9/10 dentist recommend it etc. after listening for a minute I look over at my SO and say “well it better be good, ORAL-B disappointed!”
Now I want my Nickelback.
I really hope Tide had another commercial ready just in case.
Edit: Thank you for the Reddit Gold, kind stranger! My first!
Pointing his firearm at two cashiers, he shouts “hand over the contents of the cash register! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession...you know, a habitual occupation followed for a livelihood and involving commercial transactions!”
Cashier 1: “What do we do?”
Cashier 2: “Do what he says, I think he means business!”
Seems like they were just half-assing it.
I told him, "It's a tie, dad"
I didn’t think I would get it, but then I pulled some strings.
Against my better judgement, I followed my doctor's advice.
They don't make any scents
The director said I was perfect for that roll.
He wants to make America graty again.
They don't make any scents!
...they're always crushing the blacks.
You could say the decision was pretty spa-radic
Well, my comeback to that is, whether you are so over it or not, it is certainly all over you.
He keeps getting older, but his cars stay the same age.
"Jesus of Nazareth will return."
I told him it was because of their scents of humor.
My clients get their asses handed to them.
"I camembert if I’ve told you today, but just in queso I haven’t, you're looking sharp! I havarti accepted you stilton love “cheesy” holidays, but ricotta think things can only get feta with a little roman(ce)o. It colby just me, but I swiss you very much when we’re apart. It’s cheddar when we’re together because then I don’t feel provolone. I think we go gouda together, and I want to grow mold with you. Wheel you brie my valentine?"
Her: I hate that ad because it gets stuck in my head!
Me: Do you know what's stuck in my head?
Her: No, what?
Me: My brain
So am I supposed to use a dishwasher then?
I don't know if this is a nationwide thing, but in New Jersey, we get commercials for a brand of eggs called "Eggland's Best."
Their slogan is "better eggs" so every time the commercial comes on, my dad says, without fail, "Who says they're the best? The egg-sperts!"
Boyfriend: So how many kids does The Rock have?
Me: Two.
B: Both daughters, or is one a son?
M: Both daughters.
B: He should have another kid so that he can have a boy and take a family photo, where it's the boy, his two daughters, and then him standing on the end. 'Cause you know what he'd be then?
M: What?
B: Third Rock from the son.
He's sleeping outside tonight.
Now that's what I call Artificial in-telly gents.
We skip most of the football due to the annoying announcers, confusing rules and frequent replay delays, but I was able to come up with an answer when he asked what happens when both teams fail to score in OT. It’s a tie, Dad.
Hoe, hoe, hoe, green giant.
... is still struggling to get off the ground."
Like title says, during a commercial for Botox to treat migraines, the wife casually states.
"Psht, Migraines. I think it's all in their head."
She promptly received a high five.
Now he flies commercial.
That's my jam!
Her: Hey it's Snowden!
Me: That's impossible. It's hot outside!
TV: I dropped 40 pounds on Jenny Craig!
Dad: Well, did it kill her?
Me: exasperated eye-roll
